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-   -   When I become Master of the Universe... (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=208230)

Darth Groovy 08-23-2011 12:27 AM

When I become Master of the Universe...
 
I may not become master of the universe, or even ruler of the free world. I may not become president any time soon, but I do feel I got a lot of good ideas...harsh though practical...

1. You must obtain a license to have children.

I live in a predominately catholic town, and I am witnessing too many people having too many kids with not one single clue as to how to raise them or feed them. I have had enough.

You may not have any children before the age of 18, and you may not have any children without completing a 4 year program of education followed by a license to bear children. AND, once you obtain a license, you may only have enough kids that your income can afford. Should you get promoted, or get a better job, you can re-apply and be approved to have more. The program consists of basic child care knowledge, to education, discipline, and ultimately how to help them succeed in life.

Any kids had out of wedlock, or without license will be forced into the military. Where they are forced to stay until they are at least 21. All kids forced into military will be taught discipline, respect, and at the age of 17 will be placed into a vocational military position which can translate into a decent job should they decide to leave the military. At 21, they can stay if they choose. At any time, the parents can visit the child in the military, but cannot claim the child until they serve a minimal 4 year enlistment from age 17-21. Also any body who enlisted in the military for any reason has the right to vote.

2. Telephones

Ever played the game Metal Gear Solid 4? Remember when Solid Snake cannot use any weapons until he get's DNA encoded? The same thing will become of all telephones, cell phones...etc. Kids have no damn business with any phone until they reach a certain age. This will eliminate stupid prank phone calls, and worthless phone bills! No kid before the age of 17 has real reason to have a phone. Any abuse of a phone after that age, the DNA code is revoked.

3. Homeless and Illegal Immigrants.

Reality TV. Give them an option. Either get deported, or "Fight for your freedom" on prime time, or Pay per view! I am sure Bob Barker, and John Madden would come out of retirement to host THIS event! Let them fight the worlds worst criminals to the death for a citizenship! You could get mighty creative on this one! And to quote George Carlin...you use the funds to balance the stupid budget!

4. Drugs.

Legalize weed, opium...and anything that grows naturally. Have it in designated areas. Amsterdam does it! Is it any worse than going to a bar and having too many drinks and driving home? Think of what this could do for the economy? And while you are at it...let people smoke for god's sake. It's ok to let people drink, and drink, and drink, but if they light up a smoke...oh god...that's cancer?! Any body else see the irony in this? It's cool, let the bars make that choice.

5. Gay marriage

I don't normally speak of politics, but dammit, in this day and age why is this even an issue? I don't give a good damn what you do in your private life so long as it does not effect your duty in what ever you do. They finally repealed the "don't ask don't tell" part of the military. I was happy as hell to see this happen. I have known gay people all my life. At no point, did I EVER feel threatened by them ever. And I never understood why it was such a big deal to stay in the closet or not. Most of my gay friends accepted me for who I was as I accepted them for who they were. Let sleeping dogs lie, and leave it alone for goodness sake. And if two guys or two girls can provide a happy home for some homeless kids how can that be wrong? Seriously?

6. Pull our troops out of the middle east.

We had no idea how to fix this mess before we got into it. We do not have the ability to fix it. I say, let the mafia go over there, open a few casinos and install what ever crappy government they see fit. Would it be any worse than it is now? Get our people out of there. Leave it alone!

Liverandbacon 08-23-2011 06:12 PM

Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.

TiE23 08-23-2011 08:00 PM

Eh. I wonder what would happen in reality if suddenly we removed troops from various countries... Then maybe more would be put to the UN?

It's going to take a huge event to change anything dramatically.

RoxStar 08-24-2011 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liverandbacon (Post 2789026)
Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.

^ This.

Ninja edit: In before "Get off my lawn, back in my day, dragons, etc."

Lynk Former 08-24-2011 12:42 AM

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v6...t-censored.jpg

...and this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Liverandbacon (Post 2789026)
Maybe I've become internet tone-deaf. I can't tell whether or not you're serious.


Jae Onasi 08-24-2011 12:43 AM

^^^ LOL this!

Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?

Groovy clearly needs a vacation from the kids at work. ;P

mimartin 08-24-2011 12:50 AM

Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?

Jae Onasi 08-24-2011 12:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mimartin (Post 2789102)
Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?

I would like him to
a. shoot a flamethrower up the butts of people who drive slow in the fast lane and won't move over,
and,
b. cut the balls off the people who cut you off without even using a turn signal for warning while driving 85 down the interstate, only to get off at the next exit.

Lynk Former 08-24-2011 12:56 AM

Psh, why not just make cars obsolete and have everyone fly everywhere with the power of their mind.

Jae Onasi 08-24-2011 01:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynk Former (Post 2789105)
Psh, why not just make cars obsolete and have everyone fly everywhere with the power of their mind.

Well, if you're high, could you be sure how high you were really flying then? It might give a new thrill to bumper cars, however.

Lynk Former 08-24-2011 01:22 AM

Well if you're going to be the master of the universe, you may as well bend reality to your will.

Liverandbacon 08-24-2011 01:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jae Onasi (Post 2789103)
a. shoot a flamethrower up the butts of people who drive slow in the fast lane and won't move over.

