View Full Version : What should I do?

El Sitherino
02-19-2003, 08:16 PM
All my life my dad has been yelling at me to do something. He tells me I'm lazy. But yet he rarely does anything.
He thinks his childhood was harder than mine. I doubt it. I've had a gun stuck to my head on multiple occasions.
I've been mugged. I've gotten in many fights. He said when he was my age he had jobs that he would do, he said
he would mow lawns for money. Well it's hard to mow lawns when first people dont want you to second when the
grass is almost always dead or dying. third people dont trust people anymore. He never had his parents divorced.
He and my mom split up when I was in the 5th grade. My dad never lets me make my own decisions. He has never
given me a chance to show maturity and responsibility. I have to walk to and from school and then I have to clean
the entire house and I have to help my mom move. I have no problem with it but when he makes me do all the moving
I find it kind of hypocritical for him to call me lazy and yet the only work he does is go to his job and make
his bed and clean his room. I'm tired of life. I can't have any fun for more than 3 hours a week. Even when I'm
on the internet he finds some chore for me to do, he spills his coffee he makes me clean it up. Then when I come
home from school with some bad grades he yells at me and grounds me when its his fault I'm failing. I never have
anytime to do anything except on the weekends or when I'm sick which is really hard since I'm throwing up. He
constantly makes noises and never shuts up about anything. He always jumps in and just starts talking completely
randomly. He has hit me on several occasions and has even choked me multiple times. I don't know why I haven't
reported him. My mom just seems to be able to convince me to just let it be. I hear cases of child abuse on the
news and it makes me sad. He has even called me a fat ass peice of **** and told me I was an accident. On many
occasions when he has met a women he likes he says it is my fault she left him. I admit I'm not perfect and I am
somewhat hypocritical but he makes me feel like I'm useless in this world. He has even had the gall to ask me why
I have thought about suicide and why my wall has "I hate my life" painted on it. There are very few things
keeping me from actually killing myself. My GF for one, my friends, my sister, the possiblity that something good
will happen for me someday. And when I'm not being fussed at by my dad it's my teachers or some other adult.
They tell me I'm lazy and that I'm a slacker. Many of these teachers just give us the worksheets and don't even
give us a lesson or notes yet they call me lazy. People on the street even give me gripey criticism. They tell me
to get a haircut or to get a life just because the way I look people think I'm trouble. I've been banned from
stores just because I look different. I express my opinion in public and people hate me for it. I feel like there
is nothing for me to do that I won't get yelled at for. I don't want to conform into a society that breeds this
kind of hate. What is it that I am meant for? Why do I have to go through this? I realise there are kids that are
starving but at least they get a fund. There isn't a fund for kids who have abusive parents and are constantly
picked on. My parents send me to see a psychiatrist.I go there and I'm put into a Institution for the mentally
unstable. Why? because people don't know how to handle people like me, people who have a free will and refuse to
let it be crushed by people who wish to oppress it. I am a Slave to the world.

What should I do? I feel like nothing is worth this.

02-19-2003, 08:22 PM



If your own father is trying to kill you, you should have him removed from your life, as fast as possible. No joke. People shouldn't be subjected to such terror.

How old are you? Are you planning on moving the hell away from your parents the moment you hit 18? I'd probably advise it.

El Sitherino
02-19-2003, 08:24 PM
I'm 16. my mom is nice but I think she is scared like me.
My dad always asks why i stay in my room. the reason is because im afraid. i have called the police once but they did nothing.

02-19-2003, 08:31 PM
Well, first of all, I'm really sorry your life is like that. I hope it gets better. :( As far as your teachers are concerned, what I would suggest is to strive to always do your work and go above and beyond what is called for, so that when people call you lazy, you have something to point to to defend yourself. And if there are any clubs like Foreign Language Club or whatever, try those. At least it'll keep you away from your home. :\

DC | Dark Luke
02-19-2003, 08:37 PM
I`m so sorry man, i have been in a similar situation, no violence was used, but words can be violence.

The only thing i can say to u is that you must BE CAREFUL, and if things go too violent, get out, run, ask for help, talk to your friends, but do not let other person treat you like scum, you are a human being and u desearve to do whatever u want, and say whatever u think.


Reborn Outcast
02-19-2003, 10:48 PM
Wow I'm real sorry Insane. BUT TALK TO SOMEONE. Anyone, a teacher, a counselor the police... someone who can do something. If the poice don't do anything try and set up vidoes cameras or something, anything, to catch what is happening to you on tape then show the police.

02-19-2003, 11:42 PM
First thing you should do is talk to someone who cares and who is willing to listen to you, like a school counselor or teacher. There has to be someone in your life that can help you overcome this difficulty you are facing in your life right now, such as your friends or a close relative.

Try to make a list of enjoyable things in life for you. Forget about the negative aspects of your life. Anything can be changed. If you have not already, try to talk to your dad and describe what you are feeling. It may feel awkward or frightening, but only until you confront your fears will you overcome them. Instead of cutting people that mean alot to you out of your life, try to improve and broaden your connections with that person. Do an enjoyable activity together. Talk about things you both are interested in. If all this fails and worse comes to worst, talk to a mature adult who cares and have him/her listen to both sides of the story, yours and your father's. I'm sure a teacher or counselor or someone at school is willing to help you. SEEK HELP, AND NEVER GIVE UP HOPE!!

