View Single Post
Old 03-09-2006, 06:16 PM   #25
Jae Onasi
Antiquis temporibus, nati tibi similes in rupibus ventosissimis exponebantur ad necem
 
Jae Onasi's Avatar
 
Status: Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 10,916
Current Game: Guild Wars 2, VtMB, TOR
Alderaan News Holopics contributor Helpful! LucasCast staff Veteran Fan Fic Author 
I liked the story and Elora's character in particular. I like the description of some of the angst the characters feel when deciding to leave the order or stay.
The only place I got briefly stuck was when you switched characters--it took me a moment to realize 'oh, that's Revan talking now, OK,' and go on.
Carth says he's a soldier in the Republic (instead of a sailor) when we begin Kotor, so I always thought of him along the lines of a Captain or Lt. Colonel. Of course, later on he's an Admiral in TSL just to make things all mixed up in the rank department, so whatever you want to call him is fine.
I really liked how you started to describe the Deralian people--very interesting.
Just keep writing about any part of the story--eventually something will unblock and it'll all come out. I don't think any of us is going to mind if you skip ahead, either.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

Read The Adventures of Jolee Bindo and see the amazing Peep Surgery
Story WIP: The Dragonfighters
My blog: Confessions of a Geeky Mom--Latest post: Security Alerts!
Love Star Trek AND gaming? Check out Lotus Fleet.

Jae Onasi is offline   you may: quote & reply,