Maybe it's just because I've had a bad drive today, but that sounds pretty reasonable to me. Though for me, it's not as much the speed itself as the speed relative to the cars to their right. Go 55, but pass people at a reasonable pace, and we're good. Go 80, but gain ground vs. the other cars at a painfully slow rate? Flamethrower time. Not up the butt though; I try to keep my violence as non-homoerotic as possible.

South Africa is ahead of the curve on this one: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/232777.stm

Astor 08-24-2011 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jae Onasi (Post 2789101)
Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?

So not to ensure they can call in case of emergencies, then? :p

Jae Onasi 08-24-2011 04:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Astor (Post 2789205)
So not to ensure they can call in case of emergencies, then? :p

That's a good backup use, especially if his emergency is telling me that he's now chatting with Nichelle Nichols at the next Star Trek convention.

purifier 08-24-2011 04:56 PM

Quote:

When I become Master of the Universe...
Wait! Hold on! I've seen this before...I think they call it "Skeletor Syndrome"

http://www.lucasforums.com/picture.p...pictureid=8453

Darth Groovy 08-24-2011 11:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jae Onasi (Post 2789101)
^^^ LOL this!

Hey--I want my teenager to have a cell phone. How else am I going to totally geek out and send him a text message in the middle of a Star Trek convention while he sits right next to me?

Groovy clearly needs a vacation from the kids at work. ;P

It's cool Jae Jae! I was prepared for this answer, and I thought this out before I came up with by diabolical plan!

http://www.walmart.com/ip/Motorola-M...Alert/10913179

Two way radios! Up to 23 miles! 22 Channels, 121 privacy codes, and NOAA weather alert! Best part? No data plan necessary! If your kid gets away further than 23 miles....well...that is your problem!


Quote:

Originally Posted by mimartin (Post 2789102)
Groovy when you are Master of the Universe can you also do something about the idiots that get in the drive-through lane at the bank before filling out their deposit slip? Nothing drastic perhaps cutting off a finger or two?

Done! Grocery stores have a "20 Items or less" lane. Should not be a problem for banks to have a "I already got my **** together" lane. Anybody not prepared....drive through and get in the other lane, or risk being shot on site!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lynk Former (Post 2789111)
Well if you're going to be the master of the universe, you may as well bend reality to your will.

Well if I could augment reality, there would be no need for me to be master of the universe. That would be fine by me actually. Cuts down on my workload. Until then, let's be realistic here! :p

Lynk Former 08-25-2011 03:41 AM

:carms: Not much of a master of the universe if you can't change reality to your will... what you're describing is more like some kind of absolute dictatorship of a country :p

Sabretooth 08-25-2011 04:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Groovy (Post 2788923)
1. You must obtain a license to have children.

I live in a predominately catholic town, and I am witnessing too many people having too many kids with not one single clue as to how to raise them or feed them. I have had enough.

You may not have any children before the age of 18, and you may not have any children without completing a 4 year program of education followed by a license to bear children. AND, once you obtain a license, you may only have enough kids that your income can afford. Should you get promoted, or get a better job, you can re-apply and be approved to have more. The program consists of basic child care knowledge, to education, discipline, and ultimately how to help them succeed in life.

Too many people are also misusing free speech! I propose nobody be granted free speech until they complete a 4 year course, an extra 2 year course and then a PhD on free speech. And even then, they only be allowed to say what the Supreme Leader has approved on the Supreme Table of Speakable Free Sentences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Groovy (Post 2788923)
2. Telephones

Ever played the game Metal Gear Solid 4? Remember when Solid Snake cannot use any weapons until he get's DNA encoded? The same thing will become of all telephones, cell phones...etc. Kids have no damn business with any phone until they reach a certain age. This will eliminate stupid prank phone calls, and worthless phone bills! No kid before the age of 17 has real reason to have a phone. Any abuse of a phone after that age, the DNA code is revoked.

Damn right, if they're getting raped by drunk hobos, they have no right to call 911. :mad:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Groovy (Post 2788923)
3. Homeless and Illegal Immigrants.

Reality TV. Give them an option. Either get deported, or "Fight for your freedom" on prime time, or Pay per view! I am sure Bob Barker, and John Madden would come out of retirement to host THIS event! Let them fight the worlds worst criminals to the death for a citizenship! You could get mighty creative on this one! And to quote George Carlin...you use the funds to balance the stupid budget!

Yeah, deport all the Europeans from America!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Groovy (Post 2788923)
4. Drugs.

Legalize weed, opium...and anything that grows naturally. Have it in designated areas. Amsterdam does it! Is it any worse than going to a bar and having too many drinks and driving home? Think of what this could do for the economy? And while you are at it...let people smoke for god's sake. It's ok to let people drink, and drink, and drink, but if they light up a smoke...oh god...that's cancer?! Any body else see the irony in this? It's cool, let the bars make that choice.

legal opium lol

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darth Groovy (Post 2788923)
6. Pull our troops out of the middle east.

We had no idea how to fix this mess before we got into it. We do not have the ability to fix it. I say, let the mafia go over there, open a few casinos and install what ever crappy government they see fit. Would it be any worse than it is now? Get our people out of there. Leave it alone!

Yeah, just hand it over to the damn mafia. I mean, what's the worst that could happen, right?
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