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Old 11-16-2005, 07:38 PM   #3
Renegade Angel
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 1,160
Sorry to be a critic, but you won't get amny members here.

1) No character sheet

2) No plot line

3) No objectives

4) You should write authoritavely. Example:

Instead of saying this:
(thrusted a bolt of force lightning) come to the dark side.(more force lightning)JOIN THE DARK SIDE. you will have ultimate power.

try this:
Slane thrust a bolt of force lightning at the jedi. "Join us. Join the dark side. You will have the ultimate power." He attacked with more force lightning.


Look at the RPGs called the Phantom. I joined it because it had the best story line, a good plot, objectives, rules...
Pardon me please, lately I've been a fanfic/rpg critic.
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