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-   -   Fic: Revan's Revenge (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=195850)

Lord of Destruction 02-17-2009 05:49 AM

Revan's Revenge
 
This is going to be my fan fic and i know people have done this before but this will be orginal

The summary for this story is about Revan going to the Mando wars, and him becoming the Lord of the sith but when hes a sith. hes not going to be as evil as malak but he will be very, very dark

Lord of Destruction 02-17-2009 08:15 AM

Chapter 1
In the heart of Mandalore, the final son of Mandalore the great was born.

Mandalore's wife Jessica was in pain, she had just given birth, and was dying a very painful death, but while she was dying got visions of the futer of her son of all the honor. he will resolve and then she saw what she wished she would never see her son do he was killing his father with a bright blood stand red light saber through his heart and another purple light saber cleaving off his head, but disturber her the most was that he enjoyed it then everything stopped her heart her brain then she started to crash but there was one word that spaced her mouth before she died, and that was Revan.

this is a better preview for my first chapter there will be more emotion when i really do it but i hope you guys like it

Admiral_Thrawn 02-17-2009 08:44 AM

You need to check your spelling as it truly it quite bad. Futer? Resive? Such things are easily noticed. You may want to hold off on releasing more until you learn to spell . . . and use grammar. No offense.

Astor 02-17-2009 08:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Admiral_Thrawn (Post 2590308)
You need to check your spelling as it truly it quite bad. Futer? Resive? Such things are easily noticed. You may want to hold off on releasing more until you learn to spell . . . and use grammar. No offense.

Not quite the way i'd put it, or possibly the way it should be put, if one is to encourage the writer further. Try to keep criticism constructive.

@ Lord of Destruction,


It's very short, but, given that you say it's a preview, the brevity isn't an issue. I would recommend proof-reading and spell-checking your work, however, and possibly getting someone else to check it beforehand.

If you want the opinion of one of the writers here before you post the finished chapter, you can use the Beta service - if you ask one of the writers there they should be more than willing to oblige you. ;)

AK.

Lord of Destruction 02-17-2009 09:20 AM

thanks i didn't know i'll get somebody to help me

Admiral_Thrawn 02-17-2009 03:53 PM

Sorry, I was tired when typing that. It came out slightly . . . offensive. Sorry about that. But to help you advance you may wish to check your work twice before submitting meaning someone wont have to point out these mistakes. Apart from the that the story seems to have a nice foundation, I'll probaly keep track of this. Good luck with your Fan-Fic LoD :)

Lord of Destruction 02-17-2009 06:54 PM

Thanks, and it was 5:00AM when i was writing this so i was tried too

LordOfTheFish 02-20-2009 04:59 PM

Well, I think that it is a good story. But even for a preview, it lacks length. You may want to include more next time and re-read your story 2-3 times before finally posting it. This will help you find those small little errors that Astor, and Thrawn mentioned.


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