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View Full Version : Fan Story Needs Review, Calling all Critics!!!


Lost Welshman
02-14-2003, 02:09 PM
Ok, first of all, please dont move this story, I know its not in the right forum really but you didnt say I could'nt have it, and I know that I'll get more response here.

Anyway, please read it through, its proboably make more sence if youve heard of the series but it should be ok for those who havent.

The story is a bit long butI think its readable. Also it isnt finished yet so sorry if you wanted more. Thanks again here it is:

Monkey Island
The Secret Revealed


Deep In the Caribbean, On the Cliffs of Mêlée Island™:
‘ From the Log of Guybrush Threepwood As the days past I begin to lose all hope, I fear I may have to save myself. Yikes! I can do this, I’ve saved myself before. There was that time when the Evil Ghost Pirate, LeChuck, tried to kill me, I sorted him out with good old Root Beer. There was that other time when the Evil Zombie Pirate, LeChuck!, tried to kill me, I used good ol’ voodoo to get him. Oh yeah and there was the Evil Demon Zombie Pirate, LeChuck, who I buried under a mountain of ice. And, there was the Evil Statue Pirate, LeChuck, I managed to defeat him with The Ultimate Insult. Hmmm, there’s a pattern emerging here. That undead pile of monkey poop better not show his rotting face ever again, For I am Guybrush Threepwood, Might Pirate’

A few of the local pirates of Mêlée were listening, they heard the sound of struggling and then a figure emerged, his blonde hair and dopey face dulled the hopes of the surrounding pirates as they expected to see a great, strong pirate.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, on the shores of an island off the coast of Australia. A Large ship pulled into the dock, a ‘Mandrill Express’ tourist company ship. The horn sounded and down dropped a long plank of wooden stairs. Hundreds of tourists poured off the ship and into the docks. There they waited for another ship to take them all the way home. On of the tourists was explaining to his son how Ozzie Mandrill was killed by a disgusting pirate called, Guybrush Threewool. The child looked up into the night sky with a scared look on his face, when suddenly he noticed a small green light getting larger and larger. Soon everyone saw it, and there came a terrible cry of a pirate as the object flew closer. It was a giant pirate statue. The statue crashed into the ground, leaving a large smoking crater.

The people crowded round and the dust began to settle. Soon the tourists at the front could see the statue, the child who first saw the light noticed the eyes gradually begin to glow green so he crept back behind his father, into the darkness. The statues eyes were glowing even brighter now and everyone could see. Suddenly the green glow brew brighter and brighter, the statue cried out, ‘ARGH!!!!!!’, the crowd had to cover their eyes because of the intensity of the glow. When they lowered their hands they saw a horrific, pirate skeleton standing on the statue with his black beard blowing in the wind, the skeleton bent down and picked up a pirate hat that was lying on some old brown pirate boots on the skeletons feet. “Ha ha ha ha har!”., the pirate laughed.

There was a silence among the crowd. The Skeleton Pirate raised his hand and aimed it towards a fat tourist. A green bolt shot out of the mans head and into the skeletons hand. A blue arua began to surround the pirate, “That’s Le….LeChuck” one of the tourists near the back pointed out, the other tourists eyes opened and they began to run around in all directions. LeChuck absorbed the life from each of the tourists, turning them into an army, an army of undead tourists. The more life absorbed, the more LeChuck began to change, he had fully recovered a ghost form, then his slightly visible skeleton began to grow rotting organs. Then a green, rotting skin formed over LeChuck, he was in his Zombie form. A brave tourist picked up a large plank of wood and went to smash LeChuck’s face, but he was too slow and had the life taken from him, LeChuck was enjoying every minute of it. As the last few tourists were absorbed LeChucks beard caught fire and his eyes went yellow, his skin began to turn slimy. There was one man left quivering on the boat. He hid in the captains cabin, and outside he could hear demonic laughing and footsteps. There was a monstrous belch from the other side of the door, which was soon smashed in. In the doorway stood LeChuck, about 7ft tall. LeChuck opened his hand and the man was killed, sort of. LeChuck let out a terrible scream with his hands in the air. With the seemingly agonizing pain LeChuck began to change, his back became even more hunched over and his flaming beard grew brighter, and a horrific pair of wings ripped out of his back. LeChuck turned to the still cowering tourist, and
let out a terrible roar. LeChuck turned back to normal, but with red glowing eyes. “Go to Mêlée Island™, and find Governor Elaine Marley. Make sure she is brought to me, but do not just snatch her away, try stirring up some trouble between her and that unworthy pirate, Guybrush Thrrrrreepwood!!!”
“y...y...yes Captain LeChuck Sir.. Right away.” The Tourist Skeleton darted out of the room, leaving LeChuck laughing to himself.


