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Old 09-03-2004, 11:44 AM   #8
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: just past the pot o' gold
Posts: 7,439
Current Game: TrackMania Nations
Roleplayer Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
Just a few suggestions. Try to make the chapters a little longer. Give us more to read while you're writing the next part. It's more interesting and less frustrating that way.

Also try giving a little more detail, what the Jedi look like, what the room they are in looks like. You can start with this man you have just introduced. Describe him, give us a mental picture of what he looks like. It makes the story more meaningful.

Nice work so far. I look forward to more.


Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

Have a read, give a review, yah?
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