[WIP][FIC] Davik Kang : Rise to Power
Davik Kang : Rise to Power
Contents (This is to assist in navigating chapters. Note that by clicking the hyperlink your browser may open a new window)
Chapter I - Ambition, Dreams of Gradeur (New!)
Chapter II - This is Business (Subject to Revision)
Chapter III - The Exchange (Subject to Revision)
Chapter IV - Welcome to the Rackets (Subject to Revision)
Chapter V - The Bird is Quick (Coming Later) :D
The year is 3,986 BBY. A decade has gone to past since the end of the Great Sith War. Peace has settled amongst the galaxy and everything is relatively… quiet. Though the war’s repercussions still bear effect upon the galaxy. A depression has befallen upon the Republic in the aftermath of Exar Kun’s war. The demand on industrial production has dropped, and unemployment has become a serious issue. In particular, heavily populated worlds are taking the blunt of the hit. With unemployment there are not enough taxes to counter the high maintenance costs of running the sprawling urban environments of these planets.
Our story follows a young Davik Kang who seems to be going nowhere in life. A chance to earn extra credits falls upon him, and from there he journeys into the harsh existence of the underworld.
Chapter I – Ambition, Dreams of Grandeur
The mourning alarm went off to release me from an uncomfortable sleep. With my eyes still heavy, I was able to open them to a squint. Lazily, I turned my body around within the bed to shut the alarm off. After a brief moment, I swung my legs over the bed and sat up; blinked several times, and slowly rubbed a hand across both of my eyes; letting off a long sigh of discomfort.
Turning the lights on, I began my typical mourning cooking a simple meal, while listening to the holofeed.
“Fifty-eight revoked in one week alone ladies and gentlemen. The toll continues to rise each day and it only looks to get worse. Unemployment has skyrocketed within the lower levels, yet upper city remains unaffected at the moment. The nobles have the power to help keep our infrastructure healthy, yet very few of them have contributed to our great society. And because of this ignorance our beloved Taris continues to deteriorate… Now with me today is Anesa Tarrk; she’s a diplomat of the Republic and an expert in the field economics. Tell us Ms. Tarrk, what do make of the situation, and what does Taris’ future look like if this continues?”
“Well obviously the Sith War has left many worlds, including Taris, in desperate need of financial aid. Unfortunately the war has left the Republic with it’s own problems and many worlds will need to cope with the situation themselves. I have been appointed to Taris as the financial advisor in this crisis. So I will be assis-”
I abruptly ended the holofeed’s transmission. My breakfast was ready, and I wanted to eat peacefully without pondering about the depression. Seated at the table, I ate in silence. The only sounds you could hear were the hum of swoop bikes, the perpetual strokes and pumps of automated machines, and the bustling city itself.
About half-an-hour went by before I was done eating. I disposed of the dish and utensil into a nearby sink. While running the faucet I folded my hands together to collect some of the running water, and went on to press it against my face. I looked up into a mirror, reflecting a grim looking man, with blue eyes and short black hair. Looking straight back at me with splashes of liquid drops scattered all across his face.
I threw the rest of my garments, code-locked my apartment and walked out the doorway only to be greeted by the disgusting stench of the lower city. It was like dirt down here; trash littered the streets, spice junkies crouched up in the corners, swoop thugs preyed on the weak, a true testament of the depression at its peak.
I walked along the beaten streets, carefully observing my surroundings. And as I continued to walk, several others and I noticed a couple of thugs mugging some poor soul in a nearby alleyway. They beat him repeatedly with shock sticks, causing his body extreme agony while slowly rendering him unconscious. It wasn’t pretty either; they had already busted his head open, and probably broke a few ribs too as he was favoring his abdomen. I only watched for a minute or two, as did others. I then walked away from the crowd that began to gather around the alley. Funny… this was everyday stuff down here in the lower city yet people are still amused by a simple fight or beating.
I entered the local cantina. Dozens of people were hanging around the pazaak room, and many more idled around the bar-ring itself. The only business the depression hasn’t hurt is the cantina. People come here to drink away their problems, watch the dancers, test their luck at gambling, the works. I was fortunate enough to work as a bartender here, and grateful enough to have today off.
I took a seat at bar-ring. When a familiar voice came from behind me.
“Davik! You’re here rather early I should say.”
“Rance, how’s it going?”
Rance Senesca. A friend since childhood; normally came here for the dancers. He took a seat right beside mines. Michael, a fellow bartender approached us.
