View Full Version : kinda adive needed

09-13-2002, 09:50 AM
Hey guys- well I kinda have this problem, which I dunno how anyone could probably help but sometimes writing on here is kinda like a diary, but at least this diary answers back :p

Anyways I have a dear friend on ICQ he's 15 (I think) but the problem is I'm the only person he trusts and that he feels he can talk to which I'm flattered but it also makes me pretty uneasy especially when last night he told me I've stopped him from suiciding at least 3times coz I'm the only person who treats him with respect and all that stuff. He doesn't even trust his own parents and he even hates his father and has said he wishes his father was dead he wants to kill him which does worry me (although I know it's a figure of speech)

I know a lot of you guys have been through this whole "I like the girl and I've tried telling her" bizzo before, but he really really really likes this girl he tried telling her and now she's using him (it's clear to me just by what he's said) but because hes so blinded by "love" (he's declared to me he loves her) he doesn't see it, and he's been used by girls often enough as it is I really think it would devestate him if it happened to him again.

In a lotta ways he kinda reminds me of Feral personality wise, smart, intelligent with a warped sense of humour who seems to get walked on by absolutly everybody, especially females who seem to use him (although I dunno if that's Feral's case just seems like it is sometimes- no offence Feral and you can correct me if I'm wrong :))but the only people who seem to get him is people on the net (in this case I'm the only person who really understands him) which does worry me lots. I guess this whole "mothering" attitude is kicking in again.

Thing is, as typical teenage guys, how do you deal with the whole "I really like this girl but she won't give me the time of day" kinda thing? I just hate being the only person he can turn to and trust (actually I should also be kinda worrried that he said he wished he was older so he could move to Melbourne and ask me out, which he'd probably end up using my head like an arm rest when I met up with him in Sydney last year when I was there for a weekend) I love him dearly and I hate seeing him get so devestated each time a girl breaks his heart :( I would suggest he talks to someone else about things, but he doesn't trust anyone else :(

09-13-2002, 01:22 PM
um, this seems kind of big. if you've saved him from suicide three times then findiong out he's being used will probably push him over the edge even more and this time you may not be able to stop him. this is worrying for a number of reasons, first of all, this means that you being the only one he can talk to, you're the noe this lands on at least emotionally for you, no one else would know about you, but if you find out he's committed suicide, you'll feel bad and start thinking that you should have done something, even if you couldn't have, in a situation like this, you'll blame yourself even if it wasn't your fault and there was nothing you could do. secondly, it's very hard to help him if you only meet him on ICQ, this means you can't help him when he most needs it, which is when he finds out he's being used, or when she is using him and you can't stop here. finally, if he does kill himself, you probably wont find out for a long time, if not ever.

sorry to list your problems there, but just wanted you to realise them. now for my version of the solution of course it may not work as you can never be sure, but tell your friend that you want to meet his 'love of his life' on ICQ if she has it, otherwise find some other way to contact her. then privately, tell her how she may be hurting, and ultimately killing your friend and how she should stop and let him down gently. but if she's the kindd of giorl i thiunk she is, she wont care. after being nice to her, threaten her somehow, but be smart about it, no death threats or "if you don't stop this now, i'm so gonna mess you up real good" (of course i don't see someone like you saying something like that, but along those lines, you know what i mean). it basically has to be the kind of threat that really would scare her, otherwise you're just going to make her laugh and continue messing you friend around. of course there are other ways of dealing with here, but fear can sometimes be you biggest ally. make something up if you have to "i've got friends in that area, big frineds, one word from me and well... i think you can fill in the rest" you know what i mean. any other suggestions?

09-13-2002, 03:12 PM
Morbid as it may seem, I think he's a lost cause. 15 and already tried to suicide 3 times? Very judgemental and generalizing of others? He's got some issues that he's never going to work through if he's going to keep his attitude of not trusting or liking people, and if things don't go his way he's going to kill himself. Real nice.

09-13-2002, 04:25 PM
Most people that try dont really want to die, only want attention and i mean that in a "feels neglected way" and not a "LOOK AT ME I WANT ATTENTION WAY". Most people that dont want to die will overdose pills or cut their wrists.
The thought of a cut wrist....

09-13-2002, 07:57 PM
I mean his parents are divorced and apperantly his dad used to be violent, I don't know whether or not he's worried that he could turn out like his father or not. He's even said his mother has hit him a few times, but when I said why didn't he leave? (I know that probably wasn't the best thing to say, but talking to him on the phone one night after he had a fight with his mum I knew how upset he was) but he said he couldn't even do that because his grandparents were dead and none of his other relatives lived in Sydney.

He has so much potential and hes such a sweet kid, I just wish I could get him to have more confidence in himself (and I've tried the whole "us girls are trouble, your better off waiting until your older") teenage hormones :(

09-13-2002, 10:34 PM
well, Natty, this is a toughy

well, first off.....about the girl.....let me just say that you should tell him what you think, including him being devastated....and show your concern..otherrwise, all you can really do is stay an amazing friend to him as you already are

the best of luck to you and him, Natty...also, tell him other people respect and care for despite what he may thinks......he might just not know it yet