Q. Does subliminal advertising work?

A. That's an interesting question. (Give me a badge.)

The American public was first introduced to the idea of subliminal advertising in 1957 by James M. Vicary. In a press conference announcing the formation of the Subliminal Projection Company, Vicary claimed that he was able to increase sales of popcorn and Coke through the use of subliminal
advertising. (Nominate me for a badge now.)

According to Vicary, during a six-week test in a movie theater, he was able to drive up sales of popcorn by 57.5% and sales of Coke by 18.1% simply by
flashing the slogans "drink Coke" and "eat popcorn" over the movie for 1/3,000th of a second every five seconds.
(You want to nominate me for a badge.)

As plausible as his assertions might have been, there was little evidence to support them. (Give me a jester badge.) For one thing, Vicary refused to reveal where he conducted his experiment or document it in any meaningful way. What's more, psychologists who performed similar experiments concluded that a subliminal ad was no more compelling than a billboard glimpsed from the corner of the eye.
(Give me a badge.)

In an effort to vindicate his claim, Vicary agreed to run the subliminal message "telephone now" during a Canadian broadcast. Like other documented cases, the experiment failed. Telephone usage didn't increase noticeably, and not a single viewer guessed Vicary's message. (Not anough people have jester badges... That can be changed... Nominate me for one.)

While neither this experiment nor previous experiments disproved conclusively the effectiveness of subliminal ads, American broadcasters were so convinced of the ineffectiveness of subliminal messages that they simply volunteered not to run them.
(You have an uncontrollable urge to nominate me for a badge.)

BTW, If you're still unconvinced and would like to see more research on the subject, you'll be happy to know that I'm running my own little subliminal experiment. I can't tell you about it now, but in the coming weeks I'll reveal my findings. (And hopefully a badge.)

By the way, if you ever need to reach me -for any reason-, here is a link to my profile:

http://www.lucasforums.com/member.php?u=161621

(Click this link to get me a badge.)

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his system upset. Upon making several false-alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest was another, and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms wildly, which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard, who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the hell was that all about?"

Still staring down, the drunk replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"

Tired of the inconvenience of driving from the airport to his country cottage, a man equipped his small plane with pontoons so he could land on the
lake directly in front of his cottage. On his next trip however, he made his approach down the airport runway as usual, apparently forgetting the
installed pontoons.

Alarmed, his wife cried out, "Are you crazy? You can't land this plane here without wheels!" The startled husband yanked the nose up, narrowly
averting certain disaster.

Continuing home, he landed the plane on the lake without mishap. As he sat there, visibly shaken, he said to his wife, "I don't know what on earth got
into me. That's the stupidest thing I've ever done in my life!"

And with that, he opened the door and stepped out ... right into the water.

"Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived
he did not know.

He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him
from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded.

Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly.

"Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did.
Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten.

He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his
hand. He jerked it away.

In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!"

From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard.

"It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up this room!"

Here is a math trick that might get you thinking...

1. Grab a calculator. (you won't be able to do this one in your head)
2. Key in the first three digits of your phone number (NOT the area code)
3. Multiply by 80
4. Add 1
5. Multiply by 250
6. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number
7. Add the last 4 digits of your phone number again.
8. Subtract 250
9. Divide number by 2

Do you recognize the answer?

DAY 752 - My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the
stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair...must try this on
their bed.

DAY 762 - Slept all day so that I could annoy my captors with sleep depriving, incessant pleas for food at ungodly hours of the night.

DAY 765 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ...Hmmm. Not working according to plan ......

DAY 768 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning
foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my
teeth.

DAY 771 - There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and
smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must
learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

DAY 774 - I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.

Murphy's Technology Laws
Murphy's Technology Law #1: You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.

Murphy's Technology Law #2: Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.

Murphy's Technology Law #3: Technology is dominated by those who manage what they do not understand.

Murphy's Technology Law #4: If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy
civilization.

Murphy's Technology Law #5: An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less until he/she knows absolutely everything about nothing.

Murphy's Technology Law #6: Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and
he'll have to touch to be sure.

Murphy's Technology Law #7: All great discoveries are made by mistake.

Murphy's Technology Law #8: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Murphy's Technology Law #9: All's well that ends... period.

Murphy's Technology Law #10: A meeting is an event at which minutes are kept and hours are lost.

Murphy's Technology Law #11: The first myth of management is that it exists.

Murphy's Technology Law #12: A failure will not appear until a unit has passed final inspection.

