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TheExile 07-10-2008 06:19 AM

Triumvirate Wars
*Note: This is my first fic... Please feel free to post bad or good critiques, I won't be upset, after all, that's the way someone learns... Hope nobody will be upset if I integrated both Brianna ( Handmaiden) and Mical ( Disciple) in the story...
This is a small introduction chapter... Hope you enjoy it...
Well... Here goes nothing:*

Star Wars:
Knights of the old republic:
The Triumvirates wars

Chapter One:
After the end, a new start arrives

A dead place... a world of nothing, a world of death... An empty place filled with holes, which suck everything. A world that collapses one more time over itself...
A world that echoed, echoes still, but will echo no more… A world that traps one more time, a world that traps for the last time all that orbits it… except a small ship, a freighter that dodges all the powerless rocks that face their destruction. Once it leaves behind the shrinking belt of stone and metal, the battered machine leaves in hyperspace...
It appears again somewhere near the remnants of the recent battle… It carefully approaches the Citadel Station Docks. The people recognize immediately the ship that slowly flies over the sky, but when they want to hail their approaching hero, they stop stunned by the condition of the ship…
The ship docks. The door opens, and while it opens, the people gathered there prepare one more time to hail their heroes. But they stop once again… Only 7 of the 12 people that were original aboard are now exiting the ship. But only 4 of those who exit are in the condition to walk…
Bao-Dur is carried by Mandalore, Brianna is pulling Atton out of the ship and Visas and Mira carry Mical…
A metal ball rolls out of the ship… “Statement: I am very glad that I could dispose the fat one”
“I am al… also happy we got rid of that witch” says a merely conscious Atton…
“Why isn’t she coming with the droids out?”
But no answer is given, the engines of the Ebon Hawk start running, and the ship leaves in hyperspace the known territories…
But where is the ship going?
The Ebon Hawk is ready to exit the hyperspace, the destination is close…
Closer… The Hawk exits the hyperspace, but…
“Lirissian wake up! The Spiths are attacking!
“Huh!!! You woke me up?! And what reasons for?" says a sleepy 16 year old boy.
When he realizes what’s going on 5 seconds later… “What?! Again?”

Rabish Bini 07-10-2008 07:09 AM

I liked it, although it was a bit short and ended abruptly, could have used a bit more detail and a bit longer.
And there were a few errors, like where it says
"Lirissian wake up! The Spiths are attacking!
You left out a talking mark at the end, and, while the "p" is probably a typo, the "s" shouldn't be there either, as the plural for Sith is just that, "Sith".

All in all, a good chap, keep it up :thumbsup:

Burnseyy 07-10-2008 07:19 AM

agreed with the above comment.
detail is important, even if it does sound boring. ^^

good start, though. i hope to see an attachment.

The_Catto 07-10-2008 07:29 AM

I concur.
A good start, but abrupt, not enough detail and some minor, but also fixable, punctuation problems.
I do hope to see some more, and I hope that you do not let these comments keep you from trying to write more.

TheExile 07-10-2008 08:17 AM

I will, And the "p" is not there by accident. ;)
I know it needs detail, but I intended the 1st chapter to be short, with little amount of detail...
At plural: "Spiths"...

The_Catto 07-10-2008 08:21 AM

I take it the "Spith" is new race of yours? :)

TheExile 07-10-2008 08:24 AM

No...It's kinda of a nickname... Spit? Saliva? It's an idiot nickname the Republic Rangers gave to the Sith troops who....

The_Catto 07-10-2008 08:30 AM

Haha, okie dokie. I'll just have to wait and see .... Damn my impatient persona!!!!

Rabish Bini 07-10-2008 09:39 PM

Ah, okay, now it makes sense, it does look like a typo though...

TheExile 07-14-2008 02:28 PM

Sorry if there are some mistakes, my mother annoyed me, I couldn't concentrate...
Edit: Today rained so bad, my melancholic level is so up- tho is am a melancholic guy.
Hm... If it continues, the next chapter will be with loads of direct description- I use description anyway, but indirect description, that results from actions, dialogs, ya know ;)

Chapter 2:
The scars of war…

“No, I was just kidding…”
“Devril… Where’s my rifle?”
“Why? You wanna shot me? Sorry Lirissian, but you were sleeping too nice…”
“Devril…” The boy’s eyes roll up… “In the future, please, stop making premonitions…”
In the next second an explosion is heard on the complex.
A man screams his lungs out: “The Spiths are bombing us! Go for shelter!”
The door is opened and a tall, blond man with a short haircut walks in front of the boys…
“Captain Ulgo?”
“Boys, grab the gear and go in the central bunker. The damn Spiths are attacking us again!”
The boys take whatever they can and run for the bunker… But Lirissian stops, while Devril continues to run…
“Why did you stop?” says Devril before observing that Lirissian was trying to carry two injured soldiers… Devril offer his help, grabs one injured comrade and goes in the bunker.
“Captain, we’re sorry for the delay, but…” says Devril while pointing at the injured people…
The huge central bunker was almost empty… Only 15 soldiers and the captain survived the intense battles fought several weeks continuously.
“OK guys… We’re the only ones left. The others are either dead or wounded… The navy promised to release us from this camp, but we need to get through this first…”
Captain Trask Ulgo sighs, coughs several times and starts talking again: “We will abandon the camp… But only for several days… Take all the munitions, take all mortars, and all the supplies you can carry…But before we leave, we need to set traps, poison the water and the food that is left over, do anything that will weaken them… We need to be smart this time, they are many and this time they want to take the camp with any price… Try to stay to cover as much as possible while you’re setting traps and doing the other stuff. Meet me on the south side of the camp when you’re finished… We will leave in the forest.”
The boys exit the bunker…Lirissian blocks his eyes on a bomb standing next to an apple…
“Devril, instead of poisoning the food” says Lirissian “why don’t we hide explosives in them?”
“What? You want to blow up 3 Spiths instead of poisoning one with a fruit? You know, you’re really smart!”
“Not really… They all eat at the same time, right?”
“Who? The Spiths? The intel we had said so…Their Darts Olds order them strict regime. They always eat at 1400 …”
“If one of them eats one fruit and explodes, the other ones won’t do so…
I was thinking at using liquid explosives and detonating them at 1405.”
“I take my words back. You’re not smart, you’re a genius… “
“No wonder now why you are such a good pazaak player. Sorry for suspecting you of cheating… “says another soldier…
8 of the 15 soldiers including Lirissian and Devril plant liquid explosives in the food, while the other 7 gather ammo, supplies and place mines…
After they are finished, they place the dead bodies at random places, so the Sith will think they killed all the Republic Rangers with their bombing…
They meet with Captain Trask and they start making the preparations to head out in the forest 5 miles further south.
“Just in time, the Spiths are entering through the north gate. It will take them some time to search every building and room. They will be here in 3-4 hours… Cover your tracks and let’s leave…”
After they travel 2 miles, making sure they don’t leave anything behind that could expose them: “Devril?”
“It’s 1404”
Lirissian stops and takes some sort of a detonator from his bag.
A “boom” is heard across the sky and the 15 boys smile with meaning…
Next day the soldiers reach their destination, make a camp and set up a defense perimeter. The spot in the forest was perfect. The air was clean, a natural water pool was 5 steps from the camp and there were numerous medicine plants. Perfect place for recuperating.
While relaxing, some sort of alarm is heard…
“*Beep beep! Beep beep!* Droids activated. Running the “Search, Meet, Greet” programming.
“What the hell was that?” asks a soldier.
“Be on your guard!” replies another.
“Calm down boys!” says the captain. “That’s my datapad… The droids have been activated…”
“Well, I gathered all the droids in the base and placed them in the warehouse in the lower level. If the Spiths will find them, which they did seconds ago, the droids will start their patrol on the entire base complex. Let’s hope they will give them a very hard time …”
“But what droids were left in the warehouse?”
“Couple of Tank Droids, several Assault Droids Mark IV and some Utility Droids equipped with Gravity/Anti-gravity Generators, Radiation Emitters and Plasma Throwers.”

