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Old 04-28-2006, 09:35 AM   #50
Jae Onasi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cutmeister
Hmm. I guess you didn't want to just spring that on your story's readers, eh? Preparing us for an ending we might not like too much? FWIW, I really liked the ending of The Matrix: Revolutions movie, if that gives you any indication of my particular tastes. Not that you should cater to my tastes but purely for informational purposes only.
True, but I don't really see how that compares with what the Chancellor did. The Chancellor fired most of his top military leaders and then put them on trial. The only person I remember taking the fall in Bush's administration was George Tenet and considering how that came about I'm not really sure that counts as "house cleaning."
I hate death in Star Wars stories unless it's for a very, very good reason. I always view the series as nearly everyone making it out by the skin of their teeth.

Picky med detail--dislocations don't get reset, but fractures do get set. Dislocations get 'reduced'. Most laypeople say 'the doc popped it back in joint,' or 'doc put it back in its socket.' You might consider having Breia ask the Marine to put it back in its socket instead of resetting it. This might be a good place to have the Marine be a combat medic also, since most of us don't know how to reduce a dislocation correctly. If it's done wrong, it can actually cause more damage by catching some other tissues with it as it goes back in socket.

When the Chancellor sacked nearly the entire top-level brass, I got a little concerned about the Chancellor's motives--the only time I've seen a shake-up to that severe a degree is when a dictator comes to power.

Ugh. You're ending the story way too soon.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 04-28-2006 at 10:10 AM.
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