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whitedragon
11-19-2002, 08:57 PM
in my spare time ive been working on a story called "no sympathy for the devil". its about an assassin in the future named john who is haunted by memorys of his past. after WW3 man kind decided to colonise the rest of the solar system and they live in big dome citys. john had just finished an assassination when he got a new job to take out the leader of a new nazi group. for cover he decided to team up with a bounty hunter named chris. after awhile he hears on the news that the man he was sent to kill was already dead and he saw how he was killed, he suspects the man who betrayed him. the main bad guy in the story is a man named dameon, john and dameon used to work togeather in a mafia group called the red tigers, after a big job dameon shot john and left him for dead. the story between dameon and john is kindof complex and im not done with it yet. but anyway john decides to stay with chris untill he can find dameon and kill him.

i mite be done with in in about another month and then theres the part about transfering it from paper to the computer. tell me what you think of my story

Wacky_Baccy
11-19-2002, 11:48 PM
It sounds awesome! :eek:

I wanna read it as soon as possible :D

...Any chance of a sneak-peek once you've got a version on your computer? :D

Darth Groovy
11-19-2002, 11:55 PM
Might be neat to have a stories only forum, but that's just my idea. I'll run it by matt-windu when I get a chance. I have read some really really good stuff here , so I think it would be good.

Wacky_Baccy
11-20-2002, 12:06 AM
That sounds like an excellent idea, Groovy - I hope the admins are still in their forum-creating mood... :) :D

Darth Groovy
11-20-2002, 01:38 AM
Well I've submitted the idea of a Stories based forum, for both Star Wars and non-Star Wars related fan fiction. We will see what happens next. I've been tossing the idea around for some time, but the recent creation of new forums and this thread have brought the idea back on the table again. Keep your fingers crossed kids! :cool:

[edit- the fact that so many forums have been created already might work against this idea but I hope not :( ]

acdcfanbill
11-20-2002, 03:03 AM
interesting story idea, hopefully the story isnt as long as that War and Peace sig u have there.... :D

Darth Groovy
11-20-2002, 03:04 AM
Yeah i'm a big fan of the folding chair part myself? w00t?

Taos
11-20-2002, 05:41 AM
Hey WhiteDragon....the story sounds good to me! I want to know more about that relationship between Dameon and John.......it would have to be pretty complex. Any word on when it might be finished??

Nice job!! :D

Reb Starblazer
11-20-2002, 06:43 AM
Don't mean to rain on your parade Dragon, but that sounds an awful lot like the premise of Cowboy Bebop. Just thought I'd let you know what I think about it. But hey, if done right, it'll still be great man. After all, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.:D

I get the feeling Cowboy Bebop may have an influence on my writing now as well, that show just seems to have that kind of effect on people.

leXX
11-20-2002, 07:03 AM
It sounds really great whitedragon, can't wait to read it! ;)

Clemme w/Stick
11-20-2002, 08:50 AM
Sounds pretty good, will you post it or something like that? well, keep me up to date!

The story line sounds pretty good and sortof exciting!

*Runs away*

-Clemme

Kstar__2
11-20-2002, 09:54 AM
it sounds great whitedragon, i'm shure going to read it ! :thumbsup:!

Darklighter
11-20-2002, 11:35 AM
Originally posted by Darth Groovy
Well I've submitted the idea of a Stories based forum, for both Star Wars and non-Star Wars related fan fiction. We will see what happens next. I've been tossing the idea around for some time, but the recent creation of new forums and this thread have brought the idea back on the table again. Keep your fingers crossed kids! :cool:

[edit- the fact that so many forums have been created already might work against this idea but I hope not :( ]

That sounds really good. If a forum could be made for just stories, that would be excellent. I think people who want to post their stories on here get stuck as to whether they post in the Swamp or the RP section. So yeah, it sounds like a great idea:)

I've been working on some stories for my character in the Academy Wars, and I've started writing a thriller/drama story...you guys'll have to wait and see what it's about;)heh

And that sounds so cool White:)I'm a sucker for futuristic Sci-Fis (Blade Runner is one of my favourite films). Can't wait to read it:)

<Im Yo Pusha>
11-20-2002, 11:52 AM
Its pretty good, but sounds kind of firmiliar. I like Groovy's idea for a story/review thread. I have a couple of finished scripts, I write alot and am going to film school at USC. But, I could pitch some of the ideas. One of the stories was sold to a guy at New Line, who could put together the film ,but Im not sure yet. Once I graduate Id like to work for a studio though. Anyways, good job man.

Post back when the mods make a decision bout the story thread (if u contacted them)

Mex
11-20-2002, 11:58 AM
Cool master! Sounds pretty good to me! :thumbsup:

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 03:53 PM
Originally posted by Reb Starblazer
Don't mean to rain on your parade Dragon, but that sounds an awful lot like the premise of Cowboy Bebop. Just thought I'd let you know what I think about it. But hey, if done right, it'll still be great man. After all, imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.:D

I get the feeling Cowboy Bebop may have an influence on my writing now as well, that show just seems to have that kind of effect on people.
wel uhhh *scratches head* i got a bunch of ideas from the show. but i have been toying with this story even before i heard of cowboy bebop though i will admit that i have to change abunch of my story because its almost too similar.

but ph33r not all most all of it will be origional

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 03:55 PM
btw what do you guys think of the title

<Im Yo Pusha>
11-20-2002, 04:13 PM
I like the title, keep working on the story and change some of the similarities

Taos
11-20-2002, 04:18 PM
Hhmmm......the title sounds good. But I just think Devil's Advocate for some reason......*shrugs* Not that I have anything in mind. ;)

I like your ideas and btw, I've never heard of Cowboy Bebop.

