View Full Version : How did Rhett get his Elves?

05-13-2003, 02:47 AM
Thread offically sanctioned by Rhett himself :D [Yes, offically - ask Cracken :xp:]
Rhett says:
or maybe we could make a contest too
Rhett says:
"how did rhett get his elves?"
Rhett says:
and the person with the best short story could win points
"Jam, scones, and clotted cream" said the Teapot [ME] says:
...That sounds like a VERY good idea! O.O
"Jam, scones, and clotted cream" said the Teapot says:
Go for it! =D
Rhett says:
you can start it :p *runs away giggling*
Rhett says:
Rhett says:
i've had a lot of sugar, ya seeSee? :D

Now, the point of the thread is fairly simple -

Tell us the story of how Rhett got his Elves, in roughly 300 words (though it doesn't have to be that long) :D

There will be generous prizes [Credits] for several of the best stories/humourous explanations, so get to work and show us how.. unique the Swamp's denizens really are :D

05-13-2003, 02:59 AM
He got 'em because he's special.

No seriously, that's the offical answer: I Pm'ed him once about it. :D

Darth Groovy
05-13-2003, 03:11 AM
And on the eighth day, God said "let Rhett have elves", and so Rhett had his elves.

I guess they just left that out of the Bible...


05-13-2003, 06:11 AM
well, as other people go out in the night to kill spiders, rhett goes out in his backyard to find nice nude female elves next to the pool. but after a couple of months, he was done with looking at them, but he also wouln't want to release them, so he figured he should make them his slaves....

i know, it's stupid:p

05-13-2003, 08:54 AM
Because Rhett is really Santa Claus on vacation :eek:

Oh the horror! :p

What? You thought "Santa's lettle helpers" worked ther willingly?


05-13-2003, 12:54 PM
Yah, Rhett trapped his little elves like monkeys, then Rhett gave then this special sugar wich made them super hyper of the amount they ate. When they are so hyper, they don't know how to think themselves and so they are dependent on rhett for guidence and SUGAR!:D

05-13-2003, 01:46 PM
Rhett farted and the elves fell out.

05-13-2003, 02:41 PM
The Spoon Granted Rhett with 3 wishes in an act of bribary that never worked....
1st wish : an elf
2nd wish: a working slave elf
3rd wish : Tons of elves which will make kilts that produce fumes and such (see my location)

Ask the spoon yourself.. it's true :)
I mean.. the truth is the best story.

05-13-2003, 05:21 PM
Originally posted by Captain wing
Rhett farted and the elves fell out.

:( Distressing thought.....

Makes you wonder how they got there iun the first place!

Hamsters is one thing Rhett, but midgets - thats just inhumane! :p

I reckon he knocked them off from Santa when he wasnt looking....

A little Jedi Mind Trick to get fatso looking for some non-existant milk and cookies, and the rest was easy. :D

05-13-2003, 05:35 PM
Well, when Rhett was traveling to Indonesia, there were a bunch of slave kids. Rjhett, being the evil Stoned Yoda he is, knew that he concieve them. So, Rhett got them to get in his car, heres what he said:
"Come in my car, little boy, I have posioned candy!"
*Kid hops in car*
Then, once inside the car, he drives them back to USA (Yes, over the ocean), gives them rags to wear, glues point ears to them, and shoves them into a factory.
There... I think I read that on Google... :p

Thrackan Solo
05-13-2003, 06:10 PM
I've heard stories...
terrible stories...
stories of mindless newbies wondering off into the forgotten threads looking to spam. Then as they enter the threads out jumps Rhett and threatens bannings unless they dont go willingly to his mighty "Dome of Rhettness" and become his slaves. They go for fear of being banned or even worse hit with a yoinking stick:eek: As they go through the doors, Rhett kicks them into a dungeon and using his Admin powers melts them into little slave elves for all his doings and they are never heard from again.:eek:

Thats the truth. THE TRUTH SHALL BE KNOWN!!!!

*runs for fear of being yoinked*

05-13-2003, 06:42 PM
One day, Rhett was carving himself a nice wooden elf, and said "I wish this was a real elf. One that would make official LucasForums welcoming baskets and then duplicate so I could have an entire stash of them."

And just like that, the wood elf became real.

"You're a real, slave elf!" exclaimed Rhett!

