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Zoom Rabbit 05-28-2004 03:38 AM

Martha Stewart XXX videos on E-Bay
 
No. :dozey:

Skinkie: One of your kind has gotten loose in the house, and I need you to talk reason to it.

Today I was reading, and happened to glance up just in time to see a little six-inch lizard walk across the floor. 'Oh great,' I said, 'there's a lizard in the house!' The creature stopped, turned and looked up at me with unhastened deliberation. It fixed me with a curious expression that seemed to say:

'I, sir, am not a common, frenetic lizard. I am a skink, which is an altogether more evolved family of reptiles with roots far back in ancient prehistory. Consider me an augury of good fortune.'

As I tried to capture the strange little lizard, which evaded me unhurriedly, it wisely found its way into the Forgotten Room, where the messy things are. No hope of catching the stowaway today, I said, 'Fine! My two kitties will probably find you next time anyway.'

So. :max: The liz--excuse me, skink is pretty much doomed if it continues living in my house. Plenty of bugs come in because of the black light, so it could in theory find food to eat...but if it comes out to hunt, one of my cats will pounce on it with irony.

What should I tell it?

Dr Edison 007 05-28-2004 06:23 AM

Tell it that if it doesn't leave it has no chance of being your best friend....EVER.

Sivy 05-28-2004 06:45 AM

firstly you need to entice it out with seductive dancing and some easy-listening (e.g something like Moon River, You're the best thing... anything but crowded house's weather with you, he'll think you're taking the piss)
then all you need is a trail of rose petals leading out the front door. give him your bedroom eye's and then slowly make you way towards the door. if he doesn't follow you then let your cats eat him.

toenail1 05-28-2004 08:15 PM

well... if its anything like skinkie it should like popsicles :p

Zoom Rabbit 05-28-2004 08:24 PM

Gravity
 
It occurs to me that I could put my blacklight on the ceiling. The bugs would go there, and so would the lizard...but my cats would be unable to resist the earth's pull enough to pounce on him. Also, I could catch him with a bucket.

My only concern is: can a skink crawl on the ceiling? I think geckoes can, but what about skinks...?

Siv: Perhaps, but that approach didn't help me get Madonna out of my house. They're always too smart for that.

Skinkie 05-28-2004 10:38 PM

Re: Gravity
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit

My only concern is: can a skink crawl on the ceiling? I think geckoes can, but what about skinks...?

Sounds like you need to do some research on these fine creatures. Make sure nothing kills it, I'm pretty sure it would anger me.

SyntheticGerbil 05-29-2004 02:49 AM

Man, **** ****.

Ray Jones 05-29-2004 02:50 AM

are you sure it is a skink? in case it is a newt you may have flushed him already through your toilet and he might return as giant blue newt talking weeeeiiiiiirrd stuff.

edlib 05-29-2004 11:45 AM

Re: Re: Gravity
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Skinkie
research
That's a whole lotta skinks!

Zoom Rabbit 05-29-2004 10:29 PM

Electric blue dancing plasma dolphin
 
Sadly, those are all australian skinks, and my house guest wandered in from the grassy mountain valleys of Oregon. :dozey: Now I'm presented not only with the question, 'Can skinks walk on the ceiling?' but also, 'Can skinks surf across the Pacific ocean?'

My cognac is disappearing, and my stash has been raided. Someone put the nature channel on while I was at work. It seems now that not only is the lizard still alive, but it's corrupted my kitties. This is getting out of control.

Skinkie 05-29-2004 11:14 PM

Re: Electric blue dancing plasma dolphin
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit
Sadly, those are all australian skinks, and my house guest wandered in from the grassy mountain valleys of Oregon. :dozey: Now I'm presented not only with the question, 'Can skinks walk on the ceiling?' but also, 'Can skinks surf across the Pacific ocean?'

Hey I just typed skinks into Yahoo, that's only the begining of the knowledge out there, the rest is up to you.

Zoom Rabbit 05-30-2004 01:52 PM

Cuidado
 
I'll say!

http://www.avila.edu/info/organizati...20on%20ear.JPG

These critters appear to have a dangerous side...

