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Old 01-29-2007, 10:07 PM   #197
Aurora Starfire
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Flying my Jedi Interceptor
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Another good chapter. I just noticed a couple of little things, but overall it was good, as usual

It had its dangers of course but like anything else, the Avalonians took to it like anything else.
You used "like anything else" twice in the sentence; you could either go with but the Avalonians took to it like anything else or but like anything else, the Avalonians took to it

It was here that Lady Mara set foot after departing from Coruscant with the goal to see that no harm came to here people.
This one's simple. You just accidently tacked on an extra "e" onto "her". with the goal to see that no harm came to her people.

Those are the ones I noticed in particular.... seems to me that I saw one more thing the first time I read it over, but that was before I went to martial arts..... I'm too tired now to figure out if it was just my imagination or not
But it's really good, nonetheless. Waiting for more!!


The dark is generous, and it is patient, and it always wins---
but in the heart of its strength lies weakness: one lone candle is enough to hold it back.
Love is more than a candle.
Love can ignite the stars.
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