Part 1
Marriage Problems


“Honey I’m Home”, Guybrush had just burst through the doors of his former Mansion on Mêlée island. Guybrush looked across the empty room, he looked in the closet to his right and glanced up the stairs, “Oh”. Guybrush went into the kitchen and could smell a charcoal smell from outside. He picked up a spoon and noticed he has grown a slight beard. “Wow!, who’s that dashing young pirate I see in there” Guybrush began to do his hair using the spoon as a mirror. When Guybrush looked up he saw Elaine and Grandpa Marley looking at him with confused looks on their faces. “Wh...what!”
“Oh Guybrush” Elaine said in a comforting voice, Guybrush smiled. “WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!” Guybrush’s smile soon faded into his usual, confused look. “I...I…was...TIMMY!, where's that little guy”
“Why are you so interested in where Timmy is? And Where have you been for the past five days!”
“Oh, it all happened five days ago, WAIT! I’m not going to have another flashback something weird is going to happen. Anyway I was waving goodbye to Jojo Jr. when Timmy pushed me off the Mêlée island cliffs.”
“Very well dear. Lets go then” Elaine brushed past Guybrush with little monkeys following her with luggage bags.

Guybrush walked up to his room excitedly and opened his wardrobe, “Hmmm, what to wear with my new beard”, He Pulled out a big blue pirates coat and turned towards the mirror. He put the coat on grabbed a suitcase, hid some grog in it and left the room. He jumped onto the banister and began to slide down it, “Weeeee” Guybrush shouted as he slid, he landed flat on his back on the hard wooden floor. “Guybrush!!!” Elaine called from outside.
“Err….Coming Dear” he replied worriedly, he heard a demonic laughing as he walked to get a mysterious bag lying on the floor. “Hmmmm… I wonder where I should put this bag. I Know” with that said Guybrush shoved the bag into his trousers and walked proudly through the mansion door, rubbing the stubble on his face.

Elaine and Guybrush turned to wave goodbye to Governor Horatio Marley as they boarded their ship. “Ah, life on the sea, there’s nothing better” Guybrush began as he unpacked his, well… his trousers. Hours passed as the couple journeyed to Duck Island Holiday resort. “Are we there yet?”
“No”
“Are we there yet”
“No Guybrush now be quite I’m trying to read”
“What are you reading?”
“it’s an information sheet, ‘How to get ahead in navigating’ “. Guybrush decided to visit the chef in the kitchen. Feeling angry he decided to take Elaine back to Monkey Island™ and added some ingrediants to the chefs stew. “Now what were they again, monkey blood…..ok where’s Timmy?” Guybrush searched the ship for Timmy but there was no sign of him. “Ah well, I’ll have to make the most of Duck Island.”
“Guybrush! were here!” Elaine called from the top deck. Guybrush ran out from the kitchen onto the deck and saw the island, it was full of kids. “Uh Elaine, this is a childrens resort, It’s …. PINK!”
“That’s not our resort, our resort is on the otherside of the island. I hear its good”
“Phew, I really really don’t like pink”. Guybrush walked through the crowd of little children with pink candyfloss pink baloons, the walls of all the buildings were different shades of pink, even the clouds were pink. Guybrush Shuddered.Half an hour later they were leaving the childrens resort and Guybrush heard another demonic laugh. “Hey, I know that laugh. Murray?, Murray!... Oh, I guess it was my imagination” there was a quite s****** but this time Guybrush didn’t hear it.

