My new and improved humor site!
Like the stuff commander has been posting? Come to <A HREF="http://members.nbci.com/gmshumor/index.htm">Revelations</A> for more of the same, but of higher quality! If a SITH could move this to the links forum i'd be grateful. Thanks.
You were expecting a creative sig?
Once I saw the topic I knew it was Thrawn....Go check his website it's cool and worth it.
The fun went away along with the pixels
I was asked a few times to post this, so here it goes:
If anyone is offended by sex...quit reading this now.
As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in cybersex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies become fairly raunchy.
This is not the case with the following transcript of an actual on-line cybersex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the greatest sense of humour known to mankind. It begins.........
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini skirt and high heeled boots. I am tan and very buffed. I work out everyday. My measurements are 36-24-36<font color=red>(right prolly more like 36-54-46)</font>. What do you look like?
Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 125 kilos. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweatpants I just bought at Walmart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbeque sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to screw me?
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and I begin to feel your huge swelling bulge.
Wellhung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.
Wellhung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.
Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off of my warm body. I'm rubbing your bulge faster now, rubbing and pulling.
Wellhung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's OK. It wasn't really too expensive.
Wellhung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft breasts are rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder.
Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly. I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. My bra slides off. The cool air caresses my breasts, my nipples are erect for you.
Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby I just want to feel your tongue all over me.
Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your, you know, breasts. They're neat!
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.
Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of my breasts with the remains of my blouse.
Wellhung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the corner of the room.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweatpants down and rubbing your hard tool.
Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take off my panties.
Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out and nibbling on you..ummm, wait a second.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking.
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.
Wellhung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
Wellhung: I found it.
Sweetheart: I'm tugging off your pants. I want you so badly.
Wellhung: Me too.
Sweetheart: I kiss you passionately. Our naked bodies pressed against each other.
Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?
Wellhung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the nightstand.
Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me baby!
Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet and lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle.
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
Wellhung: I just realised I peed in your clothes hamper. Sorry again.
I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.
Wellhung: Now I'm going to put my, you know...thing in your, um, woman's thing.
Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, Baby! Do it!
Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little problem here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth. I can't wait another second.
Slide it in! Screw me!
Wellhung: I'm flaccid.
Wellhung: I'm limp...I can't sustain an erection.
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener all floppy.
I'm looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
Wellhung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
Wellhung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off,
Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire!
Ha Ha, hey Ike, you ever cyber?
[This message has been edited by Zargon (edited November 27, 2000).]
Now we know what you think about all day...
Besides Im not a pervert so I didnt read the whole thing.Good thing too.I didnt want to pick up vomit in the middle of the night.
1) Not that perverted at all.
2) I got this forwarded to me, I didn't make this all up and type it out.
3) Vomit? Off that? If you do that then you are just a big wussy
1.Dont be a pervert like yer friends.You wrote it.
2.I had dinner.
3.Wussy? Your obviosly bad at comebacks...
Zargon we don't wanna hear about your sex life.
-Two wrongs don't make a right but four lefts make a circle.
1)I'm kida drunk and have to sober up to study.......
2) I would never waste that much time to type that crap out, thats what morons are for.
3)wussy=nice word to not totally offend people, like women, or you
4) you are right, you really don't wanna hear about my sex life, I don't have time to tell you and the censors wouldn't like it
ah.....sober and 3/4 done with my studying.......I hate the 24 hour day, lets extend it to 30 hours
I'm convinced solar energy is a Communist conspiracy
Moving thread....on my count..3..2..1..
|All times are GMT -4. The time now is 09:28 PM.|
Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2015, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
LFNetwork, LLC ©2002-2015 - All rights reserved.