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Old 01-07-2006, 02:38 PM   #1
Mashi An'krekku
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Posts: 738
That Psychonauts in a Nutshell Thing!

Been writing this for a while, actually. No idea why, and I want to make it into a flash cartoon. *dance* Here's Act 1!

~~~

PSYCHONAUTS: BASTARDIZED, ABRIDGED AND TOTALLY SCREWED UP
ACT 1: THE CONSPIRACY BEGINZZ!!1

OLEANDER: The brain is awesome. If you don't like it...then GO DIE! Alsothereisnolakemonster.
BOBBY: YUS THUR IZ!!1
LILI: STFU, n00b!
RAZ: OMGI'MFALLINGOUTOFATREEEEEEEEEEEE~!!!
SASHA and MILLA: *GASPPP!* *TELE-GRAB'D*
OLEANDER: REEL 'IM IN!
SASHA: It's too strong!
DOGAN: LAYKE MAWNSTAR! D:<
RAZ: [crashes into the stage] Ow.
KIDS: ...
RAZ: [is suddenly not injured] I'm not a lake monster! I am Raz, world famous detective. Except not.
EVERYONE: ...
LILI: [falls over]
EVERYONE: [stares at Lili]
SASHA, MILLA and OLEANDER: J00R NOT SUPPOZZED TO BE HEEEERRRE!!!1
RAZ: ...TOO BAD!
SASHA, MILLA and OLEANDER: ...Keke. But you have to bunk with Dogan.
RAZ: Dogan, you and I are gonna be the bestest buddies ever!
DOGAN: I love you too! <3
RAZ: oo;

TEH NEXT MORNING...

KIDS: WAYKE UP, RAZ! IT'S TYME 4 BASIK BRAININ', YO!
RAZ: KEKE!
LILI: I'm sitting in a corner so no one will notice me!
RAZ: HI LILI!
LILI: Damn it, I have been noticed.
OLEANDER: U 2 GET YER ASSES IN MAH HEAD!
KIDS: WHAT AB00T US?!
OLEANDER: I HAVE NO PLACE FOR CANADIANS!
KIDS: WE H8 U!
RAZ: Lmfao. Mental Dentist's Office.
OLEANDER: YOU, RUN TEH COURSE!
RAZ: KEKE! [runs course saying "kekekekekekekekekeke~!" the whole time]
OLEANDER: j00r more awesome that you say you are! ...Alsothere'snothingimportantinthatwhiteroomexcep tmyplansto- and here's your Basic Braining badge!
RAZ: BADGE GET!
BOBBY: I'M GUNNA KEEL YOU, GOGGALICIOUS.
RAZ: OHNOES. :O
LILI: HEY LOOK EVERYONE, IT'S SASHA NEIN!
SASHA: [beams]
BOBBY: IWAZNTDOINANYTHING! [runs away]
SASHA: Here, Razputin. Have a button and something irrelevant to think about: ISOLAATIOOOOON. :D
RAZ: Irrelevance is awesome. I'm gonna go now. [walking through the woods] Doo deet doo doo.
LILI: HELL-O, SEX MUFFIN! :x
RAZ: OOC much?
LILI: Oh. Um. HELL-O TREESITTER! :/
RAZ: What the hell's a treesitter?
LILI: I have no idea.
RAZ: ...I'm gonna go now. KEKE?
LILI: KEKE.
RAZ: Doo deet doo doo!
SASHA: Razputin, I'm glad you made it.
RAZ: 7h47'z b3c4uz3 1'm t3h 4w3s0m3, y0!
SASHA: ...Never do that again.
RAZ: KEKE. So what are we going to do?
SASHA: We're going to use the Brain Tumbler for no specific reason.
RAZ: KEWL!
SASHA: [slaps the brain tumbler over Raz's head] BEGIN TUMBLING SEQUENCE.
RAZ: Wheee. [stuff happens]
SASHA: Now what do you see?
RAZ: A STUPID GYPSY CARAVAN. [kicks it]
SASHA: GO IN IT, YOU N00B.
RAZ: Oh. [does so] THERE'S REALLY BAD RECEPTION IN HERE! I WANTED TO WATCH AVATAR! [goes berserk and ends up in a giant broken eggshell] ...HEY LOOK A BUNNY.
BUNNY: FOLLOW ME AND MY TRAIL OF LOVY-DOVY HEARTS!
RAZ: LOVY-DOVY! CHAAAAAAAASE!
GLOWY-EYED FISH THING: RWARR! I AM EVIL!
RAZ: AN EVIL DEMON FISH! AHHHHH!!!
SASHA: HAAGN NO! :/
RAZ: *poof!* WHAT THE **** WAS THAT, MAN?!
SASHA: RUHE BITTE! I'm figuring that out. Give me some time...give me some space...how you reacted was right.
RAZ: Stop making Bjork references.

TWO HOURS L8R!

SASHA: Wanna learn how to shoot PSI blasts?
RAZ: TOTALLY!
SASHA: Well, too bad! You have to get a Marksmanship Liscence from Cruller, and he'll never give one to you. EVUR!
RAZ: [brandishes liscence] SHOWS WHAT YOU KNOW!
