OK I finally got ensnared by the other thread Pottsie.
First off that first part was beautifully written. the only problem I had was that it was slightly rushed at the end where Sera tells Atton that he can't follow. I would have liked to see a bit more drama liek disbelief, you can't be serious and the big question: WHY? It is a bit cliched but people seem to like it and it turns out that I like it too. I read too many Betty Neels. Any way, the first half with Bastila and Carth was extremely well put together. I could see the concern, the longing and maybe a hint of jealousy on the part of Bastila?
I was hoping that you would follow the game dialogue a bit more when Sera met up with Carth after the Ravager thing and all. It would have fit better. I was also disappointed that you didn't have Bastila come out of hiding to talk to Carth after the Exile left. Again my thing with gameplay and dialogue. Overall this looks to be promising Pottsie.