The plot points I gave you were ripped from an unfinished story of mine. I just adapted it to fit your Datooine thing. Do what you want with it. Kill Doman or don't. Your characters, your story
I like it so far. It's short and simple. I usually end up going on and on over nothing and it bores the readers. I only feel comfortable writing dialogue and a basic story and not the setting and descriptions of stuff. Your dialogue's a tad dry but at least you have dialogue. You need them to have more words and give them some actual character. What they say and do makes or breaks a good story.
I wrote a short screenplay for school (I posted it here a couple days ago). If you like that, I suppose I can contribute some more stuff to this project of yours if you want but not at the moment. I can do it later if you'd like.