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Old 11-11-2006, 02:48 PM   #10
Digitaldreamer
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Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Probably the middle of nowhere
Posts: 157
Well, your grammar's better than most, there's just some spots here and there where there should be a period instead of a comma and vice versa, nothing too bad. Also, you really should use quotation marks...I know some books use 'these' instead, but those aren't really right..."these" are what you should be using. Or at least according to every english class I've taken you should...

The main issue with your formatting is just the spacing. Generally there should be spaces between paragraphs, otherwise the story comes out as a big, hulking block of text and it's a bit of a strain on the eyes. Nothing too bad, but it can get annoying to the reader.

And yes, it's good to let the readers make up their own minds, but it's still best to at least provide them with a good bit of discription to help form an image. *nodnod*

Admittedly there's not much to fix, it's just little things and the discription. Good luck with working on these, if you fixed this up abit this fic could prove to be pretty darn good.


“Raz,” Oleander groaned. “How many times do I have to tell you? You don't have to sneak in here past security every time you come anymore! You can just come in through the gate! You know, like everyone else?”

“Oh, I know. I just like this way better.”


--Cursum Perficio, chapter two, by Digitaldreamer.
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