4th morning in the forest has arrived…
“Boys, listen up!We need to make some plans... I guess our little surprises have reduced the Spith’s numbers to half… Because of the lack of supplies, their remaining troops are weaker. But we must not underestimate them, they use specific Force techniques. We will not directly siege the base… Before I say more, please take this vaccination.”
Captain Ulgo pulls a metal case out of his bag. He opens the case and hands a vaccination to every one present there. He also reveals a gizka which he has hidden in a box.
“This gizka is infected with a sort of plague. It is inoffensive for him, but it’s very dangerous for almost every known intelligent creature in the galaxy. It slows the brain, it accelerates the metabolism, it weakens the senses. I am planning to release this gizka in the camp with the help of *this* flying droid.”
“Sir you’re full of surprises today!”
“Thanks Private Devril. But I need someone to fix the droid. Any suggestions?”
Devril approaches Lirissian and whispers in his ear: “ Lirissian, you are good at repairing droids and stuff…Why don’t ya…”
“No, Devril, you know it bores me!”
“Lirissian!” says Cpt. Trask. “Why don’t you fix it? I heard you are good at repairing droids and <<stuff>>…”
“Yes sir!”
Within an hour, the droid is repaired. The Cpt. puts the gizka inside the droid and programs it.
“This gizka will be very helpful! He should get a medal… Maybe I will give him one. But in several days more then 30 infected gizka will fool around in our base… How will I know who’s this one? Hm… Aha!” says Ulgo. He takes one knife and makes a hole in the gizka’s ear...
Soon after he releases the droid which flies in the direction of the base…

2 days after Cpt. Trask orders him men to prepare for leaving. The trip is a quiet one. Their supplies are more then enough, and the morale of the boys is high.
Next day at the evening they approach the stones that where outside the base, in the South-West direction.
“Boys, look!” says Ulgo pointing on the base’s defense wall. There were 20-30 people on that side of the wall. “Stay crouched, and walk alongside this rock so we can approach the base complex as much as possible before we are spotted. My sensor picked only these guys on the wall. That means there are none in the base. If they stand all here, they probably know we will attack them from this direction…
A loud chiming is heard from a soldier’s datapad.
“Shut that up!” yells the Cpt. “Wait one seco…” The soldier couldn’t end up his phrase. A blaster fire strokes his chest. Noise is heard from the wall. Burst of energy bolts are spread on the groups location…
“They got mounted heavy repeating-guns up there! Take cover!”
A general panic installs in the small group of soldiers.
“Devril, cover me!” says Lirissian while taking his Disruptor Sniper.
He quickly runs to another rock, climbs it, and aims one of the sith’s head.
One down! He reloads, aims, 2 down. 3, 4, 5… His ammo clip is done.
He forgot to take another. The boy takes from his Aratech belt a smoke grenade and puts up a smoke screen. He runs at the group of soldiers.
“Captain, take the boys run for cover on that big rock there. I’ll cover you!”
“Are you sure Caporal?” Instead of an answer, Lirissian shakes his head in a very decisive manner.
“Hm… Ok, but Devril will assist you!”
“Sir, yes sir!” replies Devril. The soldiers and the captain run towards the big rock east of their position. Lirissian reloads his Disruptor and thinks of a way to stimulate Devril.
“Devril, I bet I’ll headshoot more Spiths then you!”
“What’s the wage?”
“300 credits!”
“Ohoo! You’re on, city boy!”
But Lirissian kills 8 and Devril 6. Lirissian’s ammo is done again. Before he gets to ask Devril for another one his comlink beeps.
“Caporal, good news. The Navy blew up our cover trying to contact us. Admiral Onasi is en route with a freighter to pick us up. Hurry up and get here!”
“Yes sir!”
The boys head on for the Rock the rest of the soldiers were waiting. Only 30 meters until reach, but 3 Sith with a mutant Drexl larva show up.
“Lirissian, this is my lucky day! I take them all and I win the bet!”
“Devril, common! No time!” But Devril already shot 2 soldiers, but his ammo clip is also done. He tries to reload while the remaining Sith throws a frag grenade. Devril tries to dodge it but a shrapnel piece punches his chest and touches his heart. He dies instantaneously.
“Lirissian! Come on! The freighter is here!” yells a soldier. Lirissian turns his head towards the group of soldiers. They go mute immediately. The beautiful features Lirissian’s face has, had disappeared. Creases cover all the area around his eyes, and cuts deform his cheeks, though he wasn’t touched by shrapnel.
He quickly grabs his vibroblade, and runs with an unseen speed towards the Sith trooper. He punches the Sith’s helmet out of his head, and he stabs the poor Sith in the left side of the lower jaw. The Mutant Drexl strikes with his hand at Lirissian’s face, but Lirissian hardly dodges it.
“Aaaaaaaaaaaah!” screams Lirissian out of pain. He puts his left hand on the face, dodges the second slam of the monster and stabs the Drexl in his heart. Cpt. Trask Ulgo, goes to Lirissian and carries him to the freighter. The soldiers are picked up…
“Admiral, send this boy to the medical bay!”
“Good to see you to Trask!” says Onasi while helping the Captain with the injured…

