Skillz: After extensive training with a Ninja running for president has learned sword skillz, Has this neat shield, Can double-jump, has seen Dawn of the Dead a few times so knows how to deal with zombies, Knows Steven Segal, Can summon a dog who carries a really big gun, can draw stuff.
Weaknesses: Pirates, radioactive zombies, jerks, those little styrafoam peanut thingees that come packed in with stuff, Giant Enemy Crabs.
dangeROSS was on the campaign trail with his mentor/abducter Ninja. Ninja had to go off and do something crazy cool. Like Laundry or something. So dangeROSS was assigned the task of handing out pamphlets and flyers at a local mall. Seeing as it was a public area, he brought along his freakin' awesome sword in case he needed to cut people. Which seemed to be quite a constant occurence.
Through some giant cosmic coincidince this same mall was also playing host to many RD forumites, so he thought it would be neat to visit some of them as well. All in all it would be a fun easy assignment. Or so he thought...
It went fine for a while. He handed out pamphlets to people. Freakin' chased annoying mallrat teenagers, made buddies with mall cops (who are in fact the highest form of poilcery here in America), and battled evil wizards who were promoting Pirate for president.
Eventually he got tired and decided to pass out in the water fountain. Also he was drunk. Hours later, he came to. The mall was now swarming with zombies everywhere. Blood and guts and stuff were flying all over. And people were geting eaten alive. He contemplated what to do. These zombies might actually be registered, and therefore legal voters. It could be an untapped resource for Ninja's election bid. Using his two-way shield, he called Ninja to see what his opinions were on the matter. Ninja answered, but of course could not be seen on the Shield's video because he's a freakin' Ninja.
dangeROSS explained the sitiuation, and asked what he should do. There was no response for a few seconds. Then an old lady walked into the camera's view. She was quickly decapitated. Ross nodded approvingly. Then a monkey walked into camera view and urinated on the corpse and started doing a monkey dance. Ross nodded again, understanding what Ninja was communicating to him through Ninja-Language. Finally a magical unicorn came into view and started reciting Shakespeare. The video ended ubruptly. But the message was clear. Ninja wanted this zombies re-killed and if possible wanted their undead votes. It was entirely possible the wizard was still around getting zombie votes for Pirate. And that was not acceptable.