I know i'm a little late in posting, but I just started visiting the Fanfic section, and writing my own story. You tell the story very well, I like your use of dialogue....keep up the good work. Two thumbs way up.
"Have you come here for answers? There are none. The call of Korriban is strong, but it is the call of the dead. It is fitting you came here."
"The failure is yours, no longer does your voice whisper within my skull, no longer do I suffer beneath teachings that weaken us, and now you run in search of the Jedi. They are all dead....save one, and one broken Jedi cannot stop the darkness that is to come."