“Davik, Rance, what I can get for ya? The usual?”
“You betcha” Rance replied, with a slight smile of amusement. I nodded my head in agreement.
“So Davik, what are ya up to?”
“Nothing. Figure I stop by the cantina, buy a few drinks, place a few bets on the swoop race, play a few rounds of pazaak. You know…”
“Gambling eh? A poor investment Davik, especially during these times.”
“I’m not the one wasting credits on Twi’lek dancers.”
“Hey you’re looking at it the wrong way. I’m helping them out ya see. They got a job too ya know, and they still need… investors to help them out.”
Amused, I raised my eyebrows at him.
“Drink up fellas.” Michael handed us our drinks. I had the Tarsian Ale; Rance had the Juma Juice.
“So Davik, you interested making some… extra credits?”
I took a sip of my beverage.
“Maybe? Davik I’m talking five hundred credits each. For the both of us.”
I took a sharp look at Rance, full well knowing this wasn’t any normal job.
“Five hundred credits. Alright what’s the job?”
I expected him to go on and brief me. However he simply continued on drinking his glass of Juma Juice, leaving me momentarily perplexed.
Rance nodded slowly. He always had a perspective of seeing things to be ‘simple’. I went on to speak again.
“Sounds like there’s more to it.”
“Maybe, but five hundred credits is good enough for me to walk around in the undercity. But a delivery, pfft! this is taking candy from a baby.”
“Who hired you?”
“I don’t know exactly. I meet this guy who looked real rich… high class so to say. He was here at the cantina last week, around this time, and approached me, offering to pay me a thousand credits to deliver a package to an associate of his. Why he chose me, probably because I am one of the biggest guys around. Whatever the job is I think… I think it’s going to require some muscle if ya know what I mean.”
“So wait a minute, why ask me to help you? Sounds like you could have a thousand credits for yourself.”
“Why else Davik?”
He took another gulp of his drink, waiting for me to come up with an answer. I shrugged.
“Come on now, you’re one of my most trusted friends. You’re an ally Davik, whether ya like it or not.”
I chuckled a bit at his statement.
“Do I have a choice in the matter?”
“Of course you do, but there’s more to it. See… I’m not a good talker. If I were I’d be persuading ladies, not paying them. I need someone with, well… diplomatic skills. You’re smarter than me Davik, I need you to do the talking.”
“So you want me to do all the deals and all that good stuff.”
Rance nodded, taking a sip of Juma Juice.
“Fair enough. Though I’m convinced that this whole thing is begging for trouble. Where will we be going do you know?”
“Nope. The man said he’d contact me tomorrow. He then gave me a small hologram projector along with the package.”
“I see. Do you know what’s in the package?”
“He told me not to open it, besides it’s code-locked.”
“So whatever it is, it’s probably important. What happens if we lose it?”
Rance started began to laugh subtly.
“Then we’re screwed!”
He was chuckling hard now. It was obvious the Juma Juice had gotten to him. I just shook my head.
“So, are ya in Davik?”
I thought about it for a moment, while taking a long sip of the Tarsian Ale.
“As tempting as your offer is I’ll have to think about it Rance.”
Rance nodded his head.
“Go home and think about it Davik. You know I’m almost always around the cantina all day. And if you decide ya want in, drop by my apartment early tomorrow.”
“Sounds like a good deal.”
By now I had finished my drink, and with this opportunity Rance had provided me with, I simply had to go home and think about it. Five hundred credits for a ‘delivery’ sounded a little too auspicious, and I wasn’t willing to walk into some setup or anything that would get me killed. So I walked out of the cantina like Rance suggested I do, and traveled on home where I could peacefully think in solitude.
i think its a great start, but T. Nova, you've made a mistake in the year. KotOR takes place at 4000 BBY which is like the BC system. one year before 4000 BBY would be 4001 BBY, not 3999 BBY. so i'll assume that your fic is supposed to take place before KotOR because after KotOR, Davik's not alive. i noticed that you made a 14 year margin before KotOR, so the year would be 4014 BBY :)
just an FYI :) good job with the fic!