Several days after the incident…
“Trask I have good news and bad news for you…”
“Caporal Lirissian Flaut is recuperating well. But he suffered severe facial injuries… At the moment, every muscle he moves, every word he speaks, brings with it a lot of pain. I am afraid that his shooting-and-holding-a-gun days in the army are over… But it could be much worse! The slam the monster gave left him with 3 scars. They start from the left upper part of the face and end at the lower right part of the face. The claws got 2-4 cm in his flesh. But, miracle, the nasal fosse and the eyes weren’t touched, though they should be! Until now he has recovered well and if he continues like this, he may join the army again as a tech, though he had his share of war scares. I have seen his large variety of skills. So overall, the news are good!”
“Thanks for the info Carth.” Trask stops and sighs: “He is a good kid.”

TheExile 07-18-2008 07:34 AM

Chapter 3:
“You’re recruited!”

“18th, July, 21.051 A.F.R

Back on Coruscant! After 3 years and a half of constant fighting, I’m happy I will actually sleep in a cozy room, in a nice bed… But I fear the relaxation won’t please me too much, as every nerve orders me to take the first ship to Onderon, to the battlefield. Cpt. Trask says that in one standard month, I could rejoin the army as a tech…
But that won’t please me for too long either. Though it’s terrifying, the Mandalorian drops of blood that rushes through my veins steer me towards the frontline.
Maybe I will get that chance. Some republic Officers are here to recruit soldiers for a special infantry division… But I guess they will start recruiting August and until then I plan on going to my home, to Serroco next week… But the doctor said I won’t go, unless my scars are better. But they will be, after all, my mother was half Stereb.
Tomorrow I must go to the Senate alongside other veterans, to receive money for the “services we have brought to the Republic” during the war. But I guess they will give 1000 credits per each veteran, because the Republic doesn’t have the wealthy it had decades ago, after all we are at war and”
… but the boy doesn’t finish his phrase. He drops the pen and yawns. His eyes slowly close and his bronze pupils are covered. A powerful sleeping sensation strikes him… He tries to resist, but he’s too tired. So he gives up… and sleeps…
A boy with creases and cuts… A boy with an anger which can be more destructive then any war machine. A boy that now rushes to an enemy. The Sith fires a couple of times, but the panic ate his courage and ability to aim. His fear grows, as he sees the devil-like boy approaching… The boy punches him. And though the punch should’ve been like a slap, the fist blows the sith’s helmet off his head. And as he sees the vibrating blade approaching his face, he thinks, that maybe he deserves the death he will have. And as he feels for fractions of seconds the blade carving through his flesh, he wants the boy to feel the same pain he feels…
But everything goes black… Against the blackness stays a faint light… which grows and expands… and disturbs Lirissian’s eyes and the sleep …
He wakes up, blinded by sun razes who fall directly upon his eyes…
“Damn… I’m getting tired of dreaming that again and again…
Three hours later he’s at the main Senate entry. A lot of people were already in, but there was a lot of agitation at the 2nd entry. Lirissian looks at the watch with a lot of interest. He thinks and sighs… “I’m almost late. If I check that out I won’t get anything…” So he makes one more step towards the main entry… But something inside him squirms and twists. And he knows why. He’s gut feeling tells him to go to the second entry. He tries to find a reason to go, but he finds none, except to always present curiosity. But he makes the decision and goes there.

He reaches the second entry and he has a surprise…
“Guess I was wrong… The recruitment applications are made today.” There were a lot of people there waiting for their turn, and there were only 7 officers to deal with the application. He politely asks one soldier how this recruitment thing works.
“Take this paper and fill in the required information. Then wait for your turn and go to one of the officers” replies the soldier.
“Any time…and…er… where did you got that scar from?”
“A… swoop accident… Yeah! A swoop accident!” The soldier doesn’t say anything this time. Lirissian fills the paper and goes to wait for the third officer.
An angry man comes from the officer and grumps: “Damn this officer! He rejected almost everyone! The Republic should look closer at what persons they assign jobs!” In that moment Lirissian thinks this is his worst day. “I lost 1000 credits and I’m about to be rejected from recruitment”
Soon his time to be “rejected” has come:
“My name is…” he tries to say…
“Give me the damn paper, I don’t have the whole day!” says an irritating voice. “Home world: Serroco! Hmpf! I never understood those Serrocoans, standing on the same planet with those hairless wookies… Sterebs I think it’s their names.” In this moment Lirissian’s only wish is to crack the officer’s skull. He’s grandfather was a Stereb. He’s mother was a half-breed. “Hmpf, here it says your grandfather was a Stereb. That would explain why you are so ugly!” Lirissian efforts to remain calm are even more stretched. But deep inside he laughs, because he knows that his scars make him look unpleasant, but even with his scars, he is much more beautiful then the short, loud-mouthed, arrogant gnome that stand in his front.
“What’s with those scars? A drexl tried the density of your flesh?” The officer remains silent for a couple of seconds and asks: “So you traveled to Onderon? Cauze that’s the only place you could get those scars… Why? That’s the main battleground!”
But before Lirissian answers: “Here says that you joined the Onderonian Resistance at 14. Hm… Let me check something.” He stands up from his chair and goes to one of the soldiers. The soldier leaves and returns 2 minutes later.
“Ok, mister Flaut, let’s get back to our discussions!” Lirissian was stunned. The only thought he had in mind was if he is dreaming… Did the annoying officer called him “mister”? That must be a mistake!
“I checked you background. Your father was a Mandalorian captain your mother a Stereb half-breed. Please tell me about this”
“Well, before the nuclear bombing at Serroco, my father met my mother. Despite her blood, she was a very beautiful woman. My father fell in love with her, and took her in his ship before the bombing.”
“But now you are an orphan…”
“My father was from the Ordo clan… As you know, the Mandalorians helped Queen Talia in the Onderonian Civil war. So the Queen helped the Mandalorians to gain strength. When the Sith attacked Onderon, my father, Bralor Ordo, was dispatched by the orders of Mandalore Canderous Ordo on Onderon. Meanwhile I was with my mother Telos IV. My father asked my mother to come to Onderon, so she can use her medical skills. After one month, they both died when the Sith bombed Izis. So I entered in the Resistance. Soon after Cpt. Trask Ulgo found me and took me in the Republic Rangers…”
“The scar?” asks the officer.
“I got it when I…”
“…tried to kill a drexl with a vibro-knife. I know that. I was asking how it feels? Does it still hurt?”
Lirissian was convinced! He was indeed dreaming! “It still hurts, but I have an substance that frees me of pain for a couple of hours.”
The officer thinks for a couple of minutes, then he smiles and with a pleasant and warm voice he says: “Kid, I think you can handle yourself… You’re recruited!”

