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Kroms 04-24-2008 03:22 PM

A comic I've written - criticism appreciated!
 
I wrote this comic last night. Well I try drawing them too but I'm not very good at it yet. If anyone wants to draw these, go ahead, but credit me for writing =P

Anyways, I don't know if anyone's read of Jack Thompson's latest social suicide, in which he told a mother she should be ashamed of herself because her son is the CEO of Take-Two, aka the publishers of GTA IV.

So I wrote this comic last night. I learned a lot from it, too.

I'll draw it if anyone likes it, even if I still need to practice; I'll also post more if they're popular. Criticise the hecks out of the writing though.

Tell me if it's hard to read this.

[1] Jack Thompson's Crusade

First panel:

Narration:
Nobody liked me when I was a child.

Boy, angry:
Jack, just stop eating your boogers and we'll let you play with us.

Jack (young):
But they're so creamy!

Narration:
I never understood why.

Second panel:
Narration:
I make-up for it these days.

[There is a fat bum, and Jack Thompson in a dress and a lot of make-up. He sports enormous breasts, with most of the cleavage exposed.]

Jack (prostitute):
I'm cheap, baby. Just give me 15 minutes of your attention and I'll do everything you want.

Bum:
And you say you learned it all from Nintendo?

Third panel:
Narration:
And now, I'm finally here.

In Paris.

[Jack Thompson in a straitjacket, smiling; he is in the mental ward]

Jack:
Paris is AMAZING!

Narration:
My life is complete.

Blah =P I guess it isn't any good then.

The Tingler 04-24-2008 05:25 PM

First of all, it's not a comic until you actually draw something for it! This is a script, and scripts only ever contain half the humour value.

Considering the massive comic potential of Thompson, your comic/script doesn't really seem to draw on anything he does. I like the three stages of his life idea (unliked kid, present, future) but none of the words or scenarios seem much like him.

Suggestion: tie them together, or to that story (which is what Penny Arcade would do, say). Example:

Kid Jack - have him tell one of the other kid's mothers that their son is swearing and so is going to Hell, and her with him.
Present Jack - writing letters. "Dear Mrs. Zelnick, your son persuades kids to murder people..." "Dear Mrs. Levine, your son advocates child murder..." "Dear Mrs. Miyamoto, your son says that murdering turtles is a good thing..."
Future Jack - On a gallows or in a guillotine, surrounded by older women holding placards that read 'Mothers 4 Justice'. "All I said was that your sons are murderers and you're going to Hell!"

Kroms 04-24-2008 05:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Tingler
First of all, it's not a comic until you actually draw something for it! This is a script, and scripts only ever contain half the humour value.

Considering the massive comic potential of Thompson, your comic/script doesn't really seem to draw on anything he does. I like the three stages of his life idea (unliked kid, present, future) but none of the words or scenarios seem much like him.

Suggestion: tie them together, or to that story (which is what Penny Arcade would do, say). Example:

Kid Jack - have him tell one of the other kid's mothers that their son is swearing and so is going to Hell, and her with him.
Present Jack - writing letters. "Dear Mrs. Zelnick, your son persuades kids to murder people..." "Dear Mrs. Levine, your son advocates child murder..." "Dear Mrs. Miyamoto, your son says that murdering turtles is a good thing..."
Future Jack - On a gallows or in a guillotine, surrounded by older women holding placards that read 'Mothers 4 Justice'. "All I said was that your sons are murderers and you're going to Hell!"

Man you're a genius. Thank you :P

I tried doing some ideas, but none of them really kicked off for me. I tried to imply what I thought of him: a mentally unstable loser who tries to make-up for lost time, ego being an attention whore. But I like your idea a lot. I'll try combining both of them.

:D

I just noticed I wrote Blah it isn't very good then here btw. Lol sorry wrong thread.


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