Hey thanks for the feedback :)... but I have to disagree with ya in the year. 4,000 BBY is just an estimate of the timeframe KotOR takes place in, if you look through the chronicles here at TSL's official site (http://www.lucasarts.com/games/swkot...indexDark.html) you'll notice K1 doesn't begin until 3,956 BBY (Part XI). :D
are you sure? then ignore my ramblings and on with the story :D
Is this before the gang war in the lower city then, because if it's during then walking in the lower city would not be safe yet it says he tries to take the safe streets. Also great story! It's very interesting, but on another note this man's personality does not fit that of Davik Kang. Also is that the whole story or is there more?
Its before the swoop gang wars. I know, it doesn't seem like the character we know KotOR, but what I'm trying to do is "develop" his character into what we see. I picture him in his 50s by K1, so I wanted to start him off around his early 20s here. I was inspired by what Kebla Yurt (I think) says about Davik Kang starting with nothing and taking everything. I sort of wanted to relate him to Michael Carleone in the Godfather, soon he'll be a cunning, powerful mob boss.
I'll try and get the second chapter done by the end of today, its a rainy day outside here so theres nothing better to do.
Ok, that's great. And if you have time could you read my fan fic? It's titled The life of Onri Konohomaru/Lord Konohomaru. If you can read it I'll be very greatful. Thank You.
Ah... another entry into my story. Enjoy all :D
Chapter II - This is Business
Like any other mourning I awoke, but this day I felt excited, and anxious. I decided to meet up with Rance, take up on the offer he presented me with yesterday. Pacing back and forth within my apartment, I stopped for moment, and let the excitement guide my movements for a second by taking up a fighting position… left jab right hook… shuffled my feet side to side in a boxer’s stance… threw off two left jabs at the air, then a right uppercut.
Then I stopped for my breakfast had finished heating up. This could be the last time I ever have to eat this bantha fodder. By tomorrow I could be devouring some well cooked waffles with a side of bacon… or maybe taste the sweetness of fruits for once in my life… or a delicious meal of steak with a splash of tarisian ale. I finshed eating the distasteful grub rather quickly, and set the dish into the sink. I started toward the door, threw on my brown coat and left the apartment once more. Though for once in my life, I wasn’t headed to the cantina, but maybe something more important.
I was walking rather fast, but this was because I was in a hurry to get where I was going. I was anxious, but I walked just fast enough as not to attract any unwanted attention by prowlers who may be lurking around in the streets. Finally I reached the apartment complex elevator that Rance mentioned yesterday. I paused in front of the door… took a deep breath and sighed as if I was bracing for something. I quickly pulled my right hand from the pocket and pressed the elevator activation key. The door opened, I stepped inside, turned around and dabbed with the interior keys to bring me at level three.
Once on the level I walked around the complex ring until I found apartment 302. There was no sound device attached to the door so I simply knocked. After a few seconds the door opened with Rance sitting down in his couch smirking at me. “Thought you would eventually stop by”. I nodded a bit… took a few steps inside and inquired…
“So, what’s the plan?”
“Straight to the point eh? Well we have to deliver this package and its contents to someone” Rance pulled out a black case from under the couch, then he went on to imply…
“Don’t ask for too many details, I was told to keep the package safe and to deliver it when the time came. The guy who hired me said he’d contact me on the hologram display this afternoon.”
There was a hologram device sitting on the table in front of him He went on to speak again…
“Hopefully he gets around to us sooner than later”
I nodded, realizing I might be in for a bit of a wait. I took a seat in a chair that was perpendicular to Rance’s. We sat in silence, waiting patiently for the call. I noticed Rance was fiddling with his fingers, whether he was nervous or anxious was quite difficult to tell though. I personally sat back slumping in the chair, hands interlocked over my waist with dull expression on my face that told nothing. I don’t know why, but I wasn’t that excited anymore. The flutter of anticipation and anxiousness in my stomach was now just a cold spot. I feel into a trance of thought… this is it… once that call comes through there’s no turning back… Where my life goes from here, who knows… I can only hope to achieve some kind of importance.
Finally the device displayed a hologram of a human. Dressed in a robe, decorated with jewelry and other expensive looking items. It was obvious that he must be in the upper city since I’ve only seen nobles wear those types of clothes. Rance and me leaned over the table to listen for what he was about to say. He spoke in a diplomatic, classy tone that made him appear as if he was a wealthy, powerful senator.
“You… take the package to the upper city cantina. There will be someone waiting for you there. You will recognize them, they will recognize you.”