SASHA: :O Get inside.
RAZ: KEKE.
SASHA: I'll start you off soft, because slow and steady blah blahblahblah. [walks away]
RAZ: Screw that. [sets dial to DEATH]
SASHA: RAZPUTIN, NOOOOO!
RAZ: YAAAY!
HAWAIIAN DUDE: Flood o' Censors!
CENSORS: WE H8 RAZ!
RAZ: WITTY BANTER! [fighting stuff, plays ping pong with censor and wins] I WIN, BIOTCH!
PING PONG CENSOR: Nooooo. [dies]
SASHA: Look! It's the Mega Censor!
MEGA CENSOR: RWAGRRRGGG!!!1 [stamps Sasha]
SASHA: Owwie.
RAZ: Don't worry, Sasha. I'll save you. [stares at his ping pong paddle and decides to throw it at the Mega Censor's open scab]
MEGA CENSOR: Eh? [notices pink pong paddle] AAAHHHHHHRRRRGGGGGGG! [dies]
SASHA and RAZ: YAY!
RAZ: BADGE GET! <3
SASHA: Wanna do the Brain Tumbler again?
RAZ: Sure.

SO MORE BRAIN TUMBLING WAS DONE.

RAZ: BUNNY CHASE!
BUNNY: HOORAY!
RAZ: DEMON FISH KILL!
DEMON FISH: BOORAY.
RAZ: TOWER CLI- whatdehelizat?
DEHELIZAT: Punch me and I'll do things that make you float higher!
RAZ: FLOAT?!
SASHA: Didn't you learn levitation yet?
RAZ: Noooooo.
SASHA: Go see Milla and she'll teach you things.
RAZ: KEKE! [Raz walks to the lake, saying "kekekekekekekeke~!" the whole way there]
LILI: Hey, Raz!
RAZ: HI!
LILI: I made j00 sum-
RAZ: OKAY, so some odd minutes ago, I had this vision that no one saw part of because Mashi decided I should just tell you so that everyone knows that I followed this bunny and I killed a demon fish and ended up at the creepy tower of thorns and I heard Dogan cry "WA-GWAHH!" and this dude with a shower cap and a claw was all "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" and then Sasha was all "GO LEARN LEVITATION" and on my way here Dogan came out of the lake and he was all "LOL, HACKYSACK!"
LILI: So he likes hacksack. Big deal.
RAZ: Also he had no brain. I think the shower cap dude took it out.
LILI: OHEMGEE. I JUST REALIZED I HAD THE SAME VISION.
RAZ: ...I love you.
LILI: NOT YET. GOD. D:<
RAZ: Oh. :C
LILI: Anyways, I says we rendevous back here tonight. I'm going to go jump in this boat and go away now. [does actiony jumping-in-boat sequence]
RAZ: Have fun.
MILLA: So did you come to learn levitation, Razputin?
RAZ: What else could I do in the middle of the lake with you?
MILLA: You could...not learn levitation? O_<;
RAZ: I'll go for the former. :/
MILLA: Good choice!
RAZ: YAAAY! I'M GONNA GET EATED!
MILLA'S PSYCHO-PORTAL: [eats Raz]
RAZ: Whaddoeyedonow?
MILLA: [disembodied and/or on TV] Well, there's several techniques we must cover, including:

Walking
Running
Bouncing
Bobbing
Weaving
Parachuting [or whatever]
Upgrades like Wrecking Ball
Stuff You Can Levitate Over
Gun Control
Etc.
Blah Blah Blah.
I'm Annoying. xD

RAZ: ...Keke.
MILLA: Soooo, go do things. I'm at the other side of here. So go find me. :3
RAZ: KEKE. [levitates everywhere saying "kekekekekekekeke~!" the whole time]
MILLA: Levitation is fun, ne?
RAZ: I think I can overcome my curse/fear of water no- [falls in water] HEEELP! I'M DROWNING!
MILLA: O_O;;;; [backs away slowly]

L8R!

MILLA: NOW IT'S TIME FOR THE RACE.
RAZ: But I'm emotionally unstable at the moment.
MILLA: Well, you can beat Bobby at this race for great justice. Take off every zig.
RAZ: Works for me.
BOBBY: I will win this race, because The All Holy Apple Pie says I will.
RAZ: DON'T LISTEN TO PASTRIES! D:<
MILLA: Okay, fire the ceremonial cannon when I say three! One-
CANNON: [fires]
KIDS: [race]
MILLA: Th-three? Oo;
ANNOUNCER: Aaaaand it's Raz and Bobby going past the blinking neon things of brightness and they're going at it bumper to bumper like I'm reporting the traffic. I'm not very good at this announcing thing! And now they are nearing the finish line!
PHOEBE: No, they're not!
ANNOUNCER: Oh. Well, they're still going at it, ladies and gentlemen.
PHOEBE: Who are you anyway?
ANNOUNCER: THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT. What's important now is that...Bobby is trying to kill Raz with a- with a ballpoint pen.
PHOEBE: ODD MISCHEVIOUS GREMLIN.
ANNOUNCER: OMG INDEED. But Razputin thwarts said attack with...a ping pong paddle?