TheExile 07-21-2008 12:03 PM

Chapter 4:
“We’re short on all-rounds…”

“In attention of all those who apply for recruitment:

The applications are made via completing the necessary papers and discussing to one of the officers. They will decide whether you participate at the recruitment tests or not.
The tests are held on 20th of July 21.051 A.F.R. They will take approximately 7 hours and will begin at 1300. There will be included a written test and a physical test.
The results will be posted at the Senate on 25th July.
Those who pass the tests will be recruited into V Company. V Company will receive a special training, which will last 9 standard months. The training will start on 14th of August.
The training will consist in...”

“Bah, too much to read! Can’t believe I applied for something I knew nothing about… Well, at least one thing is clear to me: I must be here at 1300…” declares Lirissian while reading the holo-poster.

__________________________________________________ _______________

1245. More then 500 people entering the main gate. Lirissian grows more nervous with every step he forges towards the big structure that lays ahead of him. Numerous thoughts invade his mind… Is he mentally prepared? Will he be apart of V company with all this competitions?
“Calm yourself! Relax, you will pass.” voices Lirissian trying to encourage himself.

In 15 minutes the written test begins. The questions vary from tech knowledge to general culture to mental issues. In total there were 68 questions. Lirissian encounters one question that has an unknown answer. He passes it, answers a couple more, then another question with unknown answer. Again, after 7 questions another one. He starts too panic…
“C’mon, Flaut! Don’t let this to take the best of you! You still have 3 hours.”
Two more hours pass and the scared boy reaches the final question, and answers it.
Then he looks at the clock: “Almost one more hour left. Better check those annoying barrages…”
The time is out. He answers to 61 questions.

“Please go in this room for the second part of the test!” announces one of the present officers.

The physical test was a bit easier. He scores a fraction above average at all exercises.
At the end, the officers direct the mass of people towards some small exits, where only one man can go at a time. But Lirissian observes some frames around the doors.
“Those must be the brand new midi-chlorians testers, invented by the Jedi Weapon-Master Bao-Dur.” claims the boy. “So that’s why this company is a ‘special’ one.”

__________________________________________________ _______________

“Hm… So we do have 25 squads. But there are 5 members, not 4.”
“Well, the more the better I say Colonel Rand!”
“Admiral Onasi, I think I already told you to call me Atton…”
“Atton, I think I already told you to call me Carth. But let’s get serious. So instead of 100 soldiers, we have 125… Why?”
“124 to be exact…”
“Why is that?”
“Well, for the first question, there were too many good weapon-specs. It would’ve been a waste to throw them. And for the second, we’re short on all-rounds. We have only 24, not 25… We have no all-round for the first squad. None of them reached the high standards of the best squad.”
“Who is in the first squad?”
“Well, the war-specialist violets are Merril and Ulgo, the tech-expert violet is Lafter and the support-scout violet is Vasta.”
“Well, let’s have a look on the list, e will find someone…”
Atton reveals some sort of a catalog. He opens at the first page… Someone opens the door and rushes in:
“Admiral, I have news about the battles on Onderon.”
“Well, lets hear them, Lt. Fent!”
“Near the town of...” Silence…
“What’s the matter Lt.?” But no answer is given. The lt. hooks his sight on the first page of the catalog.
“You seem to know this boy, eh Fent?”
“Actually, Fent is the one who approved this boys application” clears Atton.
“But is more then that…” replies the Fent. “I also recruited this boy while I was one of the Onderon Underground Resistance leader. He proved under me to be am excellent soldier, very disciplined… and very lucky. But it seems he forgot me...”
“So he has some military background.”
“More then that. As written in his application, he was recruited by Trask Ulgo in the Republic Rangers, when The Republic got on Onderon. That was more then 2 years ago.”
“So…” starts Carth. “Would you recommend his recruitment in this company?”

TheExile 07-22-2008 01:59 PM

Chapter 5
*Note: I putted the data of this chapter, so you can remark that the thing in this chapter are happening almost one year after the precedent one :D...
Here it goes:*

Chapter 5:
“They’re not buyin' it…”

3rd of May, 21.052 A.F.R.