After he stated his assignment for us he disconnected. It was short and sweet, right down to the point. Rance took up the black case, stood up and headed towards the door. I also stood up, and began following. Rance paused at the door and took a sharp 360. He was holding a blaster pistol in his left hand.
“Hey… you might be need this”
He then tossed the pistol at me, after catching it I took a look at it Rance then went on to say.
“Hope ya know how to use it”
I replied while stashing the blaster under my belt.
“What ya kidding me? Point and shoot”
Rance made a slight grin.
Once out on the lower city streets we were headed toward the closest elevator. An elevator that would take us up into the upper city where are destination was. The elevator required a small toll however to ride up, but not down… it was sad really. Though the five credits wasn’t anything big, especially seeing as how we could be making a hundred or so by the end of the day. It was a quite, but quick ride up. The elevator door opened to reveal the sheer beauty and wealth or the upper city. I had only seen it once as a child, when my mother needed to shop for extra parts to place on our family droid. That was probably 15 or more years ago however, things have changed. The only problem at this point was finding where the upper city cantina was as Rance stated…
“So now… where the hell is the cantina?”
I looked around trying to find anything that would point us in its direction. Then as a pedestrian began to walk by my I caught his attention and asked.
“Excuse me sir, me and my friend here are looking for the cantina. Do you know where we could find it?”
He glanced at Rance then looked back at me “Yea, head down this way, take a left and follow the platform until it ends. Take a right and head through the tunnel, take another right and follow the platform’s length. Then take a left towards the end, passed the empty lot and the cantina should be in front of you mate”.
I nodded and replied “Thanks”.
We followed the directions given to us. We wanted to be quick about this as to not draw unwanted attention from any nobles. This was because our appearance was out of place up here; compared to everyone else we looked like thugs. Fortunate enough we got through the upper city streets without much conflict, and reached the cantina soundly. We cautiously entered inside bracing ourselves for any surprises. Though luckily there were none. It was not much different than Javyar’s Cantina to be honest. Several pazaak tables were the first things you saw, full of players and cards and the like. There was a band, though unlike Javyar’s they were playing a classy jazz style of music instead of the techno beats I’m used to hearing. It was refreshing however, and I rather enjoyed it. We maneuvered through the pazaak room towards the center complex up ahead. We then took a seat against the wall where the tables were, where Rance then placed the package on the table
“Well… we’re suppose to find them right?” Rance questioned.
“Or they’re suppose to find us” I replied.
It was slightly frustrating to have come all the way up here and find nothing, so I let off a sigh of disappointment. I then took a look at the encased package and asked.
“What’s in there?”
Rance glanced at me and shrugged. “Who knows… though it’s none of our business, we’re just here to deliver”.
I nodded to myself, best to not satisfy my curiosity. Moments later however, a figure began approaching us dressed in casual clothing; well at least in upper city standards. He was a male, probably of nobility. When he stopped at our table, the man seemed to recognize the package. I asked…
“Who are you?”
He too spoke in a rich, classy manner
“I am Torivena the 4th, and I believe that package is for me”
Rance began then stated
“We were told to deliver the package to someone, are you the one we’re looking for?”
“So I was told, I expect that you’ll simply be handing that over now?”
I then spoke in a neutral, but slightly demanding tone of voice.
“Yes, and I expect that you will pay us most handsomely for our services”
“Yes… yes of course you’ll be rewarded. The package is very important to me and I praise you for taking great care in it. However I must ask, you didn’t open it did you?”
“No.” Rance replied.
Torivena paused for a moment and then continued. “I see. Regardless, I must return to my estate to gather the items that I’ll be giving you, come with me.”
Rance and I glanced at each other. “Sure” I said…
“Good, very good. Follow me please.”
He led Rance and I out of the cantina. Once outside however we were greeted with about five thugs armed with blaster carbines. Rance and I immediately drew our blaster pistols and began targeting the first thug in our line of sight. Torivena; smack in the middle, dropped to the ground attempting to avoid being shot. The thugs were about ten meters away, and they were all in a horizontal line. I took on the one to my far left, and achieved first blood by taking him out with a clean headshot. The thug right of him however was already firing burst shots at me, I immediately dropped to the ground in a prone position, barely managing to duck below the rapid fury of lethal red energy passing overhead. Once I was down I immediately shot back at that one, I took three shots and two of them hit him in the leg, one to his right thigh, the other left shin; he then dropped in shouting in agony. I moved on to the last remaining thug to the far right, and gave him a round or two in the torso. Apparently Rance had gotten the other two… then I noticed Rance was down.
