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Old 11-11-2006, 05:33 AM   #6
drunkymonkey
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Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Newcastle, UK
Posts: 117
Quote:
Originally Posted by Digitaldreamer
Hmmm...well, this is amusing. It did seem a bit OOC though...for Oleander it's understandable, but Sasha...eh, it just doesn't seem very him. It also feels as if you really should have introduced all the campers, not just...er, five of them. If you had that and a lot more discription you'd add some length to the chapter...which would be good. Discription is your friend.

With more discription, content, and a bit more work with the characters this could be interesting, though. I'd like to see more.

...More Raz would also be awesome, yeeeess...
I'm going to introduce all the characters in later chapters. I was a bit tired at the time, so I didn't write that much. I was trying to get Sasha as a calm person, and I thought calling the children by their full names and stuff would give him that.


LeChuck>Vader.
'Nuff said.
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