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Old 04-11-2006, 12:45 AM   #38
Char Ell
Force Enlightened
 
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 2,368
Current Game: The Old Republic
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Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
As for the place you mentioned, congratulations! I didn't even notice that little error until you mentioned it. Have a Whatever prize. I have corrected it.
Woo-hoo! That's twice now! Does this mean I can put another line in my sig?
Two-time winner of the local curmudgeon's highly coveted "Whatever" Prize

I like how you made use of the Ebon Hawk's forward firing laser cannon in the escape from Taris. I found it disappointing that the Ebon Hawk had blaster emplacements on port and starboard sides but you never get to use them in the game.
Quote:
Originally Posted by post #35
Bastila looked back at me. “Take the upper gun turret! Keep them off us until we can leap into hyper drive!” She spun as I ran aft. “Canderous! Take the lower turret!”
More literary license here? If so I think it's highly logical as the game's portrayal of only one gun turret on the dorsal side of the Ebon Hawk seems poor to me. Why would a ship be designed such that it could only defend one side of the ship? Such a design would restrict defensive capability and make it more vulnerable in combat. I definitely give the to this little embellishment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by post #37
We came into the courtyard, and the massive Blba tree there rose ten meters over our heads.

“You there, Padawan!” A sharp voice called. I looked to the speaker She was a woman younger than Bastila. She stormed over to me glaring. “Why are you not robed? Do you mock the honored traditions of our order?” Bastila shook her head wryly and walked on, leaving me to the girl.
This passage doesn't seem right to me. To me it makes more sense to find a way to separate Bastila from Danika before they reach the courtyard. Why would Bastila simply shake her head and walk away from another Jedi who had erroneously concluded Danika was also a Jedi. I think if the encounter had happened like this Bastila would have set her straight about Danika's current Jedi status and advised the woman that she and Danika could not be deterred because they needed to meet with the Jedi Council. And then in the passage after that the woman talks like she doesn't know Bastila when Bastila had been standing right there moments before. I know you're following the general game dialogue in this but to me this situation only works if Bastila goes ahead of Danika or in some other way gets separated from Danika when Danika runs into Belaya for the first time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by machievelli
I love it. almost 50 hits in 36 hours, and NO comments.
I thought about replying before you had posted the Jedi Council chapter but I didn't want to monopolize the story's feedback. I thought it better to give others a chance to read and respond. Perhaps you should consider only posting one or two chapters a week. This would give people some time to read and digest. I've also thought that since your chapters are longer than normal some forum members might not be inclined to read so much material in one sitting. I know it took me about an hour and a half to read from the beginning again last Saturday. My thought is that perhaps not everyone is willing to invest that much time all at once.


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