El fin. :D

05-13-2003, 07:49 PM
the shopkeeper said to him "not everything about them is tiny"
Rhett then said "i'll take the lot"


05-13-2003, 08:57 PM
Well you see..it all started when Rhett was 10. He was already well into being saddistic,and having a fetish with elves and little children. So, he studdied them, and studied all thier habits. Well, one habit, which was mating..but erm..let's go on. So anyway, he devised a device that would shoot a web(mind you,this is when he was 15, the other 4 years was spent looking at elf poon and "Playelf") made of rope. He tried it once at the Spaztacular Playelf Enriched Rich Mansion(S.P.E.R.M.) and he got 5 females elfs and none other than the head of Playelf, Big Twig with Berries(who was a male,by the way). Anyway, he commanded Big Twig to start up a website, called Elftor(http://elftor.com/, not my site by the way) which details the most horrific, destructive, homocidal, and down-right naughty parts of his life.

He then did a few evil quests of his own( drinking booze with the devil, playing Grand Theft Auto in reality, and going on a homocidal rampage with a shotgun at Disney World).

Finally, he settled down and found internet forums. He found Lucassforums, and he shot the owner of that. Then he found Lucasforums, and then he got a brilliant idea. Become an admin, and force mate the elves, get a few illegal substances, make a labor army of elves making welcome basket with illegal substances, and soon enough, he thought, everyone would be high and be under his command.

Unfortunately for him, he got high too and so everyone is now in a state of utter hiiiiiiiiiigh.....ooh...good stuff...

05-13-2003, 11:01 PM
I know what your question is"Where did Rhett get his elves?" It can't be explained, you must see it for yourselve. Now, will you take the red pill or the blue pill. Red, you'll see Rhett's elf labor. Blue, you go back to your daily posting.

*Red Pill*

You're hooked to a weird machine. Immediately you notice changes. Then, you black out. You wake up, coming out of gooy liquid. You look around. Millions of little pods with Elves!!! you look at yourself, YOUR AN ELF!!!!Then you look up to see a ship, it lifts you out of the pod. You black out and so on for a few days, finally you wake up. There over you is a creature with a cigarette and looks like Yoda from Star Wars. "hello, I'm Rhett, Boba Rhett," he says with a puff of his cigarette, then starts cracking up. You ask whats so funny. He replies with,"I can't believe you also fell for the Matrix plot trick. You are now my elf.HAHAHAHHAHAHA. That's number 1,005,248,248!!

05-15-2003, 01:41 PM
. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . So. . . . . . . . . .

Where did he get his elves?

05-16-2003, 04:07 PM
That's for you lot to answer for the time being :p

Rhett will give you the official explanation, and award the credits for the best answers as soon as I remind him that he told me to make the thread in the first place x.X

I wish he'd stickyed it when I suggested to, but he was lost in his sugar high, so meh :p

I'm sure there are a few more of you who can come up with some good answers in the next couple of days =)

05-16-2003, 08:09 PM
How did Rhett get his slave elves, did you say? Easy, he threatened the Easter Bunny that he'd yoink him with his yoinking stick unless the Easter Bunny delivered slave elves to his mansion throughout the whole year. Unfortunately, the Easter Bunny was shot 1 year later, and was never heard from since then on. As for the Elves, well guess where they went!

*Shows a picture of Rhett's slave elves meeting him and drinking whiskey in a bar somewhere in the US. Shows another picture of Rhett using the ol' trusty Jedi Mind Trick to force them onto his private 747 Boeing.*

As for the Easter Bunny, let's just say he got his just-desserts!

*Shows a pic of the Easter Bunny rotting away into nothing, bones and all.*

Thus concludes my story of how Rhett got his elves.

Reborn Outcast
05-16-2003, 08:39 PM
Well, you see here's how it really went....

Rhett was walking across the ocean when the wheel fell off his jet ski and he wondered, "How many pancakes does it take to fill up a dog house?" Then it came to him... "PURPLE BECAUSE BANNANAS DON'T HAVE BACKBONES!!!" As this came to him, a giant bicycle swallowed him whole and inside its large intestine he found the elves roasting and eating a book. They had been down there for 5 millenia and so he rescued them by letting all the air out of the bicycle's brain. Once reaching the surface, he called his car, Ralfie, to come and pick them up then left to smoke bongs with Yoda in his Swamp.

This ends my humble tail.

Tail was spelled wrong on purpose. :D