Thread: A Jedi Story
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Old 08-23-2004, 06:30 AM   #11
@Black Knight of Keno
Words. Words everywhere.
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Bergen, Norway
Posts: 3,915
First time I read this, and not even the beginning yet, but I noticed something. You say in the first chapter, when you arrive on Tatooine,, that the troopers come to check your business.
1. The mind trick goes like the troopers say it. You just influence their words, not command them with the jedi mind trick
2. The other troopers would be influenced too, in that situation

More care into the writing. You shall be good in writing soon enought

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