View Full Version : favorite joke?

guybrush guy
11-18-2002, 09:14 AM
i was just wondering what everybodys favorite joke is.

mine is:

Q: a guy walks into a bar, what does he say?

A: ouch

it may be realy dum, but i like it

11-18-2002, 12:45 PM
I was in a car crash the other day, I went straight into the back of this guy's new car. So anyway, I got out the car and went up to the man and noticed he had a large orange for a head. Trying not to stare I got his details and everything was OK. He was just about to drive off when my curiousity got the best of me and I boldly asked the man "Excuse me, I don't mean to sound rude but why have you got an orange for a head?" THe man turned round and replied "Well you see, the other day I came across this magical lamp, I rubbed it and a genie came out. He said he would grant me three wishes, just like on TV. My first wish was for a large house in the country and that what I got: a massive new house. Secondly I asked for a brand new car and he gave my this beauty." As he said this he made to get into his car and crive off. Still puzzled I asked "But, what was your third wish". The man turned back round and said "To have an orange for a head".

That's the funniest joke I've heard in a long time

11-18-2002, 01:01 PM
Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife’s been in a terrible car accident. He rushes to the hospital, runs into the A&E and says he’s heard his wife’s been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case, and they page the doctor. Dr. Smith comes to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.

“Mr Jones?” the doctor asks. “Yes, what’s happened? How is my wife?”. The doctor sits next to him and says, “Not good news. Your wife’s accident resulted in two fractures of her spine.”

“Oh my God” says Mr. Jones, “what will be her prognosis?”. Dr. Smith says “Well, Mr. Jones, her vital signs are stable. However, her spine is inoperable. She’ll have no motor skills or capability. This means you will have to feed her.” Mr. Jones begins to sob. “And you’ll have to turn her in her bed every two hours to prevent pneumonia.”

Mr. Jones begins to wail and cry loudly. “And, of course,” the doctor continued, “she’ll have no control over her bladder so she must be changed at least five times a day.” Mr. Jones begins to shake as he cries, sobs and wails.

The doctor continues: “And you’ll have to clean up her faeces on a regular basis as she’ll have no control over her bowels. You must clean her immediately to avoid accumulation of the putrid effluent she’ll be emitting regularly.”

Now Mr. Jones is convulsing, sobbing uncontrollably and beginning to wither off the bench into a sobbing pitiful mass. Just then Dr. Smith reaches out his hand and pats Mr. Jones on the shoulder. “Hey, I’m just kidding you, she’s dead.”

11-18-2002, 01:19 PM
Sick, but I like it

11-18-2002, 01:53 PM
Originally posted by BooJaka15m

I know...I guess it's not everybody's favourite kind of humour.

11-18-2002, 03:07 PM
How about:
Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink Fluff

11-18-2002, 03:18 PM
You want sick jokes? I got sick jokes! Even the one Uncle Junior posted! If it's sick jokes you're after, you're probably on the right forum!

11-24-2002, 06:07 PM
Originally posted by Huz
You want sick jokes? I got sick jokes! Even the one Uncle Junior posted!

I defientely want sick jokes...burry me!

Here's another one out of the always growing Junior collection:

An American, German, and Englishman all share a house for the night. The American calls the bedroom, the German calls the bathroom, so the Englishman gets the downstairs. During the night, the American has to take a crap, but can't because the German has locked the bathroom door. So he takes one in his pillowcase and throws it down the steps. The next morning, when they all talk about dreams the American one says "i dreamt I was on a beach vacation". The German one says "i dreamt i married a supermodel". And the Englishman said "I dreamt that a ghost flew down the stairs and I beat the sh*t out of it."

12-14-2002, 03:00 PM
A man comes home and says: "Pack your bags honey! I just won the lottery!" The wife excited says: Great!! Where are we going?! To which the husband replies: Nowhere, get the hell out!

12-14-2002, 06:53 PM
There once was a guy who ran into a pirate on the corner of the street. The pirate had a peg-leg so the guy said, "Hey, I once knew a guy with a peg-leg, named John."
Then the Pirate said, "What was the name of his other leg?"

12-14-2002, 08:23 PM
OK, my favourite joke that doesn't involve, in any way, shape, or form, a twelve-inch pianist:
A man is suffering from haemorrhoids, so he goes to his doctor. The doctors says "Right, I know the problem. See that window on the other side of my office? Go over to it, turn around, and pull down your trousers and underwear. You may want to give it a little wiggle."
The man thinks it is strange, but does so nonetheless, staying there for a full 3 minutes. Then his hitches up his britches and goes back over the the doctor. However, he still has his ring sting.
"Doctor," he says, "that doesn't seem to have helped my haemorrhoids at all."
"Oh, I know," replies the doctor, "it's just that my ex-wife lives across the street."
twelve-inch pianist

01-05-2003, 07:27 AM
An atom says to another 'I think I lost an electron!'. The other asks 'Are you sure?' and he replies 'I'm positive!'

01-05-2003, 03:25 PM
Ack, that was bad!

I know a guy who works in a butchers. The other day I bet him £10 he couldn't climbe to the top of the shelves behind him and bring down one of the slices of meat. He didn't do it in the end, he said the steaks were too high.