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Old 11-10-2006, 10:54 PM   #3
Digitaldreamer
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Probably the middle of nowhere
Posts: 157
Hmmm...well, this is amusing. It did seem a bit OOC though...for Oleander it's understandable, but Sasha...eh, it just doesn't seem very him. It also feels as if you really should have introduced all the campers, not just...er, five of them. If you had that and a lot more discription you'd add some length to the chapter...which would be good. Discription is your friend.

With more discription, content, and a bit more work with the characters this could be interesting, though. I'd like to see more.

...More Raz would also be awesome, yeeeess...


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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