View Full Version : Feedback requested

Ben Whatsisname
07-28-2002, 10:23 PM
I would honestly like to know what people think about the new fan fiction I wrote called "Full Throttle: Dark Origin" which is located in the Fan Fiction section of The Kickstand ( http://kickstand.mixnmojo.com ). Good or bad, lemme hear from you, please - I have a few more fanfics in mind and would like to be able to fine-tune the stories as much as possible for your enjoyment. Thanks.

07-30-2002, 11:43 AM
I've just read it and I think it's brilliant. There were a few things I personally thought could have made it better, though:

* More imaginative description techniques. You rarely go into senses or smell, for instance. However, I loved the analogies you used like - "The room tipped and rolled like a ship in a storm".

* I would have liked a stronger "voice" to tell the story. So instead of "he did this" etc. you could have has the older Ben recall his memories from the beginning. Not only would this have made the ending make more sense, but it also would have given you the ability to change tense and have the older Ben reflect every now and again on the unfolding events. Like Film Noir.

* I thought the beginning and training bits took two long. Or to put it another way, they werenít exciting enough. I really liked the rally, though. I think you could have built up to the rally better and had it as the center of the whole story.

Thatís the main points I have. Of course, I could go on about how much I loved it too, but I think I already covered that on IRC. Anyway, I hope my babbling analysis was some use to you! And keep on with the story writing, youíre great.

07-30-2002, 12:40 PM
I agree with all points in your post, Gabez. Well said.

Whatever happened to your Full Throttle 2 fanfic?

Ben Whatsisname
07-30-2002, 01:28 PM
Originally posted by mercatfat
Whatever happened to your Full Throttle 2 fanfic?

Well, it's up on Kickstand, but (as the author's note at the end says) it has been shelved due to Full Throttle II being in production. As I said in the first post on this thread, I have a few more in mind and may recycle some of "Trial of fire" in another story. TOF just...no pun intended...ran out of gas after a while. I got stuck and couldn't continue the story. By the time I was ready to resume work on it, the news of FT2 was out.