Ray Jones 05-31-2004 05:53 PM

he'll need a large toothpick for that.

Zoom Rabbit 05-31-2004 10:48 PM

Zoo show
 
This one has a blue tongue...

http://www.ciar.org/cobalt/pictures/...7-02-thumb.JPG

This one looks evil! What the hell, a voodoo skink?

http://www.herpafauna.com/pics/skinks/t-gracilis.jpg

And this skink is packing. :dozey: Skinks for victory!

http://www.military.cz/panzer/tanks/...ge/skink_1.jpg

Google knows everything. :max: Except for where that damn lizard is hiding in my house. I tried searching under skink, zoom's house and where the hell?, but the great google has more important things to do than figure out my vermin problems for me.

I'm going to try playing Paul Mc Cartney and the Wings and see if that doesn't flush it out. I have no idea why that would work, but I'll try it anyway.

Skinkie 06-01-2004 12:35 AM

I like the voodoo one, I think he's cute.

Zoom Rabbit 06-01-2004 06:53 PM

Hey look--they're dancing!
 
The voodoo skink thinks you're cute, too, and wonders if you like to eat fat, yummy bugs.

When I asked Google what a 'cute skink' would look like, it showed me this picture of two lizards:

http://home.nyc.rr.com/sausubel/Lsex4_WEB.jpg

What the hell?!? :max:

toenail1 06-01-2004 08:24 PM

Re: Hey look--they're dancing!
 
Quote:

Originally posted by Zoom Rabbit
The voodoo skink thinks you're cute, too, and wonders if you like to eat fat, yummy bugs.


i think that that answer is quite obvious... :eek:

Ray Jones 06-30-2006 09:59 AM

I'm not so sure about that. Man, and I had a weird dream last night. That skink in Zoom's Forgotten room, managed to create offspring by making lizard lurve to his cats.

Zoom appears now to be in serious trouble, having to fight back hundreds of deadly dangerous skats, who already occupied his computer room and also the klingon slave girl lounge! :eek:

Det. Bart Lasiter 07-02-2006 09:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ray G. Jones
I'm not so sure about that. Man, and I had a weird dream last night. That skink in Zoom's Forgotten room, managed to create offspring by making lizard lurve to his cats.

Zoom appears now to be in serious trouble, having to fight back hundreds of deadly dangerous skats, who already occupied his computer room and also the klingon slave girl lounge! :eek:

VIP QUALITY!


Unfortunately, it's like 2 years late.

Ray Jones 07-03-2006 08:10 AM

No, no. You seem not to understand. Zoom's living in a part of our dimension where time is not of importance. Santa must've send that skink, a putative innocent and harmless creature, to infiltrate and entamer my little fluffy friend and to capture his home. Why? Because he *is* the easter bunny, given pure wisdom and the omnipotent power of friendship!! He *must* be in real danger and thus is hiding in his secret room behind the fridge, wrapped up in thin foil, otherwise he would, without doubt, have send Wally the space dolphin with a ciphered message to call for help.

This is his last appearance, it's still unclear if there's already some coded message to be found in it:

Quote:

:assult:

Wally the space dolphin has been caught completely unprepared for a contingency plan B since he was supposed to deal with plans E and S, and vaguely recalls a nervous looking eskimo man at the conference meeting who was supposed to be the plan B guy. Wally says get off his back--he's just a mid-level manager, and is really the most powerless guy in the whole structure with bosses above and below, not one of whom had the merest flicker of insight that he--a space dolphin--who was thoroughly trained and briefed in preparation for two other plans, would be expected to deliver the goods to an auditorium full of stern shareholders who fully intended to hear from him the details of plan freaking B. So:

Plan B: What do you want from me? I'm a space dolphin!

Plan E: Switch Laura Bush with Jane Fonda in the middle of the night and take pictures of the surprised president's face the next morning.

Plan S: Tweak the laws of fluid dynamics so that water will run uphill.

itchythesamurai 07-04-2006 06:11 AM

Man, this thread got my hopes up.

Ray Jones 07-05-2006 07:02 AM

Hope dies last, that's why I decided to enter a thread titled "Martha Stewart XXX videos on E-Bay" in the first place.


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