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Old 11-26-2004, 08:31 AM   #2
Not switching to DTV
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: just past the pot o' gold
Posts: 7,439
Current Game: TrackMania Nations
10 year veteran!  Roleplayer  Contest winner - Fan Fiction 
There were a couple of things I noticed here:

Chapter length is pretty good.

Problems I see:

A crew would not simply be picked at last second. They'd have been picked months, even a year or two in advance. They'd have gone through major training, working together and separately. Through this training, they'd get to know each other very well.

In a launch such as this, they'd have a designated launch time, not just sort of 'whenever you feel like it'. The people on the shuttle typically wouldn't have control of the shuttle until it was in space. If I'm thinking correctly, the launch is initiated by people on the ground.

Other than this, it's a pretty good start. You have the potential to be a pretty good storyteller... if you get the details right.

Mom tells me I need brain food... but if writing ain't that, I don't know what is!

My work in progress:
Hidden Histories: The Galaxy Hacker

Have a read, give a review, yah?
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