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Old 05-23-2006, 12:22 AM   #149
Char Ell
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: U.S.A.
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Current Game: The Old Republic
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Excellent writing, very powerful. I found the additional detail you provide on how Revan became Danika through Bastila's intervention quite illuminating. How Danika's memories were altered as they became Revan's memories. Danika seems resigned to her death though. I guess I would be too if I had to face two of my former closest friends in mortal combat.

An observation: I notice you like to use the word "ravened" when describing the firing of cannons and firearms. I've noticed the word several times in this tale. It's a word that really stands out to me.

One question though, did you decide to add the story of how Malak lost his jaw or leave the whole thing as is?


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