First time I read this, and not even the beginning yet, but I noticed something. You say in the first chapter, when you arrive on Tatooine,, that the troopers come to check your business.
1. The mind trick goes like the troopers say it. You just influence their words, not command them with the jedi mind trick
2. The other troopers would be influenced too, in that situation
More care into the writing. You shall be good in writing soon enought
"Our posturings, our imagined self-importance,
the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe,
are challenged by this point of pale light.
Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark.
In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves."
- Carl Sagan