There are ways to critique, and there are ways not to critique. I disagree with the style of critique that is offered on that particular forum. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar. However, that's their choice. It's also a Pokemon site and not SW--so I don't expect them to feel the same way about it as people here might.
What I'd like to see all of us do when offering a critique is to be honest but also be respectful. All of us have areas where we can improve on. We're being dishonest with ourselves if we can't admit that. All of us have strengths in our fics, too.
However, saying 'this is great!' or 'it sucks!' doesn't help much, because it doesn't address the specific good or bad things.
What parts were great? What was specifically wrong that made something bad? If you point out things to improve, also point out some things that went well. We want to keep the good stuff and change the bad stuff.
Now, we should move back on topic. No more forum-bashing, please, even if we don't agree with how they run things. If someone has a specific problem, they should take it up with the moderators (or probably in Pottsie's specific case, an admin) at that particular site rather than here. We can't do anything here about it and so let's move on to discussing this particular fic.
Pottsie, consider reading your fic out loud--I think you'll catch some of the grammar issues that way. I miss some of mine, especially repeat words, if I don't read it out loud. Feel free to revise your chapters here--I'm revising mine because some things definitely needed to be cleared up and cleaned up. You're not locked in on the chapter once you post it.
I do like how evil Malus is--keep that.