Good luck, mon ami.

02-20-2003, 02:14 AM
Dude I am sorry for all the crap that you have to put up with at home. I understand what you mean about staying in your room cause I do the same thing. I don't do it cause I am afraid though. I just do it cause I know that if I am in my room my mom can't start a fight with me or anything.

As for what your dad has done to you physically I am sorry. Me and my older have both gone through the same thing with my mom. What I do whenever my mom get's crazy at me I do the same to her. I have a very bad temper and whenever I get pushed to the edge I lose and she see's what I am capable of. I just have my mom scared cause she know's that if she pushes me that I am hard to calm down and that just keeps her from scaring you. I also hear the same thing about being lazy. I just know that what I do at school that I am not lazy and that I do stuff even though they may say otherwise.

I know what you mean also about just staying there cause of your sister and people who you do care about. That is a good reason and the one that has kept me through it. Don't listen to half the crap that your dad tells you cause you know that it is all bull$hit. You know the truth and that is all that matters. I don't advise you to try to hurt your dad or anything but show him that your not a little kid anymore that is going to take crap from anyone including him.

I hope that everything get's better and stuff. Why don't you stay with your mom? I don't know why but you should try to see if your mom can get custody of you cause it sounds like she treats you way better.

:lsduel: :duel:

Lunatic Jedi
02-20-2003, 07:27 AM
You can't let it get to you when people pick on you. Remind yourself that the problem lies not within yourself, but within them. They are the narrowminded ones who can't accept you and your individuality.

Remind yourself that they are simply shallow and insipid, products of society's conformist cookie-cutters. They have had individuality bred out of them, but that doesn't mean you have too. This is a society of free expression. Our constitution defines it as an inalienable right. If someone kicks you out of a store based on your appearance, let them know that what they just did is legally considered unconstitutional and unamerican.

In my opinion, the shallow masses that judge people by their appearance are the lowest, most despicable level of society. You have every right to express yourself the way you do, to say what you want, and to dress the way you want.

02-20-2003, 11:35 AM
talk too someone a teacher (one you don't have if that makes it easier) or a counsiler, go back to the police and make them listen, i'm not sure where you are but there should be charity hot lines that you can call and they will be able to give you numbers of places with qualifed counsilers who specialize in this type of case and place where you could go to get away from your dad (for however long you like)
good luck
pm me if you would like to talk I'm a med student and have access to lots of books if you need that kink of info or just a person to listen. if in Britain there are always the samaritans

02-20-2003, 01:47 PM
First of all, don't despair. Even when a situation appears pretty bleak, with no end in sight...there is hope, and there will be an end. You have to try and take a step back and really assess your life, what you want to achieve, how you want to live, and if your current circumstances don't fit in with that plan, then you have to start taking steps to change your circumstances. I'm not recommending running away from home - if you're outside of the UK I don't know the legal age for you to be able to leave home without your parent's say-so...but in the UK and if you're 16, you're a free bird. My sister left home at the age of 16 and carved out a life for herself. It might have been hard, but she was determined. I didn't fly the nest until I was 20, but that's just me.

Anyway...as others have said in previous posts, you need to try and talk to someone who can offer you proper counsel, either a charity line or someone with their head screwed on the right way. Certainly don't do anything rash...but also don't allow your current situation to continue unchecked.

The hardest thing to do is to actually speak to those people who are criticising or under-rating you in a calm, rational manner. Sometimes you just want to shout at someone, and while that might vent some of your own feelings, it usually means the other person will take you less seriously. If a teacher calls you a slacker, for example...then politely ask them in which ways they feel you can improve yourself. Sometimes you may not like the answer...and sometimes you may not be willing to recognise some of your own short-comings. But we all have short-comings, weaknesses, a lack of ability in some areas of our lives, whether we like to admit it or not. That's why I said take a step back and have a good, hard, long look at yourself - and recognise your strengths and weaknesses.

In my experience, people often try to find faults in others that they find in themselves, and externalise those feelings they have about their own shortcomings and project them onto an easy target. As you stated yourself, your father calls you lazy, but appears to be lazy. Perhaps the things he criticises about you he finds within himself, and regrets the way he is. That doesn't justify the way he treats you...but sometimes understanding the reasons behind someone else's behaviour can help you to deal with a situation more effectively.

As a parent myself, I know I want the best for my own kids...but I think I'm balanced enough to realise they're individuals with their own hopes and aspirations...and abilities. My job is to try and support them in what they'd like to do...or guide them in other directions if their abilities are lacking in some areas. Yes, I do ask them to do some chores, but that's only because I'm trying to put them on the right footing for when they fly the nest, and have to strike out on their own, and manage their own lives. Of course, there's a difference between having a set pattern of shared chores, and using someone as a personal servant or slave.

And you're right...the world has changed, and things that your father (or I - being 35) used to do as a kid are no longer relevant or even safe these days. Perceptions have to change with the times.

You have to focus on what is right for you. If other people don't want to accept you the way you are, the way you look, then that's their problem, not yours. On the other hand, you can't simply turn your back on society...you just have to find the right niche...the right place...to live the way you want.

Good luck.