The Summers Unanswered Questions.
Being a big fan of Empire magazine, I recently came across this little competition in their latest magazine which seemed like quite fun to do and I thought would be fun for us. Basically, it’s about all the plot holes in this summers major movies. You’re meant to answer questions about the plot holes in the most humorous/clever/original way possible.
So here we go.
Warning, major movie spoilers ahead.
The Matrix Reloaded
1. If the architect is so damn clever and The Matrix is so damn difficult to control, why haven’t the machines investigated alternative power sources?
2. If Neo is actually the sixth person to be The One, shouldn’t we start calling him ‘The Sixth’
3. If Neo and trinity are all weak and plug-ridden in the real world, but sexy and super-powered in the better and life Matrix, why on earth do they wait to get to Zion for a shag?
4. If neo can fly, why does he fight 100 Agent Smiths instead of just buggering off upwards?
5. And aren’t the Twins just the ghostly reincarnation of Milli Vanilli?
Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle
6. Just what did Ashton Kutcher say to Bruce Willis at the LA premier of Charlie’s angels: Full Throttle?
7. When he’s a baby and gets the arse, Bruce Banner goes a ‘bit green’. Was this verdant vision a one off? Did no one notice the odd green phase, or was he just extremely calm for the next 200-odd years?
8. We all know that nobody likes him when he’s angry, so why did the army stick Banner in an enclosed space (now featuring dangerous electric cable!) with the psychotic father who killed his mother?
9.If the army has no qualms about killing the Hulk when he is invulnerable, why doesn’t General Ross just have Bruce Banner summarily executed in his vulnerable form?
10. Once much loved and tipped for the top, now they seem to have disappeared. What happened to Jennifer Connelly’s knockers?
11. Oh, and one last thing, why didn’t anything happen in the first 45 minutes?
Pirates of the Caribbean
12. The pirates aboard the Black Pearl say they drowned Bootstrap Bill, but they are able to walk underwater without and problems – so how did Bootstrap Bill manage to drown?
13. And wouldn’t Will’s dad come back to life at the bottom of the ocean at the end of the film, only to drown immediately
14. If by stealing one of those golden coins, you’re damned into being undead, shouldn’t Elizabeth Swann be a zombie, thanks to her theft of the coin necklace from Will Turner at the start of the movie?
15. After the success of Pirates, how will Disney ever be able to condense such a rich story and character elements into an 11-minute theme park ride?
16. If Jack sparrow is based on Keith Richards, just how long have the Rolling Stones been going?
2 Fast 2 Furious
17. Are they going to call the third movie 2 Fast 2 Furious 2?
18. In the Terminator Movies, why doesn’t Skynet just send back an army of bad Terminator?
19. Or, if it’s all about time travel, why didn’t Skynet just send the T-X back first?
20. Forget the morphing powers of the Terminatrix-how the hell did those meddling kids walk right into a secret military complex?
21. If Skynet is roundly defeated in the future, how can it build better Terminators?
22. just what were the women in the strip bar staring at in Arnie’s Crotch area – are these robots anatomically perfect?
Lara Croft: the Cradle of Life.
23. Why, when visiting a maximum security prison, does Lara sport a fur coat that has just come off the Paris catwalk?
24. If the orb/map thingie leads to the ultimate biological terror, why doesn’t Lara just smash it with a hammer?
25. And why, when the map finally gives up its secrets, does it look like and African Wildlife special? Couldn’t Lara have just watch the Discover Channel?
26. If Pandora’s Box has been floating on the oil for aeons, how come it sinks like a stone at the end of the movie?
27. Who the hell told Lara to ditch the shorts?
28. Detective Joe gavilan sells real estate ‘on the side’ in a market that’s growing at 20 percent every year-so why the hell is he still a cop?
29. If the X-men had moved to the other side of the dam during the climactic escape, wouldn’t the threat of drowning have disappeared?
30. Did James Marsden piss off Director Bryan Singer, or is Cyclops just useless?
31. If Wolverine had walked so far to find his birth-lab at Alkai lake, why not check downstairs before heading home?
32. Why didn’t Iceman not even try to freeze the water that ‘drowns’ Jean Grey?
33. And just where was Jean Grey when the cool names were being handed out?
Remember, even if you can think of the right answer, we want the most humerous here. Just to make it fun. Go!