Personally, I think you both make really good arguments. Everyone has a different idea of what's "fair". However everyone believes SOMETHING is fair. (I DON'T believe that "truth is relative". I DO believe in absolute truth, but "fairness" I find kind of vague.) In this thread one person believes that the only way fairness is an issue is if cheat mods are used. The other has a more strict view.
I've only ever played multi with friends on my local network, but we have a kind of in-between view. We all like things to be a little more orderly, so if someone has their lightsaber off, then you don't attack them. That was about the only rule, and how it was "enforced" was if someon DID break this "untyped rule" then it made the rest of us mad, and the game quikly became "all against one"!
I kind of like the idea of labels just a little, because I can see good to both sides. The strict side is orderly and is more relaxing. The other side is fast paced and exciting. I don't see anything "wimpy" or "under-handed" about either, as long as people entering the game understand what the local agreement is on what's "fair". What's wrong about having both types?
Thanks for listening,