I went over to Rance, he had taken a blaster shot to his torso.
“Damn it!” He exclaimed…
It was obvious that he was in apparent agony. I proceeded to check how serious his wound was. It looked as if it had grazed his side, though there’s no exact way for sure to tell if he may be internally bleeding.
“You’ll be alright” I told him calmly while tearing a piece of my coat off.
“Sit up for a moment” Rance used his arms to bring his body up, grimacing his face while do so. I proceeded to wrap the piece of my coat around his torso, and applied enough pressure as to not effect his breathing too much.
“Your good to go for the moment” I told him.
Torivena was up and about, making sure no authorities are headed our way. “Come quickly now, we should head to my speeder. From there we’ll continue onto my estate. We don’t want to be around for the authorities to question”.
I looked at Rance “You can run right?”
Rance replied smirking “Yea… If I need to.” He got up struggling, fighting through the agonizing pain. Barely able to run, Rance limped as fast as he could through the streets. Most of the pedestrians around simply moved out of our way when they noticed we were armed. We finally reached Torivena’s luxury speeder, and jumped on in. From there we sped off into the city, vanishing under the luscious glow of the star.
Nice new chapter, I hope you'll check out my new chapter.
Not the most exciting chapter, but it does dive into the personalities of Rance & Torivena a bit more. It also holds a note or two that will be important in later chapters. Enjoy :D
Chapter III – The Exchange
Dusk slowly shifted to night as the speeder cruised along Taris’ bustling skyscrapers. Torivena was taking us to his estate, though its location remained a mystery me. It didn’t matter; the shootout back at the cantina was still was fresh in my mind. I kept replaying the battle over and over in my head. Prior to that I had never even held a blaster let alone shoot someone. Though I could not help but think who those mercenaries were, and what they wanted. I had a feeling that Torivena would know, but I felt it was best to wait before I started asking questions. Torivena was doing the driving while Rance was seated in the rear. Rance was still favoring his wound a bit, occasionally adjusting his position every few minutes or so trying get a bit more comfortable. The package was lying safely next to him, which was a reminder that there was still business to take care of.
“Ah, no place like home…” Torivena stated in a refreshing way. I turned my head towards his direction on the driver’s side. Torivena was looking out over the beach below. A mansion, a beautiful one at that rested along the beach, as Torivena descended the speeder, you could see the estate slowly begin to eclipse the star’s beautiful lush rays of light. Once on the surface, Torivena maneuvered the speeder inside a garage door built along the side of the estate.
“Welcome to my estate gentlemen. Here you will be treated as my personal guests, so feel free to make yourselves comfortable.” Torivena humbly stated while gracefully stepping out of the speeder.
“I assume we won’t be leaving anytime soon?” Rance asked respectfully.
“You can leave at your own leisure, though if you choose so I doubt you’ll find your way home from here.”
“heh… I was joking.” Rance said quite humorously.
“By the way, I never had the pleasure of asking you two honorable men your names.”
Rance was exiting the vehicle, with his hand still grasping the wound, though it didn’t stop him from replying in the process.
I was laid back in the passenger seat, still going over some things in my mind. Torivena looked at me for a moment, then I glanced back and replied “Davik… Davik Kang”.
“Excellent. Rance theres a medical room right down the hall; have the droids attend to that wound of yours there. Davik, if you will; follow me please.”
I exited the vehicle and followed Torivena as I wished me to. The garage was rather large, encompassed by vast gray walls. Though through the door, the hall was decorated with elegant, indigo wallpaper that radiated a powerful feeling to it all. Torivena was about five meters ahead of me, and Rance grabbed my attention before I continued any further than a mere few steps.
“Hey Davik, you might want to take this with you.” Rance handed me the package. “Hopefully these droids don’t come up with anything serious. I don’t want to spend my pleasure hours laying in a bed,” He said so with a smirk.
I let off a short chuckle. “I’ll check with ya later on.” I told him.
Torivena was about 15 meters ahead, and I had to pace myself slightly faster than normal to catch up. Torivena stopped half way down to hall, turning to his left while pulling a small card from his pocket. It gave me enough time to come within several meters of him. He opened the door utilizing the keycard, and proceeded through it. We came into a rather small room with an oval shaped table, accompanied with a dozen chairs.
“Take a seat wherever you wish” Torivena said. “I will take but a moment to return”.
