The idea is good, but you need to provide more details. Telling what happens isn't enough. You need to tell the reader how it happens, and you need to show the reader why it happens.
Paint the picture. Describe the appearence of the planets and stars, the ships and characters, describe how the characters move, how they speak, how they feel, what they see.
You probably have the whole picture in your head. But I'm no mind reader.
Oh, and kill the net-spelling.
Anyway that's my .02€