“What a horrible day for a mission!” complains a man while looking at the storm through the opening in the back of the vehicle. The lightings were flashing the sky, as the groups of little fluid balls dripped towards the ground. The clouds filled the vault of the heaven, leaving everything in complete darkness. Another thunder, another second of panic in a fraction of light.
“Damn it, I can feet that nothing good will come out of this.” voices a worried man, as his heavy armor was shining alongside the thunder.
“It is different from what it was a year ago. Looks like the war left its mark.”
“Hm… You’re right Trask. I almost forgot how it was.” affirms a boy with his sight hooked on the floor of the vehicle. But his sight slowly goes blank… and slowly comes back to normal… And this time he doesn’t see the floor. Instead, he sees several moments of his last ‘trip’ to Onderon. He reminds his moments in the resistance. He reminds how he was recruited in the Republic Rangers and… how he lost his friend…
But the rake up doesn’t end here. He reminds the tests he took part almost one year ago, on Coruscant. Finally, he reminds the first day of training, and how he was assigned to the first squad of the Violet Company. The memories of Colonel Rand telling in the front of 125 recruits about the new group of special soldiers consisted by them come back…
“Thanks Admiral Onasi for the brief presentation.” Starts Colonel Rand.* Now… where did I put that speech? I don’t understand why they let me do this* sighs the colonel. “Ahem… First of all, as the Admiral also did, I want to thank you all for being here!” says Atton with a clumsy effort to look serious. “You probably wonder about this new company, with the special soldiers. Well, let me tell you why we consider this company ‘special’. It is because it is made by you, Force Sensitives.” In this moment a hum composed by hundreds of whispers cover the atmosphere, thus Atton stops. Shortly, he retakes his earlier position: “It looks like a shock, no pure pazaak there, but you are all Force Sensitives, and powerful ones. Now you probably think that we will make Jedi out of you. Well we won’t!” speaks Atton with loads of self confidence from his earlier success: he didn’t look like a fool, or so he thinks. “We know from our recent history, that Jedi plus war equals more war. Then will you be turned into Sith? No… You will be turned in supreme battle machines, capable of shielding their minds of emotions in all the conditions: peace and war… 25 squads of 5 members each. Each member with his own role. That’s why you we tested you, to see your abilities.” He stops, choughs, gets his breath back and starts again: “Now let me tell you something about your roles. There will be 4 types of troopers in every squad. One type will be consisted by the war-specialists. They will be 2 in each squad. They are the closest thing to a soldier. But they are not ordinary soldiers. They will be trained in using all types of weapons and explosives. They must also present the best physical abilities. In addition, they will learn to use the Force for telekinesis. Another type of unit will be the tech-expert. They will use their intelligence for supporting the crew with weapon maintenance, security, computer and repairing skills. They will be specialists in handguns and melee fighting with vibro-cutters and short swords. They will also be the main crewmembers who will set up tactics. Their main force use will be telepathy. One squad will have one tech-specialist.” Atton stops one more time, as he observes that he’s speaking colder, thus more professional, he thinks… “The third type of unit will be a support-scout. This unit’s specialty is to use force powers to aid his teammates. As skills, stealth and awareness are the best friends of a support-scout. As weapons, enforcers, stun batons and staffs. The last type of soldiers is an all-round, with mild capabilities of the other unit types. They will be the leaders.”… One final stop. Now, I’ll assign you to your teams.
First team: The war-specialists are Ulgo and Merril, the tech-expert is Lafter, the support-scout is Vasta and the leader/all-round is Flaut!
Second team is formed from…”
Lirissian’s sight goes blank again. It comes back shortly, only to find out he’s in the truck. “What a banal and clumsy speech” whispers Lirissian for himself, his voice being covered by the clinkering of the falling rivers.
“Lafter, how more many meters ‘till the Sith checkpoint?” asks Lirissian a man dressed like a sith, who is driving the vehicle.
“1200 meters, sir. In two minutes will be there!”
“Alright! Guys, we’ve done this before, in the training. The Republic Cpt. Matnal in the truck behind us will talk with the Spiths on the checkpoint. Lafter and Matnal will try to convince the Sith that they bring supplies. 200 meters from the checkpoint is the sith camp. Once we enter the camp, we look for the intel. Try to make as few kills as possible. We don’t want sith from a camp nearby on our tail. After we take the intel, we take the truck back to the checkpoint and kill the sith there. Watch for your ammo clips.” After several moments of dark silence: “OK, we’re approaching. Activate your stealth generators.”
The truck slows down and once it reaches the checkpoint, it stops. Same for the vehicle behind. A man in a black uniform comes to the truck Matnal drives. They start talking.
“I have a ugly sensation that they know us and have a surprise for us…” says Vasta, visibly worried.
The dialog between Matnal and the sith soldier becomes louder.
“Something is clearly wrong!” says Ulgo.
“Please get out of the vehicle. We will check it out!” says the sith.
“They’re not buyin' it…” approves Lirissian. Matnal opens the door, but in the same time he puts his hand at his belt. He takes a pistol and shoots the sith.
“Damn! Abandon the plan! Get out of the car! Go, go, go!”
A sith with an rocket launcher materializes on the top of a short building. The vehicle Matnal was in explodes. Few more spiths appear.

Qual 07-27-2008 12:44 PM

Its so good i want another one where is it? Hope its because its going to be really long and detailed. All i have to say is keep them coming.

Marius Fett 07-27-2008 07:16 PM

This is quite good Exile!

Especiallly for a first fic. :)

Keep it up!

TheExile 07-28-2008 02:02 AM

:D Thanks guys!

Rabish Bini 07-28-2008 03:16 AM

Wow, that was eally nice to read, good descriptive text and the like, a few spelling errors but nothing serious. Good work. And you're pumping these chapters out quick as, give yourself a break, you earned, I never release a new chapter too early, even if it's complete.

TheExile 07-28-2008 09:27 AM

:D I like to write. The actual writing takes me several hours. Figuring how to make the story to go well, how the action will take place, this takes me days. When I figure that out, the story writes itself.

TheExile 07-31-2008 05:57 AM

Chapter 6:
“The mission’s not lost yet.”

“Get out! NOW!” yells Trask, but the panic strikes deep those in the vehicle, as they see a rocket heading towards them. Lirissian manages to jump from the car, but the explosion still wounds him.
“Hmpf! How they dared to believe we are so stupid.” Says the sith captain, in a very triumphing way. “Take the corpses from the car and burn them. As for this living squirming maggot, take him to the interrogation room.”

Few hours late, the rain stopped….
"Everything is set. Let them burn.” orders a sith to another. The fire is set, and with the hunger of a Krayt Dragon, it spreads across the lying bodies. The spiths leave, unknowing that the Force does not lack life in the burning pile. Someone still lives…
Trask opens his eyes, only to see himself in hell. No time for thinking, as his heath resisting armor won’t stand too much longer. He jumps out of the fire. Few yards away, there was a tank with water, with which the spiths will probably put the fire out. He cools himself, but some steps attract his attention:
*Someone is coming* thinks Trask, while paying attention to the ground. When he sees two shadows on the wet soil, he activates his stealth generator incorporated in the amour. Two spiths were coming indeed. They take water from the tank, in a pathetic attempt to nullify the fire. *Too easy!* opines Trask.
He slowly approaches one sith. He takes a pistol from the sith’s belt, and bashes his skull.
“What the heck?” queries the other sith. But he is already down before he can say something else.
Trask looks at the blazing fire, in an attempt to distinguish those who burn. He realizes that Lirissian is not there.

