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Old 06-05-2006, 01:23 AM   #130
Jae Onasi
@Jae Onasi
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Originally Posted by machievelli
When before I was posting an average of ten pages every other day, I felt like I had slacked off big time.
Your 'slacking off' gave me some much needed time to catch up. I had so many projects to do in May it wasn't funny, and I spent time with my dad after he had surgery (he's doing well now), so I didn't have time to give it the good read that I wanted to do til now.
Besides, when the muse strikes, you have to go for it.

Only a couple minor things I noted:

I got lost in one of the transitions (when you switch from the cantina scene with Lucas and Logos and go to the Star Trader) and couldn't figure out where I was at for a moment until you mentioned Dodonna's name.
Like cutmeister, I figured out the sensor range thing, but I had to read it a couple times to get it--I think if you reword that just a bit it won't be any problem at all.

The stuff I like:

The feud is hilarious. Color changing skin suits indeed.

I love Cracken's character. So delightfully 'bumbling'. You could probably create an entire series on this guy alone.

The trojan horse merchant ship was great, and yes your traps are wicked. I liked the battle scenes and the bad cop/'badder' cop thing, but then again I find criminal psychology rather interesting. The 'music in the helmet to cut boredom' thing made me laugh.

I like seeing how the pieces are coming together on the information and figuring out who's involved. If I were Lucas and felt particularly ornery, I'd plan a personal sting for my adjutant....

The only bad thing is that I have to wait for the next installment of intrigue.

From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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