Okay, this looks interesting, but it needs editing and a bit more description, before it can become good. What does Nar Shaddaa look like? Obviously, we the players of the Star Wars games know, but someone who doesn't will want to know what it looks like. What do the main characters look like? Could there be a brief description of what happened in the climax of TSL? All of these things could improve the Fan Fic.
As I said before, this looks interesting and I'm looking forward to more.