*Damn… They all probably burn now* thinks Lirissian. He looks around him, trying to be comfortable with the small room at the first floor, waiting for the interrogator.
But he feels like something is not as it should. A piece of the puzzle does not click…. Shortly he realizes. They are not all dead. He stops thinking for 2 minutes, then he concentrate, compelling the Force to send a message:
*Trask, I’m alive. Come to help me.*

As Trask wages his possibilities on what he should do, he feels something striking his head. Now he knows what he should do.
He stands up with confidence, activates his stealth field and runs for the entrance of the camp. He sees 3 spiths. He takes a rock, and he throws it in a bush, near the sith. They alarm, loosing attention. Trask head-shoots all 3 of them. He enters the camp, heading towards his victims. He stops to think where Lirissian might me.
“What was that?”
“Here! Up here!” whispers someone. Trask raises his head towards the first floor of the building in front of him. Lirissian was staring from a window.
“Hold on!”
Trask loots one of the bodies in search of a grenade, and luckily, he finds one. He picks the door of the building, and throws a grenade, extinguishing the life of those who were on the floor. He goes upstairs, were two more spiths greet him. He stabs one, and shoots the other. His attention points to the left wall, where a door was waiting to be opened. Beyond that door Lirissian was being held.
“Thanks friend. You showed on time. After the interrogation they would’ve killed me for certain.”
“No problem. But… now that you are safe and sound, what should we do? Will we continue our mission, or we’ll find a swoop and get back to our base?”
“Hm… The mission’s not lost yet. We could take those documents and battle plans, but they are now in the other camp.”
“Well, let’s do this. I think we could handle pretty well the situation.”
Lirissian starts looting the corpses, and finds a sniper rifle. Trask finds a suitable repeating slug-thrower. They exit the building, and head for the medical lab, which luckily was unpatrolled. After a bit of healing they head out of the camp. 200 yards away there was another camp, which was heavy fortified and patrolled. Some spotlights where on the defense wall, but the 2 men squad managed to enter undetected in the camp. “Let’s head to the commandant’s office! Our papers are probably there.” whispers Lirissian. Trask shakes his head in an approving way. They enter the main building, and reach a long corridor, which they thought is unpatrolled. They shut the door behind them, and deactivate their stealth generators. At the middle of the corridor, there was a door on the right wall. Lirissian tries to pick it, but a patrol shows up. Surprisingly, he remains silent, probably shocked and panicked of what he sees. Trask points the gun in an attempt to shot him, but he stops, because the sound could alarm the whole camp. Lirissian thinks quick and mind-tricks the soldier, as Trask rushes to him. He covers the soldier’s mouth and stabs him. Lirissian meanwhile picks the door and enters the commandant’s room, which was empty. He takes the documents and takes a look over them. He sees that the Sith have planned an attack over Isis. But an attack like that should involve only ground troops. But the Sith will also send 5 Capital Ships. If they would want to bomb Isis, one Capital Ship is much more then enough.
“Something’s not right.” worries Lirissian.
Trask activates his stealth generator, and so does Lirissian. They leave the camp through the rear exit.
“Now we need transport.” declares Trask.
“Yes. Hm… You go find a swoop; I’ll head back to the camp. Something’s not right, and I need to find the commandant.”
Lirissian heads in the camp again. He sees some patrols, he sticks to a wall. But he hears something that comes past that wall.
“Sounds like an interrogation.” A blaster is fired; probably a prisoner was shot.
“This is what you will also get, if you don’t answer my questions!” says someone past the wall.
Lirissian opens the door and enters the building. He finds the main room where the commandant was interrogating.
“So you also refuse? Scum!” The commandant shots the other prisoner. He prepares to exit the building, but Lirissian appears in his face and punches the officer, who is knock-downed on the interrogation chair.
“What’s with the Capital Ships?” asks Lirissian.
“Burn in hell, scum!”
“This is what you will also get, if you don’t answer my questions!” says the boy pointing at the dead Republic Soldiers.
“You don’t intimidate me, boy. I am a Sith!”
Lirissian starts to get angry. He’s eyes go from bronze to yellow, and his diagonal cuts on the face start to degenerate.
“Now do I intimidate you?” says Lirissian with a very accentuated anger.
“I…will…not…” voices him with growing fear and panic. But Lirissian’s breath goes slower, and slower, as his face inspires more and more fear.
“They... The ships… will attack Dxun… the Mandalorian army, to eliminate… any possibility…” but he cannot finish his sentence. Lirissian stabs him.
“This is all I wanted to know.” says the boy. He calms himself, and after he leaves his anger, he goes outside the camp, where Trask was waiting him with a swoop.

Rabish Bini 07-31-2008 06:06 AM

Sweet, once again well written, nice length, could've been a bit longer, nice detail, some errors still though, but overall an awesome chapter, yopu might wanna change your sig now :)

TheExile 07-31-2008 06:12 AM

Changed :D
Thx :)

Qual 07-31-2008 09:02 AM

Once again great chapter, you might have wanted to put how they got into the second fortified sith base as I am curious about it, but not a biggie. Also a few minor spelling mistakes although that is to be expected. Overall awesome, looking forward to more.

TheExile 07-31-2008 10:48 AM

Well, as specified in the fic, the second bigger and newer camp was 200 yards from the first camp.
Thx for the feedback :D
Also, can you tell me some spelling mistakes i had :)? I seek to not do them in future...
They really annoy me...

Qual 08-01-2008 10:26 AM

his heath (heat) resisting armor: stealth generator incorporated in the amour (armor): then he concentrate (concentrates): They alarm, loosing (losing) attention: Some spotlights where (were): the 2 men (man) squad: in an attempt to shot (shoot) him: an attack over Isis (Iziz): The commandant shots (shoots): who is knock-downed (knocked-down): OK thats most of them I think hope I helped and if you ever need someone to proof-read your work then just pm me.

TheExile 08-01-2008 03:44 PM

Thx a lot <3 ^^
Still can't figure out how I made the Isis mistake...
Thx again!

Rabish Bini 08-02-2008 04:37 AM

You could just write it in MS Word where it will automatically show you any mistakes, or download Firefox 3 which shows you any mistakes also ;)

TheExile 08-02-2008 09:18 AM

Thx! <3 you 2!!!

TheExile 08-16-2008 04:46 AM

Guyz, I'm sorry I couldn't bring a new chapter for such a time, and I can't post a new on yet, cause I'm working on a machinema thing for the Fic. As soon as I'm close to finished that, I'll post a new chapter ;)

Rabish Bini 08-16-2008 05:32 AM

Don't worry about it, I take a while to post new chaps too. Just take your time with it. ;)

TheExile 08-19-2008 05:38 AM

Meh... That machinema thing may last a lill' longer then expected, so I'll post a new chapter now...
Hope you will enjoy it!