PHOEBE: A FURRY KEWT HAT!
ANNOUNCER: No, a ping pong paddle.
PHOEBE: Yes, it is.
ANNOUNCER: And they're fencing with common household items whilst racing on their thought bubbles. Amazing, ladies and gentlemen.
PHOEBE: This is the greatest day in levitation racing ever.
ANNOUNCER: That's right, Leslie.
PHOEBE: It's Phoebe. Phoebe Love.
ANNOUNCER: ...Rlly?
PHOEBE: Yeah. Hey, lookie. Raz won the fight AND the race.
AUDIENCE: HUZZAH! DOUBLE POINTS FOR THE GOGGLE HEADED KID!
MILLA: And now you can levitate all you want, dahling! ^^;
RAZ: BADGE GET! :D
MILLA: Also, Cruller told me to tell you that you need to see him about...getting another badge! SO BYE NOW. *TELE-THROW!*
RAZ: [falls down a stump] Badge get again?
CRULLER: Yes it is. Here, now set stuff on fire.
RAZ: BADGE GET AGAIN!

SUDDENLY THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION THAT FLUNG RAZ INTO SASHA'S LAB SOMEHOW.

RAZ: HI SASHA! :D
SASHA: Oh, goodie. I'll turn on the brain tumbler!
RAZ: Yayayayayayayay! </billy> I'm climbing ze towah.
DOGAN: TV. [drools]
RAZ: Oh yeah, shower cap head shoved your brain down that chute over there. [points] Better go and-
LILI: ZOMG I'M IN THE OTHER ROOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAH.
RAZ: ZOMG LILI'S IN THE OTHER ROOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMAH.
LILI: THANK YOU CAPTAIN OBVIOUS!
DR. LOBOTO: AND NOW I SHALL REMOVE YOUR BRAIN, BUT FIRST WHO WANTS TEA?
LILI: ME.
DR. LOBOTO: Too bad, it's not really tea. Anything else?
LILI: Breadsticks?
DR. LOBOTO: NO.
LILI: But I like breadsticks. ;~;
DR. LOBOTO: Fine, I'll make breadsticks. But no sauce.
RAZ: NO SAUCE?!?//!!1? OUTRAGEOUS, I MUST RESCUE YOU, LILI.
LILI: I CAN'T HEAR YOU. :D LALALALA~!
RAZ: I better go save Dogan's brain now. [falls down the chute] OH MY G(OSH)!
BLUEPRINT TANK: WHIRR! [fires lazers]
RAZ: U SUK, TANK. I BAT YU. [brandishes ping pong paddle] THUNDAKATZZ!! OHH!!1
BLUEPRINT TANK: *'SPLODERZ!*
RAZ: [stares at ping pong paddle] I WIN. But what the hell was that tank for anyway? ...WAIT A FUKKON MINNIT. OL-
SASHA: Raz, I have to leave on official Psychonauts business!
RAZ: Can I tell you something first?
SASHA: NO. D:< [leaves]
RAZ: ... [notices Sasha forgot his Psycho-portal] You forgot your Psycho-portal! ...That's mine now. I better stick it in my backpack so I don't lose it. [does so, and finds a strip of bacon] Hey, bacon! Where did I get bacon?

RAZ IS FLASHING BACK! OHMAN.

CRULLER: I'm giving you this bacon so we can communicate with one another.
RAZ: HOW THE HELL DOES IT DO THAT?
CRULLER: ...Steam punk. Wizardry. :/

FLASHBACK NO MORES.

RAZ: Oh, yeah. I remember now. The squirrels gave it to me because I'm their god for some reason.
CRULLER: BACON?! *foam*
RAZ: Hey, Cruller. ^_^; How come you're in my head?
CRULLER: That's not important right now. You need to save Lili before she specifically gets kidnapped by a mutant lungfish.
RAZ: DUDE, YR SO CRAZY!! :D *lol, letigre rockout!*
CRULLER: JUST GO TO THE LAKE!
RAZ: ...Keke. I need to deliver this sauce to Lili anyways. She is sauceless. Breadsticks need sauce. *cry*

L8RING!

RAZ: Hi, Lili! I got you sauce for your breadsticks. It's maranaira. AND I WANT A BREADSTICK, DAMMIT.
LILI: TISSUE. (That was supposed to be an exaggerated sneeze.)
RAZ: GESUNDHEIT. Cuz, I know German.
LILI: EVERYONE DOES. ALSO, DANKE. AND NO, I DON'T HAVE BREADSTICKS. CAPSLOCKLOL.
RAZ: HEE. UR SIK. WHADDOWEDO?
LILI: Make out? :x
RAZ: Keke. Right after I give you this suspicious flower that just happend to appear by my feet two seconds ago!
LILI: Awwthx. <3
HULKING LUNGFISH: GWARRGGHH! [eats Lili and walks away]
RAZ: *sob* NOOOO! FORGIVE ME, PIZZA FORT!

TOBEY CONTINUED!

~~~

ACT 2 COMING DANGEROUSLY SOON!


Last edited by Mashi An'krekku; 03-23-2006 at 08:19 PM. Reason: { < [
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