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-   -   Fic: A Debt Unpaid: Prolouge to Echo of the Force (http://www.lucasforums.com/showthread.php?t=209678)

Ferc Kast 03-05-2012 09:36 PM

A Debt Unpaid: Prolouge to Echo of the Force
 
[Onderon, evening]
Thunder crashes could be heard throughout the street, while rain poured down. In a corner, a pair stood in the pouring rain: a Rodian and a female human. Kira Sadow, the female human, showed no sign of reaction to the rain. Kira’s brunette hair, forest green eyes, commoner clothing and open jacket attracted little attention from anyone else on the street. The green Rodian, however, looked in every direction quickly before continuing their conversation.

"Is it safe; are they gone?" the Rodian asked Kira.
"They are gone, for now." Kira replied, after a quick glance around. "Now, complete your deal; The Hutt wants it delivered quickly."
"Very well, human. Here it is." the Rodian said, handing a small crystal to Kira.

She put it inside her jacket and turned to go to her ship.

"Wait, human;" the Rodian cried, blocking her path. "There’s something else you need."

The Rodian extended a datapad in his hand toward her.

"What's this?"
"Information about what really happened to him."
"Is he alive, then?" she hastily asked.
"I've said too much already; just read the datapad. All will be explained."

Kira took the datapad with some hesitation, stashing it too inside her jacket, and sprinted to the landing pad. Reaching the landing pad, she quickly scanned the area. Finding herself alone, with her heart beating rapidly, she took out the datapad and eagerly read it.

Sylthar 03-05-2012 09:55 PM

Hm. Interesting. Incredibly short however. :xp: I think you should flesh it out a little more, also this is just my personal preference but I think past tense works better than present tense.

Ferc Kast 03-05-2012 10:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ziost (Post 2806676)
Hm. Interesting. Incredibly short however. :xp: I think you should flesh it out a little more, also this is just my personal preference but I think past tense works better than present tense.

Forgot to mention that it was just the beginning of the prolouge; so, there will be more added to the prologue before it's finished. (Although, it's technically more of an expanded back story for Kira Sadow, a party member in my WIP mod Echo of the Force, than a direct prologue to my mod.) As far as tense, I just noticed I changed tense a few times. :p I'll probably fix it on Wednesday, but I just wanted to at least get that part posted. :)

MsFicwriter 03-05-2012 10:03 PM

I also believe that even for a prologue, this is entirely too short. By the way, is Kira any relation to Naga Sadow? I guess I'll have to wait and see, but the surname caught my eye.

My score: 5/10 (5 points deducted for the AWFUL BREVITY of this potentially great piece)

Sylthar 03-05-2012 10:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferc Kast (Post 2806678)
That's just the beginning; so, there will be more to the story. As far as tense, I just noticed I changed tense a few times. :p I'll probably fix it on Wednesday, but I just wanted to at least get that part posted. :)

Well yes, but it's still incredibly short, even for a prologue. :p

Ferc Kast 03-05-2012 10:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ziost (Post 2806680)
Well yes, but it's still incredibly short, even for a prologue. :p

I meant that it was an introduction to the prolouge. ;)


Quote:

Originally Posted by MsFicwriter (Post 2806679)
I also believe that even for a prologue, this is entirely too short. By the way, is Kira any relation to Naga Sadow? I guess I'll have to wait and see, but the surname caught my eye.

My score: 5/10 (5 points deducted for the AWFUL BREVITY of this potentially great piece)

As I said above, it's just the introduction to the prologue. So, it will be longer before the entire prologue is done. Also, Kira is no related to Naga Sadow. (I only realized months after initially creating Kira that it was the same surname. :p)

Sylthar 03-05-2012 10:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ferc Kast (Post 2806681)
I meant that it was an introduction to the prolouge. ;)

Oooooh. Okay. That makes sense then. Sometimes I'm just silly, especially when I'm sleepy. :rolleyes:

machievelli 03-07-2012 07:17 PM

read

machievelli 03-07-2012 07:25 PM

read

Ferc Kast 03-10-2012 07:46 PM

Chapter 1
 
[Tatooine, midnight]
After a typical week followed the conversation between the Rodian and Kira, she found herself unable to sleep. How could I sleep, especially after reading that datapad? She wondered. Just then, she thought she heard someone walking toward her door. Using only minimal movements, as to avoid being heard, she snatched her blaster from its holster lying beside the bed.

Just then, the footsteps stopped feet away from her door. She then saw a circle being sliced around the metal door. She closed her eyes. Not a Jedi; not now, please. Kira desperately thought to herself, while pretending to be asleep. The door was pushed open, but quiet enough only she and the intruder could hear it.

“Get up and drop the blaster.” the intruder demanded, aiming a pair of heavy blasters at her.

She opened her eyes, though she was hesitant to drop the blaster.

“Do you wish to endanger yourself with the wrath of the Exchange?” Kira boldly asked.
“Smugglers are expendable to them; so, you are full of empty threats.” the man corrected.

Kira almost responded, but stopped herself when she realized that this man had a point. With no other logical choice, she put her blaster on the ground slowly.

“I’m glad to see that you're smarter than most with whom I have to deal.” the man said.

He put binders on her hands, and led her to his ship. After they boarded it, he punched in the hyperspace coordinates for Nar Shaddaa. With the ship en route, he decided it was time to check on his "passenger". He found her struggling to get her binders off.

“That won’t do you any good, especially since the ship is in hyperspace currently.” he informed Kira.
“Who are you? Where are you taking me, and why?” Kira demanded, disregarding the binders for the moment.
“All good questions; let’s just say that you’ve attracted the wrong attention.” he answered. “As for my name, if you must know, it is Junn Khan.”
“I’ve heard that name before.”
“With good reason.” Khan replied. “Is there more I could do for you before we arrive?”

After no response, Khan left with the hood of his cloak lowered, revealing Mandalorian armor. Kira noted that quickly. Junn Khan: Why do I know that name? Wait a second; isn’t he an ex-Jedi? Kira thought to herself. Yes, I am. Kira heard inside her head.
[Nar Shaddaa, sunrise]
“I’m at the rendezvous point with the girl; when will you arrive?” Khan said into a comlink.
“Soon enough.” came the reply, in Huttese.

Within minutes, a Hutt and his bodyguards arrived. He motioned one guard to grab Kira; Khan grabbed the guard’s arm before he could.

“You said that she was to remain free. Do I need to inform the Jedi that you’re breaking the law?” Khan questioned.
“I don’t answer to Jedi or any ex-Jedi.” the Hutt insisted.

Khan took his cyan lightsaber, after letting go of the guard. He held the blade against the Hutt’s jaw.

“You were saying?” He sarcastically asked.
“Fine; Keep the girl, but know that the bounty is still live on her.” The Hutt said.

Khan took Kira out of the guard’s grip and glared at the Hutt, until the Hutt left.

“Care to explain what just happened?” Kira asked, as Khan put his lightsaber away.
“You weren’t supposed to get that datapad. The Hutt already had the Rodian killed; you, however, were supposed to go free after I paid off the Hutt.” Khan said, with a deep sigh.
“What happens now?” she hesitantly asked.
“I will accompany you where the Hutt won’t find you. Before then, there’s something I want to show you.”

He walked her over to his ship, and motioned her to kneel on the ground. She, starting to trust him, complied. He used his connection to the Force, and showed Kira it in her head. She began to feel the Force inside her, while hearing all the voices on Nar Shaddaa.

“What…what are you doing?!” she cried.
“I am providing you protection from the Hutt.” Khan said. “But, no one can know I taught you; especially the Jedi.”


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