I nodded and sat down in the chair closest to me, which was around the edge of the table. Torivena went through another door on the other side of the room, and continued wherever he needed to go. I placed the package on top of the table, and slumped comfortably into my chair. Sitting there, thoughts of my life came about again. For some reason however, I felt good about being where I was. In the course of a single day, I ventured to the upper city, shot and killed several mercenaries, rode in a luxury speeder across Taris and now I find myself sitting here at Torivena’s estate. What a day I thought to myself. This could very well be a new beginning… I wondered if my mother would be proud.
Moments later Rance walked in. He was no longer clutching his side anymore, so I assumed the medical droids treated him just about right. “Hey” Rance said. He then went on to take a seat opposite from me, on the other side of the table.
“Looking sharp,” I commented.
“Yea, turns out it wasn’t much of anything. Once the medic droids applied a bit of kolto to it, I felt whole again.”
I nodded slowly, assuring him that I was listening. After several minutes of silence, Torivena walked in. “Gentlemen. Now that we have assembled here, let us discuss business shall we.” He continued while taking a seat at the other end of the table.
“As you can tell, I am in fact born of nobility. I’ve been here ever since I was born. The Torivena family is a powerful one at that, though we prefer to keep quite amongst society. My family partakes in a variety of activities such as politics, business, military and even, crime. I am apart of an immensely powerful syndicate we have come to deem, the Exchange. And I am here to offer you two a position with us, to work under me.”
Rance and I see didn’t reply for several seconds. When finally I decided to say something.
Torivena smirked as if he anticipated that question, and answered.
“It has become increasingly difficult to find decent services as of late. Many of the former individuals who worked for me began demanding higher payments in the wake of the depression. Eventually most went on to work for my competitors who had much more appealing offers. What they didn’t know until it was too late was each of my competitors would collapse under their own expenses. Allowing for the authorities to shut them down with relative ease.”
“So we’re just some of the replacements you’re bringing in?” Rance asked.
“If you see it that way. Though I admit I have learned something from that incident, that quality is better than quantity. So far you’re the only two I have requested since then. However I’m still quite curious on your decision.”
I sat there, thought about for a few seconds.
“Sure, why not?”
Rance glanced at me for a second, and then looked back at Torivena. Torivena began laughing humorously at my reply, and commented
“Why not!” he continued to laugh, “Davik, I’m already beginning to like you my friend!” He then proceeded to stand up and walk towards me. His laughter began to fade off as he placed his hand on my shoulder and spoke once more
“You shall remain in my mighty company for the time being. I have several guest rooms within my estate. A protocol droid will be sent to guide you to your respective rooms”. He then looked at Rance. “You will stay too, will you not?” Rance replied humorously
“Well the way I see it sir, Davik won’t get far without me watching his back” Rance complemented his statement with a wink. Torivena’s laughter elevated once again “Then its settled!”
I inquired shortly after. “What about this package?”
Torivena responded “Its intelligence on the Republic’s military base here. Its well… valuable for our future efforts.” He nodded, and then took the package and started out of the room “The droid will arrive shortly” he reminded us while leaving the room.
Rance looked at me with a smirk on his face. “Well?” he asked.
“Rance, I think things are gonna be quite different from now on. And by the way its probably going to me watching your back not the other way around” I replied with a slight smile. Rance chuckled for a second as a protocol droid entered the room. I thought to myself, finally I must be on the road to achieving self-significance. For now, I was ready to get some rest for today.
Excellent story so far T.Nova.
Nice chapter, I see you've already seen some of my new work on Clone Trooper Jedi. I must point out though that while I'm trying to keep it positive, kolto was only available to the militaries, and while the exchange may have been capable of getting it on its current level during KotOR 1, but not during the depression with its fortune slowly collapsing. But for everything else, you did a pretty good job. I'm expecting the next chapter to be great as always :)
Thanks for the comments guys. :D
@ Konohomaru. Are you certain about the kolto thing? I found little info about its marketing beyond the fact that it originates on Manaan. I would be under the impression that kolto would be available to the general public. I do recall a Republic soldier saying something about medpacs being comprised of kolto. And most merchants and retailers sell medpacs, civilian and otherwise.
In KotOR, if you go into one of the buildings and talk to one of the skelith and ask someting like, where can I get a licence to harvest kolto, and he replies only military officer can obtain this licence or something like that.