PhantomHelix
11-20-2002, 04:23 PM
cowboy bebop is an anime show.

you should defnitely change some of the similarities, but other than that, its awesome dude! good work! :thumbsup:

Pad
11-20-2002, 04:25 PM
think its gonne be a great story dragon. keep me posted.;)

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 04:31 PM
i could post a quick preview if anybody wants just tell me if you want an actions scene or what ever

edit: i must warn you that the story may be cool but im not sure how well its written

Bob Gnarly
11-20-2002, 04:45 PM
hmmm nice but for some reason i think Trigun in a scence but oh well and Darth Strom isnt that hannibals avatar?

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 04:50 PM
Originally posted by KingPin
hmmm nice but for some reason i think Trigun in a scence but oh well and Darth Strom isnt that hannibals avatar?
i havent seen trigun before

Bob Gnarly
11-20-2002, 04:55 PM
well im not acussing you of anything but.....im just saying other then that i LOVE IT!

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 04:56 PM
Originally posted by KingPin
well im not acussing you of anything but.....im just saying other then that i LOVE IT! well thanks for the good complements guys

ckcsaber
11-20-2002, 05:26 PM
Just wondering whitedragon, does your title have anything to do with the Rolling Stones song "Sympathy for the Devil"?

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 06:06 PM
Originally posted by ckcsaber
Just wondering whitedragon, does your title have anything to do with the Rolling Stones song "Sympathy for the Devil"? no ive never even heard of that song

ckcsaber
11-20-2002, 06:17 PM
Oh, its a pretty good song too. BTW your story's plot seems to be really good

whitedragon
11-20-2002, 06:19 PM
Originally posted by ckcsaber
Oh, its a pretty good song too. BTW your story's plot seems to be really good
it mite not be written too well though :o

Taos
11-20-2002, 08:31 PM
Originally posted by whitedragon

it mite not be written too well though :o


Well, you can still edit the thing before you show us.........or at least send it to someone you can trust for the editing. :D

I can't wait to see it!

Jed
11-20-2002, 08:50 PM
*hints that he is a good editor*

:D

Well, in any event, it'll be great to read it.

If you ever want me to edit something guys, get in contact with me :thumbsup:

Wacky_Baccy
11-20-2002, 08:58 PM
Posted by whitedragon
it mite not be written too well though :o
We can help with tweaking it, if you like :) ...And besides, it's the plot that makes the story, really - and this story's plot sounds pretty kewl to me :D

I'll proof-read it for you if you'd like me to... Help you work out any kinks... I like doing that sort of thing, oddly enough :D

DiRtY $oUtH™
11-20-2002, 09:17 PM
sounds like a masterpiece in the works...

Dath Maximus
11-20-2002, 09:22 PM
if only i could read.

ohh well, ill get someone to read it to me:D

whitedragon
11-21-2002, 10:27 AM
well thanks for the offer of editing it for me guys
and btw ive started typeing the beginning of it because im kindof stuck on where im at so ill post the opening in a little bit

whitedragon
11-21-2002, 11:22 AM
heres the opening. it isent as good as it would be because i lost the papers i had :o

“Jesus Christ this place stinks! Those Russians better get here soon” charley O’Neal said with disgust. “shut up do you want anyone to know were down here” marks Roberts said. The sewer wasent exactly the best place to hold a conversation but it was a good place to give the leaders of the second soviet union war secrets so that they could return to there former glory but after he gave the information he would have to get out of mars fast. “What was that?” one of marks henchmen said. “What to you mean,” said O’Neal “ I heard a splash.” marks sighed “O’Neal check it out” “me “ “no the mouse in your pocket. Get going!” O’Neal got going around the corner to where the splash was heard but very reluctantly.

“Why is it always me” O’Neal though he had been walking for a while and was about to give up when he heard movement beside him. He turned and looked but no one was there. He drew his gun and looked around, nothing. He sighed a heavy sigh but his relief was soon destroyed by the small sound of dripping water right behind him. He turned around and didn’t even have time to scream as he saw the flash of cold steel.

“What the hell is taking charley so long? Someone go and…oh my God” he saw it in the sewage, blood, Charles blood. Everyone drew their guns. Anew of them without being told anything ran down the sewer passage, a few minutes later marks heard gunfire and screams. Every one else beside one person went down the passage too but they never even had time to scream. Marks looked over at the man who was next to him but he wisent there anymore. He was dead on the ground. A figure jumped down inform of marks. Marks fired at him but weather the bullets hit or not he wisent sure. “Please don’t hurt me please” the figure spoke in a cold voice “It is time to pay for your sins and to repent for all the innocent lives that you hurt” but marks couldn’t repent because he was already dead.

The figure moved with great speed through the back alleys of mars being careful not to be seen and he wasent seen after all he was one of the best. The apartment that he rented was very small but it suited him. The man took a shower and shaved and changed his blood soaked cloths to a white undershirt, blue jeans, black leather jacket and fingerless gloves, he had long blond hair and a pair of blue eyes that said that this was not a man to step on because you mite end up stepping on a nail. He brought out a Japanese katana and put it in a sheath, the second he did that it disappeared; it had a clocking device so that you could not see it when it was sheathed. He put on two shoulder holsters and put two handguns in them. He put on his jacket and put the katana on his back Then walked out the door into the world

Yom
11-21-2002, 01:30 PM
Nice i like I like.

man white u are really good i like the whole damn thing. but i keeping up with the dialoge a lil dificult but oh well. i think it is going to turn out nicely. so pleas keep me posted on how it tuns out. it is a great intro.

Yom

P.S. keep up the good work good chap