Ok here goes
Lanzador, Alfredo Conrado
Date of Death: August 29, 2005
Time of Death: Approx. 10:00 P.M.
Location of Death: New Orleans, Louisiana
Apparently, Mr. Lanzador believed "Hurricane Katrina" was, like the British "Piano Man," a hoax, and drove his 1981 Buick Riviera hundreds of miles south to prove his point. When he arrived in the city, he found himself correct - the hurricane was, indeed, a lie fabricated by Vin Diesel as an excuse to have the entire city to himself while he went on a much needed shopping binge. Upon encountering Mr. Lanzador, Vin Diesel promptly attacked him, using martial arts skills that he developed as a peasant boy in Moscow. Lanzador managed to kill his attacker and escape, but was unaware that every star in the sky is, in actuality, a dormant Vin Diesel clone. Needless to say, a star crashed into New Orleans, and an entirely new Vin Diesel proceeded to behead Mr. Lanzador.
Reaper in Attendance: Claudia Carranza
Current Status: Legal Immigrant (green card)
Is residency required?: Yes
If so, has residency been allocated: Yes
Future Prospects: Although of almost no other use whatsoever, Lanzador can adopt an almost picture-perfect Russian accent at will. This may make him an interesting secretary.
If there's one thing you can say about mankind
There's nothing kind about men