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Originally Posted by cutmeister
Woo-hoo!  That's twice now! Does this mean I can put another line in my sig?
Two-time winner of the local curmudgeon's highly coveted "Whatever" Prize
This passage doesn't seem right to me. To me it makes more sense to find a way to separate Bastila from Danika before they reach the courtyard. Why would Bastila simply shake her head and walk away from another Jedi who had erroneously concluded Danika was also a Jedi. I think if the encounter had happened like this Bastila would have set her straight about Danika's current Jedi status and advised the woman that she and Danika could not be deterred because they needed to meet with the Jedi Council. And then in the passage after that the woman talks like she doesn't know Bastila when Bastila had been standing right there moments before. I know you're following the general game dialogue in this but to me this situation only works if Bastila goes ahead of Danika or in some other way gets separated from Danika when Danika runs into Belaya for the first time.
I thought about replying before you had posted the Jedi Council chapter but I didn't want to monopolize the story's feedback. I thought it better to give others a chance to read and respond. Perhaps you should consider only posting one or two chapters a week. This would give people some time to read and digest. I've also thought that since your chapters are longer than normal some forum members might not be inclined to read so much material in one sitting. I know it took me about an hour and a half to read from the beginning again last Saturday. My thought is that perhaps not everyone is willing to invest that much time all at once. |
I understand that. That is why I looked at hits as well.
As for the scene with Belaya, I looked at it this way: First, Belaya is a sanctimonious twit. She's the type that would eventually go to the dark side because of her 'holier than thou' attitude. While she speaks as if she does not know Bastila, I assumed it was more of the 'she can do something I can't and it irks me'. The reason I had Bastila go on and let Danika handle it on her own was simple...
Do you think Danika actually needed any help to set her straight?