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Old 02-17-2006, 10:47 AM   #177
machievelli
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tried putting the locations of the sites themselves in hyperlinks. Maybe it worked.

Philosophy of The Force
John Skywalker

Sequel to Adventures of John Skywalker

Not much has been done with the story yet, but it does flow readily.

Temptation Rising
Dylan Klay

Set before Star Wars: The Phantom menace, A Jedi team assisted by Rangers cover negotiations.

Kid, the only problems I saw with this were spelling, editing, and grammar. Editing is the most important because you have a number of times where the thought is not clear or the wrong word was used. You did throw me at the start when you began twice. But watching the editing showed me what you were thinking.
Very well done.

The fall of Revan
Jeremia Skywalker

Set After KOTOR I assuming a dark-side ending.
A young Jedi survives an attempt on the Star Forge and now must escape from Sith custody.

As I have told many before you, slow down. Your mind is creating images faster than you can type them and it shows in the product. I would suggest going a little retrograde. Write it down in long hand first, then transcribe it. That will cause you to A: edit as you go, and B: Reread your work so you catch obvious errors. The idea is good, but the story does not flow.
It will with work, trust me. I don’t have stories that I wrote when I was a lot younger, but I have an excellent memory and just thinking about them makes me thank the force that I learned.


Galactic Senate Coruscant Theater



Swift Squadron Series,

Commander Andersen

Adventures of a Republic Fighter squadron

The writer has the same problems a lot have had that I review, and it is that he is A: trying to visualize this like a movie and B: writing down this visual image which is happening too fast to really follow. The characters are not fleshed out, the scenes fall one after another but in a manner that makes them feel haphazard.

I made a SW story, I just wanna see if I should post

Midknight

A cloned Emperor begins a campaign of conquest.
Everything bad that can be said about this was already said by Zane Marit, who critiqued it a lot more harshly than I would have unless I had been asked.
The idea needs work, and the kid needs to remember Clark’s rule. “Never use two words when one will do’ and I leave it at that.

Otherwise, as a first attempt it isn’t too bad.

Star Wars: The Darkness Within

Darth badman

Set 8 years after the Yuuzhan Vong Crisis. An apprentice of Darth Bane returns through time to menace the New Republic.

the style stilted, and the kid doesn’t seem to know what a paragraph is.
But the idea is interesting, so I have to say all it needs is work.

From Kotorfanmedia

The Fires of the Forge
Cesar de Biscarrat

In the Interim between KOTOR I and II. The Ebon Hawk is rescued by an old friend

The story is well craft, and as one of those that gave it a thumbs up said,
‘Oh my gods! Please for the love of all thing sacred continue this, you can’t leave me hanging like that!’

KOTOR Fairy Tales: Puss in Boots
Karacat

A fairy tale using the characters of KOTOR

With a screen name like Karacat, you wouldn’t be surprised that she’d pick Puss in Boots. Having written a children’s story, I know how hard it is.
Yet she does it seamlessly right down to the interjections you would expect from an audience listening to such a story. Well worth the time to read it.

With a Kiss
Dinah Lance

A bittersweet parting between Revan and Carth.

39 readers gave this a thumbs up, and I can understand why.


'To argue with those who have renounced the use and authority of reason is as futile as to administer medicine to the dead.' Now who said that?

From the one who brought you;
What we die for...
Acceptance
KOTOR excerpts
Star Wars: The Beginning
Star Wars: Republic Dawn
Return From Exile
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