Elaine and Guybrush finally made it out of the children's resort, Guybrush’s head was spinning after seeing all of the pink mascots and pink walls, and repetitive children's music. Finally the couple made it to the resort, and began the search for their hotel. Guybrush saw a figure in the bushes, he felt uncomfortable when he heard the s******ing. “Hello???, who are you” Guybrush called,
“I’m just the...err….resort...guard, yeah that’s it, I’m the resort guard, move along” the figure said, followed by a s******. Guybrush being ignored the s******ing and followed Elaine. They arrived at the hotel, Guybrush looked up and read the sign in horror, “The PORCELAIN HOTEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Guybrush screamed and grabbed onto a tree as Elaine tried to pull him in, “I’m not going in there!” Guybrush protested, “Look Honey, that whole thing with the porcelain was a long time ago,”
“I don't care how long ago it was, ergh, porcelain” Guybrush was very distressed, the couple began to argue even more. “Look honey you can stay there but I think I’ll fit in more at ‘The Grog House’,
“No way Guybrush, remember what happened last time we went away and you got your hands on a grog” Elaine argued,
“Fine, I’ll find another hotel to stay in, see you tomorrow darling” Guybrush said as he wandered off, he found a nice little hotel called ‘The Monkey Head Hotel’ so he stayed there for the night.

Early the next morning Guybrush was awoken by Elaine, “Guybrush!!! I know it was you making those scary noises last night, and if you ever do anything like that again, I’ll...I’ll, Divorce you. “What?” Guybrush was very confused, “I didn't do anything last night, I just rode the mechanical manatee and then went to sleep, I swear I didn't make any noises. I don't want to set foot anywhere near that hotel” Guybrush shuddered with the thought of porcelain. “I know it was you Guybrush, now I wont have anymore of it. I'm going to the Beauty parlor, and I wont be out until this evening, and please try not to get kicked out of any places” Elaine left without giving Guybrush the chance to say goodbye. Guybrush sat in bed with a bewildered look on his face. “Hmmm, time to investigate”, Guybrush opened his wardrobe and pulled out some clothes, he put on his long blue pirate coat, pulled up his baggy black trousers and fixed on his big bulky belt, last but not least he put on his big brown pirate boots and tied back his hair. Guybrush left the hotel, loaded with pieces of eight.

Guybrush decided to find a nearby bar, for two reasons, one they had grog and with his stubble they’re sure to let him drink. The other reason was to find information on who was disturbing his beloved wife. He came to a tavern of the name ‘The Drunken Monkey’, Guybrush rubbed the stubble on his face and grinned, he then entered the bar. “Threepwood, Guybrush Threepwood is that you? Oh my god, its him guys” A voice said from the corner. “Captain Smirk, what are you doing here?”
“Guys, this is the guy I told you about, he fought ‘The Machine’ for hours, it was supposed to be a ten minute session but he didn't give up. How’ve things been Threepwood”
“Oh the usual, trying to get rid of annoying Undead pirates, you know, the usual”
“Ha ha, you’ve got a good sense of humor Threepwood, are you a pirate yet?”
“Uh, I’ve been a pirate for a few years now, I'm married to Elaine” Guybrush said proudly,
“You mean Governor Elaine, ok, there’s a line between being funny and just plain lying!”
“Seriously, look” Guybrush showed Smirk his ring, and after seeing the captains angry look, he pulled out the gubernatorial idol that he ‘borrowed’ from grandpa Marley. “So you’re here with the governor, Ok I’ve got to go” Smirk said with a panicked look on his face. “We’re not staying, were on our second honeymoon. Besides she’s not the governor anymore, grandpa Marley is.”
“I thought he was dead, died off the coast of Australia, that’s what I heard, I also heard there’s been some trouble over there. Something to do with some pirate guy”
“Boy, let me tell you, if you knew half the stories that I’ve heard about Australians and what they do to pirates, you’d be scared to even think about the place. Do you know of any disturbances recently on this island?” Guybrush asked,
“Now that you mention it, there was word of some guy peering into a window in ‘The Porcelain Hotel’ and whispering things. Nobody really got a clear view of him but apparently he was abnormally skinny, like a skeleton.” Smirk told Guybrush more about the story. Guybrush began to get scared. “Why are you so worried Guybrush” Smirk asked.
“I’ve got a feeling that I’ve been followed here, and I really hope I'm wrong about this, but..” Guybrush gulped, “ I think that maybe LeChuck isn’t dead, what I mean is I don't think I destroyed him when I used the ultimate insult and the power of monkey combat to defeat him”
“You mean to tell me that you faced the most evil pirate to sail the seven seas, you mean to say YOU are the one who defeated LeChuck, Ha, I find that hard to believe, you nearly had be convinced for a moment there, now leave me alone, I don't like liars.” Guybrush turned around and began to leave, disappointed, when a drunken man grabbed him on the arm and began making fun of him. “Monkey boy, ha ha, oop oop oop” The man made a pose, very similar to the Drunken monkey pose, Guybrush took the same posed, and the drunken pirates friends began to laugh. “Ack Oop Chee” Guybrush said, and moved into another pose, Then with a quick spin he thrust his hand forward and blasted the man across the room. The bar stood silent. Guybrush walked out, thinking he was very cool. “So its true, he is the pirate who defeated LeChuck, four times” Captain Smirk said as Guybrush left.

