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Old 05-13-2003, 08:42 PM   #1
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: American Hi-Fi baby!
Posts: 62
An alternate universe WWII story

This is the first part of a goofy story I'm writing. The two main Characters are:
Jonny Zero: A suave ace pilot/soldier/secret agent who is recruited by Franklin D. Roosevelt to spearhead a new WWII


Buckaroo Baron:A mute, musclebound, Navajo Indian War Chief with an outstanding IQ with a stone cold personality (no, not that Stone Cold)

And now it begins:

Dec. 7, 1941- The Day of Infamy: In a surprise attack, the Japanese bomb Pearl Harbor and successfully destroy the military base there. President Franklin Roosevelt enters the US into WWII.

June 6, 1944- D-day: Part of Operation: Overlord= the plan to take Germany. Allied forces storm Normandy beach. The mission was successful, Normandy was secured. Allied forces tore through the Axis powers and eventually take Germany.

The following takes place between these two events. It details the first secret operation to secure Nazi Germany.

************************************************** ************************************************** **
May 6, 1943

(In the president's war room)

FDR= Our Intelligence reports that now is the time to strike back at those commie bastards! After the bombing of Pearl Harbor, we bombed Tokyo. We've helped our Allies on the Southern front in Operation: Torch and Operation: Avalanche, is time for the operation to take Germany.

Secretary of Defense= Sounds good, sir. Explain this operation.

FDR= It's the operation to take Germany.

Secretary of Defense= Yes, sir. But could you please explain this operation.

FDR= I think its pretty damn self-explanatory!

Secretary of Defense= Oh...heh bad.

FDR= This operation will be top secret. I have codenamed this...Operation: Long Johnson.

(The Govt. geeks are sitting awed around the table. There is a large silence, only broken up by small bits of giggling)

FDR= Long Johnson is going to be a HUGE operation.(more giggling) Larger than the world has ever seen! (more giggling)

FDR= We're going to hit Germany fast and hard!!! (the giggling has increased to laughter) On ALL SIDES!!! (the laughter has increased to hysterical laughter)

(The guy laughing his ass off falls out of his chair and starts rolling around in pain)

FDR= Hey, get this man up! (Some guys pick him back up and put him in his chair) Now what is so damn funny, boy?

Jonny Zero= I'm sorry, but it's impossible not to laugh.

FDR= Impossible?! Don't tell me what is "impossible"!!

(FDR attempts to stand up. Just as he is about to get there, he topples over)

FDR= hmmm...found my keys. Could someone help me up?

(After the prez is helped up, he notices the distinct appearances of the young man in front of him. The young man is tall, strong, dressed in a bomber's jacket and with brown hair slicked back)

FDR= Your not part of the cabinet. You must be the Agent in charge of Operation: Long Johnson.

Jonny Zero= Yeah. (Then with suaveness that could make James Bond wet his pants) I'm Zero, Jonny Zero.

FDR= Ah yes, Mr. Zero. I hear you have a partner with you.

(A musclebound Navajo Indian walks into the room. He looks in his early 50s, with a face that could be cut from stone. He actually looks like Chief Joseph, y'know, "Trail of Tears", the famous picture...nevermind)

Jonny Zero= His name is Buckaroo Baron. He's mute, but incredibly smart.

FDR= Good. You two will be (elaborating with his hands) the defining "package" of the Long Johnson. (Zero giggles a bit. Baron's face is still stone cold)

FDR= If this operation goes well, the Long Johnson will be invading the Fatherland by next week. (Zero loses all control and laughs hysterically)

FDR= What? What did I say?

Jonny Zero= (regaining composure) Nothing,sir!

Secretary of Defense= Mr. President, this operation really excites me. (Zero giggles again) With all this "action" going on, the driving "force" of Operation: Long Johnson will be too powerful to stop.(Zero starts laughing again)

FDR= Dammit, man!! What the hell is it?!

Jonny Zero= Mr. President, could you just tell us what we're supposed to do.

FDR= You and your partner will travel by walrus to Austria-Hungary and meet your contact at a restaurant called "Vin Schooter up ze hiezen". He will give you more information there.

Jonny Zero= Did you say walrus, sir?

FDR= Yeah, travel by walrus.

Jonny Zero= er...are you pronouncing that right?

FDR= Oh, I mean truck. I sometimes mix up letters. It's no problem.

Jonny Zero= How does "walrus" become "truck"???

FDR= Enough questions, boy! You must meet your contact.

Jonny Zero= What's the contact's name?

FDR= Colonel Farfenugen.

Jonny Zero= Doogie Howser??

FDR= No, it's Farfenugen.

Jonny Zero= Farfen...


Jonny Zero= Ooooh...heh heh, I got it now. I better write this stuff down.

(And so the mission begins. The two man team of Operation: Long Johnson travels by walrus...oops, I mean Austria-Hungary. After several hours of trying to figure out which side of the road to drive on, they reach the restaurant,"Vin Schooter up ze hiezen" where they meet their contact, Colonel Farfenugen)

Jonny Zero= Aha! You must be Colonel Farts-n-Nuggets!

Colonel Farfenugen= (In a cold, flat, British accent) No, it's Farfenugen.

Jonny Zero= Yeah, yeah. I'm...Zero, Johnny Zero. (All the women in the vicinity faint) And this is my partner, Buckaroo Baron.

Buckaroo Baron= ...

Colonel Farfenugen= I've read about this indians. Jolly ol' chaps they say. (holds up his hand in the stereotypical Indian fashion) How!

(Buckaroo Baron looks at Farfenugen for a second as if to say "**** you". Then he raises his hand up in the same fashion, but then he immediately turns his hand around and gives Farfenugen the finger)

Buckaroo Baron= **** you, whiteman!

Colonel Farfenugen= Holy ****! He speaks english!

Jonny Zero= Really?? Nah, your just pulling my leg. This indian hasn't spoken a word since I met him. He's mute.

Colonel Farfenugen= I heard him! He said some vulgar words to me.

Jonny Zero= Stop lying, Colonel Barfing-nude!

Colonel Farfenugen= It's Farfenugen!!! Far-fe-nugen!!!! MY NAME IS FAR-FE-NUGEN!!!!!

That's all I have so far. Please give some feedback on this, thanks.

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