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Darth Eggplant
03-12-2003, 02:05 AM
1. Can vegetarians eat animal crackers?

2. If man evolved from apes
why do we still have apes?

3. I went to a bookstore
and asked the saleswoman
where the Self Help section was,
she said if she told me
it would defeat the purpose.

4. Should crematoriums give
discounts for burn victims?

5. If a mute kid swears
does his mother
wash his hands with soap?

6. And whose cruel idea was it
to put an "S" in the word "Lisp"?

7. If a man stands
in the middle of the forest speaking
and there is no woman around to hear him....
Is he still wrong?

8. If someone with multiple personalities
threatens suicide....
is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

10. Isn't it scary that doctors call
what they do "practice"?

11. Where do forest rangers go
to get away from it all?

12. What should you do
if you see an endangered animal
eating an endangered plant?

13. If a parsley farmer is sued
do they garnish his wages?

14. Would a wingless fly
be called a walk?

15. Is a shelless turtle
homeless or just naked?

16. Is it true that cannibals
won't eat clowns
because they taste funny?

17. Why do they put Braille
on the drive through bank machines?

18. Do they use sterilized needles
for lethal injections?

19. Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

20. What was the best thing
BEFORE sliced bread?


http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/2/02261336u2t/image2page10.gif

Boba Rhett
03-12-2003, 02:11 AM
LOL

That's good sutff, Eggplant. :D Here, have 50 points.

Rogue15
03-12-2003, 02:33 AM
8. If someone with multiple personalities
threatens suicide....
is it considered a hostage situation?


heehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe!!!!! that's the best!

Darth Homer
03-12-2003, 01:26 PM
*Why do they call it a building if it's already been built?

*Why is it called a tug boat if most of its job is pushing?

*The statement below is true
*The statement above is false

*Don't you think it's funny that all these tough-guy boxers are fighting over a purse?

swphreak
03-12-2003, 02:41 PM
3. I went to a bookstore
and asked the saleswoman
where the Self Help section was,
she said if she told me
it would defeat the purpose.

Ahh. I like that one

Mex
03-12-2003, 02:50 PM
Hmm...

* What do you call a vampire when he's biting someone?

dark jedi 8
03-12-2003, 06:44 PM
there all funny Eggplant! good job. lol:D

Darth Groovy
03-12-2003, 09:50 PM
Now you all know why I am proud to have him as a feature writer for The Manipulation! Look for his work coming soon to the humor section @: www.themanipulation.com

*</shamelessplug>*

leXX
03-13-2003, 06:10 AM
Brilliant, just brilliant! :D

Darth Groovy
03-13-2003, 01:37 PM
Hey I got one...

If pro is the opposite of con, then is progress the opposite of congress?

ckcsaber
03-13-2003, 03:48 PM
:lol:

That is the best joke I have heard in a long while Groovy

swphreak
03-13-2003, 04:47 PM
http://www.themanipulation.com/capacity.jpg

I love that one. Funny site. Oh yea, this cracks me up:

Yoda: victory? You say? Not victory. The shroud of the has fallen. Begun the clone war has.

*Yoda farts*

Yoda: oops did that ruin the dramatic moment?

Darth Groovy
03-13-2003, 06:42 PM
Originally posted by ckcsaber
:lol:

That is the best joke I have heard in a long while Groovy

Denke:roll1:

The other day I told my doctor, Dr. Vinnie Boombatz, I said Doc, I broke my arm in two places.

So he told me to stay out of those two places. :smirk2:

dark jedi 8
03-13-2003, 09:26 PM
lol, that's a good one Darth Groovy!:D

Darth Eggplant
03-14-2003, 01:16 AM
<edit>
the prior joke has been edited, try this one instead
</edit>

3 ducks are in court ,
the judge says:
'okay first duck step up
and tell me your name
and what you're here for.'

the first duck steps up and says:
my name is quack
and i'm here for blowing bubbles in the park

so the judge says okay
then pay a fine and don't do it again.

then the judge says:
okay next duck step up
and tell me your name
and what you're here for.'

the second duck steps up and says:
my name is quack quack
and i'm here for blowing bubbles in the park

so the judge says okay
then pay a fine and don't do it again.

then the judge looks at
the third duck and says:
'okay let me guess
your name is quack quack quack
and you're here for blowing bubbles in the park.'

no your honor I'm Bubbles.'


http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/2/02261336u2t/image2page10.gif

Rogue Nine
03-14-2003, 01:31 AM
That's utterly gross.

leXX
03-14-2003, 05:20 AM
That is one of the most utterly discusting and disturbing jokes I have ever heard. Not funny at all.

Darth Groovy
03-14-2003, 10:48 PM
The Shooting

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast.
That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.


P.S. If I really want to impress a girl I tell her a joke.

Then I give her a $100

*cheap drum roll*

P.P. S. I remember the first time I lost my virginity....

