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Old 11-17-2006, 01:54 AM   #13
Jae Onasi
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Originally Posted by Emperor Devon
Some things have been deleted here and there, but remember that there's a reason for it. The mods don't get rid of posts on a whim.
It's late. It's been a wacky month or so. I was inspired by a thread in Ahto that referenced Monty Python and the Holy Grail in order to explain how Moderators determine why posts get deleted. Minor groan alert here and there.

The Book of Moderatoricus, Chapter 945, verses 487-592, spaketh thusly:

Thou shalt purge the forums of these Three forms of Evil Posts, and Three forms only. Two shalt thou not countest to, unless thou next proceedest to Three. Thou shalt not countest to Four, and Five is right out.

The Post of the First Evil is (cover thine eyes) nakedness of the most unholiness, which thou shalt callest 'Porn'. Thou shalt smite down all Pr0n, deleting it posthaste, and thou shalt report it to thine Administrator for the punishment of the Perma-Ban, nay, even the IP Ban, where thus go the pornographers, banished to internet hell. Shouldst they be so bold as to include children in their most unholy images, thou shalt also report them to the FBI, nay, even America's Most Wanted (which is likely the greater in effectiveness), wherefore they shalt be caught, brought to justice, and verily, perhaps even eunuchized, shouldst they be so lucky, lest they become known in the Unholy Incarceration as "Bubba's Sweetheart." Praise be to the Administration.

The Post of the Second Evil shalt thou callest "Flaming." Verily, this is not the Flame of Truth as delineated in the Book of Moderatoricus chapter 848 Verses 87-981, but truly it is the evil where one forumiticus dost spew nasty and unpleasant words from his desktop unto another forumiticus via, well, the forum. Thou shalt not tolerate posters being evil and mean to one another such as 'you suck!' and 'you are beyond stupid if you like the Smurfs' (even shouldst it be the Truth), as the Book of Moderatoricus preaches love and harmony for all. Thou shalt deletest posts of a flamey nature, and thou shalt Warn the Poster (see the Book of Warnings, Chapter 3240, verses 485-999). Shouldst the Warned Poster proceedest with further Flames, thou shalt invoke the Holy Ban, either thineself or via thine Administrator, lest the Flamer continue to fire up the forum with their heated exchanges. Thou shalt offer a Second Chance to the Flamer shouldst he Repent of his Flaming Ways and become a regular, non-flaming forumiticus, but thou shalt stay ever vigilant for Flaming upon the boards. Praise be to the Administration.

The Post of the Third Evil shalt thou callest 'Spam', but only after making upon thyself a Holy Sign, lest thou be contaminatedest by the foul odor of the Potted Meat Product, worshipped in the Unholy 'Museum of Spam' out in BFE Minnesota. I kiddest not, there is such an Unholy place, look it up on thine internet. 'Spam' posts doeth not contribute to the thread, verily, they are useless and clutter the Holy Thread. Nay, verily, they waste thread space and the Holy Reader's time plowing through pure crap, such as 'One-Word' Posts, 'I agree' Posts, 'Dude!!!' Posts, 'No sh!t' Posts, and Other Posts of a Non-Contributory Nature. Thou shalt also consider Off-Topic posts to be Spam, and shouldst a forumiticus discuss Raniskrans in a thread wholly undevoted to Raniskrans, thou shalt delete such Spam posts immediately. Thou art allowed to take the time to eat thine dinner before deleting Spam posts, however, especially if thy dinner includes pizza, as fresh pizza is always best when it's hot, and it would be Sinful not to Enjoy thine pizza.
Whenst thou dost see 'Spam' and deletest it, thou shalt Warn repeated Posters of the Spamacious variety to "Stop it right now!" lest they continue in their sinful, Spamming Ways. Shouldst they continue in posts of a Spamacious nature, thou shalt Invoke the Holy Ban , and if the offenses are to boost the Holy Count of the Post, thou shalt reduce the Offender's Post Count to below 1000 (see the Book of the Count of Posts, chapter 3894, verses 194-573), nay, even to zero, shouldst the spam be of a truly annoying nature. Praise be to the Administration.

Thou shalt not delete posts upon Thine Whim, nor shalt thou ever delete a post just because thou 'Dost not Like it.' Shouldst thou repeatedly delete posts in a capricious manner, thine Administrators shall Frown Upon You, and shall reduce or delete thy post counts, too, yea verily, even unto Zero, thus busting you back down to buck Private again. Praise be to the Administration.

Shouldst thou have any questions, thou shalt first read the Book of Moderatoricus in its entirety. Thine Administrators wish to help, but not if you are not willing to RTFM. Praise be to the Administration.


From MST3K's spoof of "Hercules Unchained"--heard as Roman medic soldiers carry off an unconscious Greek Hercules on a 1950's Army green canvas stretcher: "Hi, we're IX-I-I. Did somebody dial IX-I-I?"

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Last edited by Jae Onasi; 11-17-2006 at 10:56 AM. Reason: spelling, had to add the Amen in somewhere.
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