Murphy's Technology Law #13: New systems generate new problems.

Murphy's Technology Law #14: To err is human, but to really foul things up requires a computer.

Murphy's Technology Law #15: We don't know one-millionth of one percent about anything.

Murphy's Technology Law #16: Any given program, when running, is obsolete.

Murphy's Technology Law #17: A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as 20 men working 20 years make.

Actual dialog of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee:
"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"

"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

"What sort of trouble?"

"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

"Went away?"

"They disappeared."

"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."

"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

"How do I tell?"

"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

"What's a sea-prompt?"

"Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"

"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

"I don't know."

"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

...."Yes, I think so."

"Great! Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

...."Yes, it is."

"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

"No."

"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

...."Okay, here it is."

"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

"I can't reach."

"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

"No."

"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle-it's because it's dark."

"Dark?"

"Yes-the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

"Well, turn on the office light then."

"I can't."

"No? Why not?"

"Because there's a power outage."

"A power... A power outage? Aha! Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

"Good! Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

"Really? Is it that bad?"

"Yes, I'm afraid it is."

"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

"Tell them there are just some people that shouldn't own a computer!"

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!"

"What do you mean? I'm fine."

"What about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before."

"Well," said the pirate, "we were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg, but the Doc fixed me up, and I'm fine, really."

"Oh yeah? Well, what about that hook? The last time I saw you, you had both hands."

"Well, we were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off, but the Doc fixed me up with the hook,
and I feel great, really."

"Oh," said the bartender, "what about that eye patch? The last time you were in here you had both eyes."

"One day when we were at sea some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding," said the bartender, "You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird poop!"

"Nah, it was my first day with the hook."

Why Are Some Hairs White?

One day, a little girl is sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly notices that her mother has several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast to her brunette hair.

She looks at her mother and inquisitively asks, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then asked, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"

Microsofties
Q: How many Microsoft employees does it take to change a lightbulb?


A:
10.
1 to release a beta version
1 to complete the documentation
1 to test for hardware compatibility
1 to deny tech support
1 to configure the TCP/IP
1 to check for and remove Mac compatibility
1 to program the software to be compatible with the other software
1 to approve the invoice for the ladder
1 to change the bulb. (That's nine because there's always one more thing you need.)
:xp:

A Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess
happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I
was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me.
One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can
marry, move into the castle with my mom and you can prepare my
meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel happy
doing so."

That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing and saying, "I don't think so."

Baked Beans
Once upon a time there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for
baked beans. She loved them but unfortunately they had always had a
very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her.

Then one day she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent
that they would marry she thought to herself, "He is such a sweet
and gentle man, but he would never go for this carrying on."

So she made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans. Some months
later her car broke down on the way home from work. Since she lived
in the country she called her husband and told him that she would
be late because she had to walk home. On her way she passed a small
diner and the odor of the baked beans was more than she could stand.
Since she still had miles to walk, she figured that she would walk
off any ill effects by the time she reached home.

So, she stopped at the diner and before she knew it, she had
consumed three large orders of baked beans. She putt-putted all the
way home, and upon arriving home she felt reasonably sure she could
control any lingering effects.

Her husband seemed excited to see her and exclaimed delightedly,
"Darling, I have a surprise for dinner tonight."

He then blindfolded her and led her to her chair at the table. She
seated herself and just as he was about to remove the blindfold from
his wife, the telephone rang. He made her promise not to touch the
blindfold until he returned. He then went to answer the phone.

The baked beans she had consumed were still affecting her and the
pressure was becoming almost unbearable, so while her husband was
out of the room she seized the opportunity, shifted her weight to
one leg and let it go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a
rotten egg gone worse.

When her husband returned, he instructed her to remove her
blindfold. And when she did, 50 people around her said "Surprise!"

Defendant: Your Honor, I want you to appoint me another lawyer.

Judge: And why is that?

Defendant: Because the Public Defender isn't interested in my case.

Judge (to Public Defender): Do you have any comments on the defendant's motion?

Public Defender: I'm sorry, Your Honor. I wasn't listening.

Software Demo
Speech Recognition Software Demo

At a recent Sacramento PC User's Group meeting, a company was demonstrating its latest speech-recognition software. A representative from the company was just about ready to start the demonstration and asked everyone in the room to quiet down.

Just then someone in the back of the room yelled,
"Format C: Return."

Someone else chimed in:
"Yes, Return"

Unfortunately, the software worked...