Once, I offered this polish girl who'd missed her bus a lift. I said if she waited a while, my mom was picking me up and she'd give her a lift.
My mother was an hour late.
Here's what she said when she picked me up.
"Jesus ****ing hell whore christ, I'm sorry I'm so ****ing late, the ****ing traffic was something else, all up the Cork ****ING road, an inch a ****ing hour, and then there's cops up here doing speed checks and that really ****ing pisses me off that rather than directing traffic on the ****ing cork road the bastard whores are here SLOWING IT ****ING DOWN AGAIN I mean jesus christ, ****, literally, ****, I hate the bastards, and the ****ing traffic, it's appalling, I ****ing hate this country well the road system, it's so ****ing RIDICULOUS I nearly went INSANE in the ****ing traffic, **** ****ing ****!!! Hi, my name is Ade, what's yours?"
Also by my mother...
"Guybrush... guybrush... hm, is that a french name? I think it's a french name, sweety. It's pronounced 'gay brush'"
"Tim Schafer and Dave Grossman. Hm. I wonder if they got on well. You know, after the world war and everything."
You might recognise me.