If no one else tries, I'll have a go.
1. You have MOUSY BROWN HAIR
2. You have GREEN EYES
3. You wear flight goggles everywhere
4. You are 5'6"
5. You've been trying very hard not to refer to your stature at all.
6. You weigh 120 lbs.
7. You have never given a damn about anything
8. You do not like to wear shirts
9. You favor khaki shorts
10. You like black jeans but boy are they ugly. Get some new ones.
11. You are guy who was a girl who was a guy. No, just a guy.
12. I actually don't know how old you are. 5?
Oh my, I hope you aren't what I just said you are. Otherwise you are VERY strange looking.
The man who hesitates goes home with jack. And his kids hate him.