*Note: The name is Davrel- the boy that you must beat in the Battle Circle in TSL- not Devril, Lirissian's friend from the first chapters.

Chapter 7:

“I think it’s the time to get rid of those pesky Mandalorians! Lt, what’s the status of our guns?
“Sir, they are fully loaded. The attack can start in any moment.”
“Then, let’s wait no longer. Commence the bombing!” A distant sound, resembling the hurl of a powerful wind was send through the space… “What was that? It sounded like gun blasting, but not ours!”
5 seconds later an explosion in the engine room.
“Sir, *we* are under bombing!”


“Hmpf! Smug sith! They were stupid enough to believe clan Ordo will suffer the same fate as Isis! The cloaking device the Iridonian invented is really helpful, as helpful as your information, caporal Lirissian.”
“It is my job, Mandalore, and it’s also an honor, to stand along with the man my father admired so much!”
Mandalore remained silent for a moment, after hearing that. He reflects on the fact that he drove Bralor to death, by sending him on Onderon. “But sacrifices must be made! And, through the death of Bralor, a younger soldier, with great potential was born!” thinks Mandalore, realizing that *he* admires Lirissian.
“Too bad he gave you his wife’s name, Flaut, not his, Ordo.” But Lirissian also remains silent after hearing this. Mandalore didn’t knew his father gave him the Mandalorian surname, but he chose to be called Lirissian Flaut, not Lirissian Ordo after his parents death.
But the thoughts pass, and the silence remains, broken from time to time by the hurl of the guns.
“Those four capital ships are almost scrap heaps” voices Mandalore, proud of his intelligent victory. But something snaps in Lirissian’s head…
“Four?! Wait, shouldn’t there be five?” And the answer is given: an explosion at the cloaking device chamber. The ship becomes visible in the black vacuum, and the enemy that’s left is also unknown.
“That last ship must also have a cloaking device. But how did they spot us?”
The answer is only known to Lirissian, as he feels something dark moving around the battlefield.
“There’s a dark force user on that ship. He probably sensed a Force Sensitive.”
“That Force Sensitive may be you, or Trask!” accuses Mandalore.
“No… We learned to hide our presence in the Force, when we trained for the ‘special’ Violet Company. There’s someone else here, someone untrained in the Force!”
“Hm… Never mind that! But can’t you track that Sith, as he also did?”
“I will try!”
Lirissian sits on the floor, and closes his eyes. As he swims deeper in the Force, a calmness cloud covers everything, and becomes denser… then weaker. It almost disappears and fear takes its place, as Lirissian becomes visibly more nervous and agitated in his meditation. But suddenly he opens his eyes, stands up and directions the guns. “Fire!”
That generic hurl again, three seconds of waiting, and a huge, gigantic ship unveils in distance, Despite the fact that everyone on Mandalore’s ship searches for his reactions, none is given. The huge Sith ship fires one more time in the fuel compartment and a big explosion scares everyone on the bridge.
“We need to get to the escape pods!”
“Not yet, Mandalore! If that ship remains intact though it has the engine room destroyed, it will destroy the Mandalorian fleet and armies that are still on Dxun. We need to make it un-operational.”
“We have no time, the ship will explode!”
“Yes, but I can delay the explosion enough so we can get this ship close to the Spith Capital Vessel.”
“One explosion, two ships out of commission… An end of battle worthy of a Mandalorian! But are you sure you can do that?”
“Very! Start manning the ship towards the enemy!”
The Mandalorian ship comes closer to the Sith one. And because the Spiths are blocked in that position, the outcome of the battle becomes more visible.
Tenths of pods leave the Ship and fall upon Onderon, as one big explosion generates another, bigger!

“Our luck we all crashed near this abandoned and unknown fortified camp…”
“It may not be that unknown as you believe, Mandalore.” says Trask. “From this camp we gathered that intelligence.”
“Huh… We should start building some defenses, the Spiths may attack us in soon…”


Two days later…

“Lirissian, look at that rain cloud! It’s coming really quick.”
“Trask… I don’t think that’s a cloud.”
As the so called cloud approaches, it’s becoming more clear for Lirissian.
“That’s a huge group of… flying drexls… WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Go for bunkers, they will bomb first, and then take high positions! We need to take them out!”
There isn’t too much time for preparations, as the bombing of Drexls starts.
As soon as it’s over, the mandalorians start crawling all over the places and take in high positions.
The battle is a massacre, as the drexls pick soldiers and crush them in the air. The mandalorians fight with everything they got at hand, throwing grenades in the drexl cloud above them, firing rockets, shooting with blasters and everything they got at hand, but another wave of bombing kills all the morale and spirit the soldiers have left in them…
A huge drexl approaches a wall and grabs a young mandalorian, by reflex he tries to hang on something and his hand reaches a backpack, useless on the moment.
As the drexl flies further from the base the young soldier is crushed in its claws.
But the boy has enough power to pick a vibroblade. He tries to harm the drexl, and eventually it stabs it in the heart.
But now he's in a free-fall, an imminent death awaits the mandalorian, or so he thinks until he observers the backpack he picked is a parachute… He equips it and opens it. While trying to find a suitable landing place, he spots a crashed ship, and soon he lands near it. While checking it he observes that the heavy guns the ship has are still working. He mans them, and fires them in the cloud of drexls. And as every rain cloud, this drexl one also rains, but it doesn’t rains water… Instead, it rains drexl corpses.
Soon the battle is over, and Mandalore, Trask and Lirissian decide to travel in the direction the gun was firing from.
They soon discover the hero standing tired on a portion of short-grass-covered land.
“Oh… Mandalore!”
“Mandalorian, you have just gained the title of hero!”

Rabish Bini 08-20-2008 06:40 AM

Another nice chapter, and I liked Davrel's part, but there were some errors I noticed, like:

Originally Posted by TheExile (Post 2512402)
“Lirissian, look at that rain cloud! It’s coming really quick.”
“Trask… I don’t think that’s a cloud.”
As the so called cloud approaches, it’s becoming more clear for Lirissian.
“That’s a huge group of… flying drexls… WE ARE UNDER ATTACK! Go for bunkers, they will bomb first, and then take high positions! We need to take them out!”