Alrighty then. I guess we'll assume that the Exchange has somehow smuggled kolto from the Republic. Other than that though I would like to ask for a bit more contructive criticism in terms of my writing techniques.
Are the chapters too long?
Are the descriptions alright?
Does it make sense?
Hows grammar and spelling?
Anything to help me write my future chapters better. I'm currently working on Chapter IV, and maybe I'll have it ready before I hit the sack. If not it'll probably be done by Saturday since tommorow is going to be a busy day for me.
I the order listed:
To and extent but it is only the first couple chapters so it will make complete sense eventually.
Alright, a few airrers (done on perpose B) ) here and there but it isn't bad.
Thanks Konohomaru. Taking that into account, I might try to get around to editing chapter 1 & 2 next week or so to make it easier to understand. (Hence the Work in Progress abbreviation in the title)
Overall I'll try and shorten some things up here and there, as well as clear up the details. I admit I feel that I exaggerated Davik's character a bit, and probably tried too hard at portraying his personal thoughts and such. Sort of drags the chapters a bit.
Alright heres the fourth entry. I divided it into three scenes seperated by the pattern of stars (*). This chapter's bulk is comprised of mostly dialogue, so its not exactly as long as it appears. This chapter though, primarily introduces two new characters to the story. Hope you enjoy :)
Chapter IV – Welcome to the Rackets
A thumping noise was coming from the door. “Mr. Kang… Mr. Kang”. The thumping continued. I was sleeping rather comfortably in my bed. I slowly rolled over onto my back and replied “Yea!”
“Torivena requests your presence in the meeting room. He has an assignment for you and your friend”
I was hoping he would tell me that breakfast was ready or something. I started to sit up slowly, trying to shake off the laziness of a good sleep.
“I’ll be there shortly”
The man left after that. I stood up and threw on a black T-shirt lying on a counter across the room. Then I began my way towards the door, opened it and headed down the corridor. Wonder what this could be…
I followed the path the protocol droid led us through yesterday until I reached the small room with the oval table. Once I opened the door and walked in, Torivena, Rance and two other persons were sitting at the table with their attention focused on me. One was a female human like us; the other was a red Twi’lek. They were all fully dressed.
“I overslept?” I inquired.
“Its not a problem” Torivena said.
I took a seat around the middle of the table. The Twi’lek was seated behind me towards the end of the oval. Rance was across from me on the other side while the woman was behind him. Torivena sat at the head of the table.
“Let us introduce ourselves first shall we. Davik and Rance, that is Ahita” he extended his arm towards the woman’s direction. “And over there is Pramman” extending his left arm at the Twi’lek. We greeted each other with short nods.
Toivena then went on to mention. “Ahita here is from the noble Othar family here on Taris, while Pramman has been with this organization since the end of the Great Sith War”
Rance and I nodded a bit, taking note of the little information given to us.
“Onto the task. You’re to escort Ahita to her family’s estate. Once you have done so you will visit several areas to collect credits from certain people. Pramman here has the experience, he will supply you with the right equipment and lead you to the locations. You are to accompany him in doing so.”
“For the last time Titus, I do not need an escort. I can get safely myself mind you” Ahita stated. She was obviously quite irritated.
“My dear lady, your safety is of utmost importance. Why just yesterday several mercenaries tried to kill me. If it wasn’t for these two gentlemen I would be floating in a bacta tank, or worse… deceased.” Torivena responded.
Rance, Pramman and I remained silent, as they continued to argue.
“For all we know, they were after something else. They were probably going for the...”
“Do not question my action do not challenge my decisions. Your father would agree with me. I will not let Eranus’ daughter’s death be my responsibility. Don’t debate with me any further”
After that Ahita simply obeyed and ceased to take it any further. Though she did demonstrate a slight bit of disapproval by folding her arms and showing a lack of attention by facing the wall.
“Excuse Ahita’s rash attitude, she doesn’t know what’s best for her. Now, take the speeder and bring Ms. Othar to her establishment. Afterwards Pramman should know where to find my… investors, and take you to them”. Torivena then left the room.
“Alright mates, lets gear up and be on our way shall we” Pramman stated.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
We were cruising along in a luxurious, black four-person speeder with an open top. It was still mourning, but I could tell we were for a long day. Rance and I were seated in the rear; Ahita in the passenger seat while Pramman was doing the driving. For most of the ride, we didn’t speak much with each other. Rance and I were not used to traveling through the upper city’s urban landscape, so we constantly were looking around impressed with the sheer size and beauty of it all.