As Guybrush left the bar he was noticed by Elaine, “Guybrush!!!!!!! What were you doing in that Bar, that it Guybrush, if you ignore me one more time were through”
“But Elaine…” Guybrush tried to explain but Elaine didn't want to know, so she walked into the hotel she was staying in.

That night Guybrush decided to see if there was a skeleton pirate trying to scare Elaine so he set off to the porcelain hotel. When he got there he heard a rustling in the bushes, then out popped a dark figure in a black cloak, it climbed up the side of the hotel in an unnatural fashion. It peered into a window and began talking in a scary voice, “He’s coming for you ...Elaine… he’s going to take you to Big Whoop and there you will be made his..” *THWACK* Elaine knocked the figure on the head with a pan, Guybrush was standing directly under it so it landed on his head and knocked him out, the figure dropped its cape over Guybrush and darted into the bushes. Elaine came outside to investigate, she had a torch in one had lighting her on the way, she went round to the side of the hotel and saw a cloaked pile on the floor. She walked over to it and ripped it away.

Late the next morning Guybrush woke up, after a few seconds he realized what had happened. “aw no” he thought, he stood up and scratched his forehead, where he found a post it note.
‘Guybrush,
I’ve gone to stay in my mansion on Booty Island ™, I hope you have a miserable time trying to get off that island your on. And while your doing that I hope you have time to think about your childishness, if you don't then I want a divorce.’
Guybrush sighed and fell back onto the floor. When he decided that he had to do something about what happened with Elaine he got up and headed to the drunken monkey. When Guybrush stumbled through the door there was silence. He walked over to Captain Smirk. “Hi Smirk, could I join your crew, I need to get off this island as soon as possible.”
“Guybrush, are you okay? You can join my crew, as long as you can teach me that whole Monkey kombat thing.”
“Okay, I’ll teach you the basics. There are five basic stances….” Guybrush explained to the captain for hours. Suddenly the bar doors opened and in the doorway stood a small monkey. “Timmy!!” Guybrush said before rushing over and grabbing him. Guybrush placed Timmy on the floor near Smirk, “Okay captain try out what you’ve learned” Timmy thought he would trick Smirk with monkey kombat and took the position of the Charging Chimp. Smirk stood up and took the same position, and spoke “ Ack Chee Oop” Smirk was in the Anxious Ape position, he kicked Timmy across the room, don't worry he wasn't harmed. “Thanks Guybrush, I’m sorry I didn't believe you before about the LeChuck thing, I would be very glad to have you on my crew. Just get your things and we’ll leave”.

Guybrush got back to his hotel room and packed some things, including hotel towels. He heard an evil laugh coming from the mysterious bag, so he decided to open it. Guybrush zipped the bag open and saw something that he wasn't really surprised to see. “Murray, I knew that you were around” Guybrush picked Murray up. “Hello Guybrush, I’ve decided, I’m not cut out for this evil stuff. Don’t get me wrong , If I had my body I would have taken over the Caribbean, I can without my body as well, but its harder that it looks. I’ve decided to stick with you. You seem to have more fun that I’ve had recently.”
“That’s good to hear Murray, but how did you get off that stool, and how did you manage to get to Mêlée Island™ and into the governor’s mansion?”
“Using my Demonically Evi….. Oh wait… I don't want to talk about it” Guybrush accepted Murray’s lame excuse and stuffed him into the bag for safe keepings. As Guybrush left for the docks he wondered, what if LeChuck was back, will he be able to fix things with Elaine, and how the hell did Murray manage to do the zip up on the mysterious bag. Guybrush got to the docks and walked on board the ship. He was about to begin his biggest adventure yet.


There it is, sorry its so long.

Now that you've read it could you please tell me what you think,

Does it make you want to read more,
Have I captured the spirit of the Monkey Island series,
Do you like the storyline (So far, I havent really got into it but Its obvious what im leading to).

Also your welcome to be nasty :D .