You should put in who says what after the line, so people don't get confused as to who's speaking, I noticed you did it a couple times. ;)

Overrall, a nice chapter, good work :thumbsup:

TheExile 08-21-2008 03:15 AM

:D Thank you!

TheExile 10-02-2008 06:50 AM

Chapter 8

…”and tonight, the Immortal that goes by the name of Sterookie hooks his wrath on a fresh face in the arena…The Scarface!”
Those faint words… followed by a shake. Lirissian abruptly opens his eyes, oddly woke up by the darkness around him that seems to ascent slowly. In the panic of disorientation he tries to figure out where he is, what happened… and… “why my head hurts so bad?” But this quick wind of thoughts faints away, as a light opens over his head. He realizes he’s on an elevator, and hears the crowd that is above him. The elevator climbs the boy to what seems to be an arena. He shakes his head, he looks around him, amazed by the big construction. A quick check at his pockets and the backpack, and surprisingly, all his gear is with him. But something rises from a hole in the floor…
“This must be the biggest Stereb I ever saw!” is the reaction of Lirissian on the sight of his enemy, as the boy realizes.
And before he realizes anything else, he is attacked by the big creature. A quick dodge is enough. Lirissian draws his pistol, and shots the Stereb in the head. The result: the blast ricochets, and an energy shield becomes visible on the Stereb’s body. A quick thought… “maybe I can beat him using his lack of speed against him.” But “Sterookie” grabs a stimulant out of his bag near the shoulder, and sticks it in his leg. Not surprisingly, that stimulant boosted his speed. Sterookie attacks again, Lirissian dodges again, but this time the Stereb is quick enough to grab Lirissian with his left arm. He brings his second hand upon Lirissian, and tries to crush him. And as the power inflected in the crush is greater, the blood pressure increases and the scars of Lirissian go from green to purple.
Eventually… they start to bleed. But a self conscious power kicks in…
The hold of the Stereb becomes weaker, like it tries to crush something very solid and in expansion… Then, an explosion of energy throws the Stereb away.
Lirissian falls… but he quickly gets up. He points his hand at the Stereb, and he slowly closes his hand.
“So you know the pain you inflict!” screams the boy at the big creature, who seems to be crushed by something. Several seconds past, and the Stereb starts to scream…
But an electricity bold strikes down Lirissian, making him pass out.

__________________________________________________ ________________________

“Eh… Where am I?” says the boy waking up…
“In your cell… Our cell…” is the answer given by a man with slightly darker skin and long black hair… Lirissian’s first reaction is putting his hand at his pistol… Or at least that is his intention, cause he finds himself unable to do so…
“Don’t try to move… You suffered pretty badly from that crush. But it’s still a mystery how you survived it.” says the man. But Lirissian remains silent… thinking… And eventually he asks:
“Where are we? What is this place?”
“Well, we are on Rattatak.”
„Um... What is Rattatak?”
„Its a planet. One that revolves itself around wars, conflicts and gladiator games.
We are in one... The game of the Ventress WarLord.”
„Gladiator games... How do they work?”
„Well, it’s simply a tournament. But it has some special rules...”
„Rules? I was thinking of everyone’s for himself and fights ‚till the death.”
„Well, you’re pretty wrong... It’s not everyone for himself. Every gladiator has a pair.
If one gladiator dies, his pair also dies.”
„What’s the purpose on that?”
„Well, probably to show the crowd as much as blood as possible... Though the crowd isn’t always that thirsty. They have the power to decide if someone lives or dies. If they let someone’s life, then that person becomes an Immortal, and he is not allowed to die... never. Instead, his pair dies. That’s why you got shocked yesterday. You were facing an Immortal.”
Satisfied with the answers, Lirissian starts to think of what he should do. Then he remembers about his companions.
„Wait! You know where my friends are?”
„You mean the decorated Mandalorian and the Republican Officer? They are in the cell in your front... They are still incapacitated. They also faced Immortals and managed to win... To be honest, you won their match.”
„What do you mean?”
„When you crushed Sterookie with... the Force... they did the exact same thing in the exact same time. They fought in the other arenas in the same time with you.”
Lirissian remains stunned. He knew that Trask is a Force User, after all, he is a member of the Violet Company, where there are only Force Users. But Davrel... He is also a Force User. And he also realizes there has been made a Froce Bond between them.
He remains silent, thinking of what he should do.
He eventually asks: „What is the prize for the tournament winner?”
„He has the opportunity to choose a freighter from the Big Hangar, and leave Rattatak”
„Um... My name is Lirissian by the way... Lirissian Flaut.”
„Mine is Mattne Dohvak.”

__________________________________________________ ________________________

*Several weeks after*

„And here is the match you’ve been waiting for! The traitors, the four gladiators who plotted against our Lord, Ventress, are fighting each other with only the fists in a deathmatch here, in the Main Arena! Only one man will stand after this battle!”
From the four holes on the ground, four sad people rise... They prepare… And the start is given.
But they remain in the same spot, doing nothing… Moments pass, and the crowd is becoming more agitated.
Ventress appears on a throne, at the highest point in the arena.
“You better start fighting, or I’ll have my guards slaughter you!” says the Lord trough a microphone.
Lirissian strains his eyes, and sees the expression of Ventress. He remembers that face…
“That person… that person is the one that assaulted our Basilisk. That’s how we ended up being here!”
Some guards approach the boy, preparing to execute him. Lirissian puts his hand at the pocket, and draws a disruptor pistol.
“From where he has that weapon? THEY SHOULD’VE BEEN CHECKED, AND ALL THEIR WEAPONS SHOULD’VE BEEN TAKEN!” shouts Ventress, without realizing Lirissian was already incapacitated the guards, and is pointing the gun at him.
“Ha, ha! If you think you can aim me from such a distance, you are wrong!”
But *he* is wrong. And he doesn’t have time to realize it, because a second later he is on the ground, with a hole in his forehead.
The crowd points it’s attention to the empty throne, a thing that Lirissian and his friends use. They activate the Stealth Generators, and run through the main gate at the Hangar.
“Let’s grab a freighter and leave!” says Mattne.
“Let’s take the battered one… The one that looks like a hawk. Seems to be most capable.”

Rabish Bini 10-02-2008 11:21 PM

Hooray, another chap, I did notice a few mistakes though, in the first line the "and" should have a capital A, and such, but a nice chapter overall, :thumbsup:

TheExile 10-03-2008 02:01 AM

Thank you :)

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