It was the first time I cheated on my wife!

*drum roll*

Rectum? Damn near killed 'em! :p

*runs out of room dodging flying tomatoes*

Darth Eggplant
03-15-2003, 12:36 AM
* the joke that was told 3 posts ago
has been replaced by another joke,
that hopefully will not be
considered as offensive.*

http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/2/02261336u2t/image2page10.gif

ckcsaber
03-15-2003, 01:56 PM
Originally posted by Darth Groovy
The Shooting

An old lady's husband had just died and she felt their was no reason to live anymore. She called the doctor and asked excactly where her heart was. He told her it should be under her left breast.
That night she went to the emergency room with a shot in the knee.


:barf2: Ewww.... now I can't get Grandma out of my head...

Rogue Nine
03-15-2003, 03:50 PM
Buh? Me no get joke.

Darth Groovy
03-15-2003, 07:07 PM
Originally posted by Rogue Nine
Buh? Me no get joke.

Which one? I told a few of them.....

dark jedi 8
03-15-2003, 07:20 PM
the last one you told was pretty funny, though the image of the grandma is a little wierd.:)

Rogue Nine
03-16-2003, 08:41 AM
The grandma one. I'm confused.

Darth Groovy
03-16-2003, 08:44 AM
Warning, this may offend some people, personal disgrection is advised!:
old ladies sometimes get sagging breasts

SmartDragon
03-16-2003, 10:01 AM
believe me when I say that sometimes should be canged to always.
have you ttried to listen to their hearts uhhh.

Kstar__2
03-16-2003, 10:29 AM
:rofl:

that's some funny stuff you guys got there:D

Darklighter
03-16-2003, 10:35 AM
Originally posted by Darth Eggplant
7. If a man stands
in the middle of the forest speaking
and there is no woman around to hear him....
Is he still wrong?

8. If someone with multiple personalities
threatens suicide....
is it considered a hostage situation?

9. Is there another word for synonym?

These are my favourite:lol:

Darth Groovy
03-16-2003, 08:44 PM
Originally posted by SmartDragon
believe me when I say that sometimes should be canged to always.
have you ttried to listen to their hearts uhhh.

But there are those people such as Cher that can afford expensive surgery to avoid that. Perhaps I should change it to usually....

but i'm not gonna:P

Darth Eggplant
04-03-2003, 08:36 PM
Godzilla (n)
monster, reptile, terrible lizard

SARS (acronym)
Severe Acute Respitory Syndrome

DinoSARS (BOC)
History shows again and again
How nature points up the folly of men
...Oh no, there goes Tokyo
there goes Godzilla!http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/2/02261336u2t/image2page10.gif

Sivy
04-03-2003, 08:46 PM
:lol: funny stuff people, keep it coming

Darth Eggplant
04-04-2003, 12:28 AM
http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/3/03202346p63/image1page2.jpg

http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/2/02261336u2t/image2page10.gif

Darth Eggplant
04-20-2003, 12:30 PM
Do YOU know your history?

The teacher asked her
5th grade class, "Who said,
'Give me liberty or give me death!'?"

No one raised his hand except
little Yaki Nasu, who answered,
"Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" she said.
"Who said,
'Government of the people,
by the people, for the people,
shall not perish from the Earth'?"

Again, no response,
except from Yaki Nasu
who answered, "Abraham Lincoln
in the Gettysburg Address, 1863."

The teacher said, "Class, you should
be ashamed. Yaki Nasu, who is new
to our country, knows more about
its history than you do."

She heard a loud whisper,
"Screw the Japs."
"Who said that?" she demanded.
Yaki Nasu put his hand up,
"Lee Iacocca, 1982."

One student in the back blurted out,
"I'm gonna puke."
Again, Yaki Nasu answers,
"George Bush to the
Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yells,
"Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Yaki Nasu jumps out of his chair
waving his hand
and shouts to the teacher,
"Bill Clinton
to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria,
someone said, "You little ****.
If you say anything else,
I'll kill you!"

Yaki Nasu frantically yells
at the top of his voice,
"Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted.
As the class gathered around
the teacher on the floor,
someone said,
"Oh, ****; we're in BIG trouble!"
Yaki Nasu solemnly said,
"Arthur Andersen to Enron, 2002."

http://www.wsmcafe.com/new_users/0/3/03202346p63/image1index.jpg

*yaki nasu is a japanese grilled eggplant dish*

Darth Groovy
04-22-2003, 09:57 AM
Thanks for that Eggplant, your humor never ceases to amaze me. And if you got this joke from some other source, don't tell me, you'll spoil the moment. :p

teutonicknight
05-01-2003, 09:34 PM
Originally posted by Darth Eggplant

10. Isn't it scary that doctors call
what they do "practice"?



http://lucasforums.com/images/icons/icon14.gif Great Stuff:D

"Atrocious"
05-02-2003, 12:53 AM
LOL, nice ones!