Thread: Acceptance
View Single Post
Old 01-23-2006, 08:23 PM   #14
Char Ell
@Char Ell
Force Enlightened
Char Ell's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 2,370
Current Game: The Old Republic
LFN Staff Member  Folder extraordinaire  Forum Veteran 
I've enjoyed your story thus far, machievelli, and look forward to the next chapter or two when you're ready to post. Another great setup for a story where the plot could go either LS or DS. Will Twyna give in to her fear or will she be willing to let go of it?

I do have a nit-picky question about the table though, something that just kind of stuck out to me.
Originally Posted by machievelli "Teacher"
It had been made of local Kervorin wood, almost hard enough to be used as hull plating. The several hundred kilo table now lay in shattered pieces.
Originally Posted by machievelli "Learning"
The children grabbed the table, but it was too heavy for them to move by hand. Jaden smiled, motioning Mali to move over beside Twyna. “Now all together, lift!”
Personally, I equate several hundred kilograms to mean anywhere from 400-700. And it kind of struck me that it would still be very difficult for the three of them to move a table of that weight by hand unless they were using the Force. You do a great job in illustrating that Mali and Lyna are on one end and Jaden on the other but I'm still thinking that they have a minimum of 200 kg to lift on each side. Seems really heavy to me unless they're dragging it or using the Force to augment their strength. Like I said, real nit-picky but I just thought I'd bring it up anyway because maybe you would be interested.

Want to battle against cancer and other chronic diseases? Join Team LFN!

Char Ell is offline   you may: quote & reply,