“So… you two are working for Torivena now?” Ahita asked, drawing our attention.
“You could say that” I replied.
“What do you think of him?” She inquired another question moments after.
I thought it about it for a second, and answered
“He’s alright I suppose. Got to give it him credit, he’s got everything a man can want. Money, power, the works.” Then Rance made a response shortly after.
“Yea, what he said.”
“I personally wish Torivena would stop treating me like a child. He should know I could take of myself. It’s always like this; even my father treats me this way.”
I didn’t feel the need to reply to her statement. And Pramman’s attention was completely focused on driving. Though after a second or two Rance said something.
“It’s probably because… they care for you.”
“Maybe, but if they cared enough they’d see I don’t want a hit squad everywhere I go”
Rance couldn’t find anything to say to that. It then remained silent in the speeder for the rest of the trip. Ahita’s estate was built on an upper city platform. The front of the estate was decorated and designed with rich trees, gardens and other vegetation. Pramman simply parked the speeder onto the courtyard platform.
“He we are Miss Othar” Pramman said. She hopped out with little regard that she could have simply opened the door.
“Perhaps we might be working together in the future.” she said. We nodded at her, and then she proceeded to the front door.
“Alright ya blokes, now that the princess has been delivered we can continue onto business. We’ll be collecting credits from various individuals and establishments all around Taris”
“Sounds like a good deal” Rance stated. I nodded my head in agreement.
***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Pramman then took the speeder across the sector, and parked into a garage. He then led us through several structures and platforms until we reached a small merchant retail shop. When we opened the door, a man was sitting behind a counter integrated into the back wall. However when he noticed us, or at least Pramman, he looked quite surprised.
“Oh no!” he exclaimed nervously.
“Utapu, you better have those credits” Pramman went on, he then started towards the counter. Rance and I followed closely behind him.
“Wait a minute, I can explain!”
“You think Torivena’s services can be used freely? You’re already late on paying your dues!”
“Please… the depression has been hurting business… It’s been difficult to generate solid profits as of late”
Pramman reached the counter, with an expression designed to intimidate Utapu.
“All I have is six hundred credits… please for the Force’s sake lend me one more extension. I can give a down payment but that’s all for now. Just don’t kill me…”
A brief moment of silence dragged on, Pramman was apparently considering Utapu's fate.
“I won’t kill ya.” Pramman answered.
“Oh thank you! Thank you!” Utapu was indeed thankful. But his relief was short lived.
“Rance… take care of him”
“NOOOOOOOOOO!” Utapu howled before being injected several times by Rance’s blaster.
Several seconds went by while I thought to myself. Was that really a smart thing to do? I went on to inquire Pramman.
“Why did you that? If you allowed him an extension he could have paid his dues.”
Pramman gave me an eerie look.
“You sympathizing for him mate?”
“No Pramman. Though if you kill off the investors, Torivena is only going to end up losing credits, not gain them.”
Pramman nodded, acknowledging my reason. However he countered it with his own reason.
“Maybe. But we can’t earn a reputation for handing out slack to those who can’t pay up. I had personally given Utapu an extension several months before now, he was late as it is.”
I decided not to take the argument any further. Apparently Torivena trusted Pramman for a reason, so it was best to not question his decisions.
“Search the place for anything useful. We’ll be making a few more stops after this, though I don’t suspect we’ll be killing off anymore.. investors.” Pramman then looked at me and proceeded to imply clearly.
“We had to do it mate, we had to make an example of him. Many will know that the Exchange killed him, it’ll let people know not to play around with us.”
I nodded, letting him know I understood.
“Hey I found some a box back here!” Rance shouted out to inform us. He was shuffling through backroom behind the counter.
“There are six hundred credits, and some various items… I don’t know what they are exactly but they look pretty high-tech”
“Likely blaster and armor components. Utapu was a weapons merchant. Take the box, we’ll leave the body for the authorities to find.”
After that, we continued to collect credits from people around the city. We didn’t need make an example of anyone else. In fact most paid up without much of a problem. So the day went on rather smoothly. Though it was all rather mundane, I figured if we kept doing some small time jobs we’ll eventually have the opportunity to partake in something bigger.
Nice chapter. I have to find time to read yours, Jae's, and write my own at the same time though :) It's pretty hard.
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