Ah, yes! Much better now that the Tomb of Naga Sadow part of the story is there!
Originally Posted by post #118
“What is this?”
“The sword of Ajunta Pall which Shaardan tried to steal from me.” I replied.
He stood, drawing the blade from its sheath. He looked at it for a long moment.
This seemed strange to me. IIRC Ajunta Pall's sword in the game was double-bladed. I reviewed the sword's description in post #116 and you don't indicate the sword is double-bladed. Not that big of a deal but I was trying to figure out how Uthar pulled a double-bladed sword out of its sheath. The way you describe how these double-bladed swords work in Star Wars: Beginnings
, where the double-bladed sword folds in half, works much better for me.
But it seems like you have made Ajunta Pall's sword a single blade instead of the double-bladed version shown in the game.
I liked most of the alterations you made to the story in Naga Sadow's tomb. The method Danika employed to eliminate the two terentatek definitely made use of available resources, turning the traps meant to kill her against the beasts of the dark side. Very ingenious. And using the keys instead of the hot and cold grenades from the game was much more realistic to me.
On a tangential note, one of the aspects of the Korriban story I had a problem with from the game was the location of its star map. It doesn't make sense to me how a 25,000 year old star map ended up inside a Sith tomb, know what I mean? In any case, I digress so back to my other thoughts on your Korriban tale.
I was disappointed in how short the confrontation between Danika and Uthar was. I expected a higher level of lightsaber combat skill from the master of the Sith academy. To have him go down in about three moves, maybe 10 seconds of combat, seemed pretty weak on his part. Perhaps you wrote it that way to facilitate Yuthura not having to actually fight Uthar but I think there were other things you could have had Danika do to Yuthura to get her out of combat. Perhaps you could have had Danika place Yuthura in a stasis field or something that would have immobilized her for a longer time and thus allowed a more challenging and time consuming fight between Danika and Uthar.
The way you had Danika relate to Yuthura about slavery made good sense to me, in essence asking Yuthura the question, "So what have you really done to help slaves since you came to the Sith?" helped her step back and review her actions and how they didn't really accomplish her goal. However I do wonder why Yuthura didn't go through the shyrack cave as Danika advised her to do and ended up going into the Sith Academy with Danika instead. Not to say that I think having Yuthura get killed in the Sith academy doesn't work for me but just that I wonder what happened to make Yuthura go with Danika instead of escaping through the shyrack cave.