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Hi-Jinx
08-21-2002, 06:13 AM
I forgot to inform most of you that I had written a fanfic about LeChuck's misadventures of finding Big Whoop along with Captain Marley.

I know that the SCUMMbar doesn't accept Fanfics, but I sent it to worldofMI.com and a few days later lucasfic.cjb.net asked if they could host it.

so, aside from drawing. This is how I've been keeping myself busy. I'ld be really grateful if any of you took the time to read it in your spare time and tell me what you think. (I've not had one comment about it except from my close friends, so I don't know if its worth continuing yet.)

Here's the link for the story, It's called The Uncovering Of Monkey Island. (it's second from the top)

http://www.worldofmi.com/features/fan/novels/

Thankyou. :cry8:

Governor Phatt
08-21-2002, 03:24 PM
Wow, i haven't read all of it yet, only the first 2 parts, but so far so good.

I loved the way you wrote the epilogue. It had a sense of urgency, without seeming urgent.

If you get what i mean.

I'll read the rest later:)

Hi-Jinx
08-21-2002, 04:26 PM
Thanks, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. ;)

I wanted to make the Epilogue as superficial as possible because I wasn't going that far back on LeChuck's past. It was just kind of a brief reminder of what he told to us in CMI.

I have another 6 chapters to do yet before I'm finished, but it should be pretty interesting to see what happens when he actually suddenly drops dead. ;)

My favourite chapters so far is the dinner at the mansion and the eye of the storm. I actually enjoyed writing that up. Well, give me your full opinion when your finished. ;)

Governor Phatt
08-23-2002, 09:56 AM
Well its very good....

And coming from a grunge/buffy the vampire slayer fan, i have to say, this particular line works great...

"his attire flapped violently against the early morning breeze"

Do you mind if i give you a bit of constructive critisicm...?

Hi-Jinx
08-23-2002, 10:11 AM
Go ahead, I don't bite. It may actually help me to figure out how to improve it. ;)

Governor Phatt
08-23-2002, 10:29 AM
ok...:)

well... you dont always need to explain how a characters feeling through narration...do you know what i mean?

Sometimes just a simple line or action by the character can portray how he feels...

for example, in the morning after...

"LaGrande hated to be ordered about, he had enough of that from his own captain. He didn't have to take orders from someone he didn't work for."

Is followed immediately by

" "Or what?" He spat at Marley, his sneer turning into a vicious grin. "
With that the reader can recognise easily how LaGrande feels, without the explanation. Because of his reaction.

Or for another completely different example, in Star Wars, Leia kisses Luke to make Han jealous, and when she leaves, Luke gloats about it by simply leaning back and grinning... the director dosen't need to explain it any other way, or by having Luke say "ha ha!" like Nelson from the Simpsons... hmm that may not be a perfect example, but you get the idea...

I'm sure theres another example, but i don't wanna keep on...
It dosen't ruin the story or anything, and maybe its just your style of writing, it just seems a little redundant in places....


*takes Mortar board off*

That was longer than i expected, but i hope it helps...
Keep up the good work though.

Hi-Jinx
08-23-2002, 10:37 AM
Cheers for the insight, Phatt.

At first, I showed it to a friend who also writes a lot and he said to me that I needed to be more descriptive with the characters. *lol*

So I guess i'll just have to even the descriptiveness out at times and use it when its needed.

Thanks again. ^_^

Governor Phatt
08-23-2002, 10:41 AM
No problem,
i used to write a lot too, so its kind of a style thing.

But i'm sure you'll find a happy medium...

No problem again :D